12 year old step-daughter is very forgetful- how do we disci

My wife and I have been married for 6 1/2 years. All together we have 5 children. Two girls ages 15 & 18 from my first marriage, two girls from her first marriage ages 9 & 12, and a 6 year old boy who we had together. The 12 year old is very forgetful and my wife and I are having some disagreement about how to discipline her. Here are just a few of the examples: O ften forgets to put the cereal and milk away after breakfast, if she doesn't do things immediately after you ask her she forgets, she doesn't ask to do things that she knows she supposed to ask to do, she always throws her clothes and bath towel on her bedroom floor instead of hanging them up or putting them in her dirty clothes basket. When asked to clean up her room, or take care of things inside or outside that she may have gotten out, she usually needs to go back several times to do it because she didn't complete the job correctly. We have taken everything away from her but nothing seems to work. Please help
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kids wall decals

Quoting sfombom:" My wife and I have been married for 6 1/2 years. All together we have 5 children. Two girls ages 15 & ... [snip!] ... because she didn't complete the job correctly. We have taken everything away from her but nothing seems to work. Please help!"

Does she do well in school?
Does she show these behaviors in school?

I ask because those can be signs of ADD or ADHD.

Maybe if she isn't picking up her clothes you guys can get her to wash all the dirty clothes that day and she would have to put them all away too? If she doesn't clean her room then she will have to clean her room and then the washroom. Maybe make a detailed list se has to do. Sometimes people have a hard time remembering to do everything and a list helps.

Has she seen a doctor? It's possible there could be an underlying cause.

Maybe some people are just forgetful? Have you tried having like a chore chart that way there is an actual list of things she needs to read and check off on. Have her help with her laundry so she sees all the work that goes into maintaining things

One thing that our old associate Pastor used to tell us (if I'm remembering correctly!) was to help create lists for her. So, give her some basic lists that she can keep (laminate them, or something.) and then it will be right there for her - no excuses. He also recommended having children respond to you when you say something, "Hey Suzy, we need you to clear the table once you are finished." *eye contact...* "Okay, dad. I can do that."

I don't know if you're already doing these things, but maybe they'll help?!

What does everything mean? If I really wanted to get a point across, I would literally take everything except her bed and dresser/clothes. That might be a little extreme in this case though...

Sounds like a normal 12 year old! She may have other things on her mind, she may have ADD, she may just really be forgetful, and it may not be her fault. Forgetfulness isn't something that should be disciplined for, she may have a medical condition. What does she say about it?

Does she have an attitude about it?

I was one of those kids. still am for that matter...i had ADHD growing up and THE ONLY THING that helped me was being on adderall. seriously. i cant diagnose but you should maybe look into seein a doc at least itll reassure you. i mean i am very forgetful and my parents use to get sooo mad at me. truth be told i honestly forgot. and i never understood why i would always get in trouble when i felt it wasnt my fault.

Sounds like my step daughter. She was diagnosed with ADD

Quoting Pretty ♥ face:" Does she have an attitude about it?"

I think this is a wonderful question. For us, attitude plays a huge role in what kind of steps we take!

<blockquote><b>Quoting momma snell:</b>" I think this is a wonderful question. For us, attitude plays a huge role in what kind of steps we take!"</blockquote>

Exactly. My niece has ADD/ADHD, but when she has an attitude about things she doesn't do, she gets talked to or punished. If she's just being her forgetful self, she gets a kind reminder that she needs to do her things.

It's also about structure. I had to put up reminders everywhere (visual reminders) for her to see. This helped her a lot.