Regret *My story - long* Q's at bottom.

So I found out on June 10th that I was pregnant, at an ultrasound on June 19th we found that I was 6 weeks 6 days. We were very careful despite the fact that I cannot be on birth control due to an issue with my liver. I was devastated because health wise, i was not in a good place (so we thought) and financially we have not been doing good especially since we just got back together after living apart for a few months (only saw each other weekends)

We really contemplated keeping the baby, I think for the most part our decision was to keep the baby. Well I had ended up making the decision to get an abortion after alot of consideration and seeing how we arent in a good place at all. I didn't want to bring a baby into a struggle, since financially with me JUST being off mat leave, i didnt think it would be fair to the new baby, and to our 1 year old. Just the day after my son's 1st birthday I had an appointment at the hospital for my D&C. I went to the hospital that morning with my mind set. I sat on my hospital bed waiting for them to bring me into the room.

When the girl before me was done they rolled me down a hallway and sat me in a corner on my bed and I sat there waiting for them. For some reason SO text me last minute and said "I say you dont do it, just get off the bed, get dressed and walk away" Well they put my IV in, and wheeled me into the room where the procedure was done. As soon as the big door closed in this big green scary looking room I couldnt do it. I told the DR I was having second thoughts and immediately he sent me home. I thought this was best so I could have more time to think.

I ended up rebooking the d&c for the next week so if that was what I decided than the appointment was in place, since I didnt want to be anymore than 9 weeks when I got it done. In the week I had to think it seemed like my health was getting worse. My liver started hurting bad again and it felt so uncomfortable to the point where I couldnt sleep. It was pretty scary considering the doctors still had no idea why my liver levels were so elevated.

So we talked and cried and talked some more and decided that it wasnt worth putting my health at risk because I was in a decent amount of pain and my family DR wanted an emergency ultrasound of my liver asap. And that we wanted answers to the 2 problems doctors are trying to diagnose right now before we go and have a 2nd child (not to mention have me finish college, go back to work and save some money)

So I ended up having my D&C on June 27th (2 days ago) and for the most part since the procedure I have just felt numb... I just keep trying to block it out of my head because abortion was never something I believed in. But i have this respect for women who have gone through it because now I know how much of a hard, heart-wrenching and painful decision it is to make. I didn't really cramp, didnt really bleed, and I wasnt in pain. I just found it weird how normal I felt when I keep telling myself I should feel worse.

Im having an enormous amount of regret. I've never hated myself so much for any decision. Especially since i had my liver ultrasound today and it turns out the liver pain is a- I have fatty liver (which I already knew), and 2- when i get very stressed the *gases* (apparently) in my body get very strong and can cause discomfort. So now I feel 10x worse because my body couldve handled it. We though that with the amount of pain I was in gradually more and more that it was putting a toll on me (we still havent gotten the blood tests back so we aren't sure if my liver is 100% ok but still)

I just keep wishing I wouldve held off on the D&C, and seen how my liver was before I made the choice. Im beating myself up so bad and I hate myself because theres no way I can take it back. I never want to have to go through this ever again.

For women who have been though this, how did you get past the guilt? Or feel better about your decision?

I've not been through it, but I wanted to extend my most sincere sympathies and all of my love. I hope you find peace in your decision.

You made the best decision you could based on the information you had at the time.
I hope you can come to terms with it
Best of luck

Quoting The Olive Juice:" I've not been through it, but I wanted to extend my most sincere sympathies and all of my love. I hope you find peace in your decision."

Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Im having a very hard time today and just taking the time to type it all out helped a bit.

Im really sorry you are going through this.

I had my reasons for having an abortion, alot of it being SO and I were doing what we both had to do to become adult and build a family.
The way I got over the guilt was making sure I did EVERYTHING I set out to do to be able to be a family, so that if we ever had an 'oppsie' again, we wouldn't even have to think of abortion.

And its nice now   Nice to know we will never have to make that choice again. And nice to know we stuck to our plan, makes it seem less in vain, KWIM

You made the best decision for you and your family at the time. Not to mention, it was very recently so you may not have even begun to healing process that some women face after this procedure. *hugs* I am sorry you are feeling like this, and I do hope one day you come to peace with your decision. I had my abortion about 5 years ago and I do not regret it because I know that was the best decision for me at the time. Was it rough for a little while after wards? Yes. But looking back, I know I wouldn't have the life I do now.

*hugs* Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to about all of this.

My first pregnancy I had an abortion. Everything started great though, my husband(fiancee at the time) and I were ecstatic for it. The shortly after we got the BFP I lost my job and I just flipped out because we were in no place financially to have a child. He said that we would figure it out even though we could barely afford living on what he was making let alone adding all the baby stuff into the equation. He supported my choice to have an abortion. I scheduled it and then just being there made me sick. After it was done and we got home all I could do was cry. I was so upset because it was something we both wanted but could not afford financially.

I no longer regret my choice because in the long run it has been so much better for us but it doesn't mean I miss that baby any less. I have a beautiful 17 month old son and another on the way. By having the abortion I was able to start working again, my husband got a better job and we waited to get married before having a baby and since then I have been able to be a stay at home mom and we are comfortable financially. In the few months after the abortion my husband was my biggest support to how I was feeling even though he didn't understand what I was going through. Even after we got pregnant with our son I would still have times where I broke down crying over what could have been. So no it is not the easiest choice to make but in the long run something better will come from it. Enjoy the time with your son and focus on your health so that you can plan and prepare for your next child 

It gets better with time.

Almost two years ago (July 12) I went through an unwanted abortion too. It takes a very strong woman to be able to do what you did. My heart goes out to you and I sincerely hope you are able to move on quickly.

I still haven't recovered emotionally from my abortion. I just buried the hurt and try my best not to bring it up. But with my own LO due in August, it has been so much easier to forget the pain when you know you have another little life counting on you. I hope you'll feel the same with your own LOs. It'll be better for them having a financially supportive mama who has her health in control.