re: So I found out bad news... My bd has a gf... And plans to mo

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" Yes but in order to really help somebody ... [snip!] ... That's all I really had to offer her. As for her drunken night, I don't think anyone will ever know what really happened."

Like I said, she'll be 16 by the end of the year maybe the beginning of next year. Please enlighten me, why isn't she as capable to get a job as a 40 year old would be?

Hopefully not having mommy & daddy around would give her an idea of how hard parenting can get. 15 without parents help, and I'm sure without BD help and I'm pretty sure her sister won't help either.

Quoting Sweetie-Pie:" Again it does no matter if she's a child. She wanted to act like an adult. She should get adult consequences. ... [snip!] ... Children play hide & seek, tag, mary-go-round. Children don't go out, drink heavily, have random sex and get pregnant. "

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" Like I said, she'll be 16 by the end of the year maybe the beginning of next year. Please enlighten ... [snip!] ... parenting can get. 15 without parents help, and I'm sure without BD help and I'm pretty sure her sister won't help either. "</blockquote>



Are you serious right now? Like I said, MOST 40 year olds have a high school diploma or even a college degree plus more job experience. When I was 16 I was making 6.25 per hour.....now that I have more experience PLUS a diploma and some college I make twice that and I'm only 23 so obviously by the time I'm 40, I'll have a degree and be making even more. She will most likely make minimum wage which is in the 7 dollar range, and that's not enough to pay bills plus support a child. I never said she could NOT get a job being that I got MY first job at 14, however it's impossible for her to make as much as a 40 year old would. Plus most 40 year olds have a car to get to and from work. I'm not sure if she even has that. And she still has two years of high school to worry about (8 hours a day unless they offer an online program)....so she may only be able to work part-time. Plus did we forget she is a minor and HAS to partially depend on an adult? She can't get a place on her own and even of she lived in a woman's shelter that is still depending on others....

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" Like I said, she'll be 16 by the end of ... [snip!] ... on an adult? She can't get a place on her own and even of she lived in a woman's shelter that is still depending on others...."

Yes, I'm serious. Okay, just because YOU got a diploma and are now very successful does not mean every single 23-40 year is as successful as you. Even some 40 year old women don't have diplomas. I've seen women who look past 40 working at McDonalds. I'm sure it's not because they want to but because they know they have a family they need to support so they take whatever job they can to make that happen. Why can't a 16 year old do so? This is the reason why many people look down on teenager mothers and give them a hard time. Also the reason why teenage pregnancy rate is going up. Women like you give teenagers the idea that since they're technically still children they can go out and have sex, get pregnant, get someone pregnant and then their parents will "have" to take care of them. A child shouldn't be a mother, or father. A child should be just that, a child. Just like a mother should be just a mother, not a teenage mother, not an middle age mother, not an old mother just a MOTHER. OP wants to have and parent her child. Okay, OP will become a mother and her should take responsibility for her child. Let her child act like a child.

Are we forgetting that that's all her parents have to do. Keep her in their home till she turns 18. They don't have to provide anything else.

Quoting Sweetie-Pie:" Like I said, she'll be 16 by the end of the year maybe the beginning of next year. Please enlighten ... [snip!] ... parenting can get. 15 without parents help, and I'm sure without BD help and I'm pretty sure her sister won't help either. "

How the heck can you sit there and compare a 16 year old child with no education, no work experience and the inability to even work a lot of jobs because you have to be either 18 or 21 to a freakin 40 year old?

At 16, the best she can hope for is a job as a cashier or cart pusher.....and I've been there, you can;t support a child off of that. A lot of states won't even allow a 16 year old to work a full work week, so take her minimum wage and cut that in half. This isn't even considering the fact that she SHOULD be finishing school of some sort.

By 40, unless you're lazy and unmotivated, you will (hopefully) have a college degree of some sort, 20 years or so of work experience and the obstacle of not being able to do certain things because you aren't old enough.

That was an incredibly ignorant statement.

Quoting Sweetie-Pie:" Yes, I'm serious. Okay, just because YOU got a diploma and are now very successful does not mean every ... [snip!] ... that that's all her parents have to do. Keep her in their home till she turns 18. They don't have to provide anything else. "

Even if a 40 year old DOESN'T have a degree or Diploma, they STILL have the advantage of years of work experience and age - yes, age matters.

I majored in HR - if a 40 year old and a 16 year old came in and had the same qualifications (aside from being apalled), I would hire the 40 year old because I wouldn't have to deal with age restrictions, in theory she would be more mature and she would (hopefully) have worked a majority of her life.

16 year old children DO NOT have the same chance as a 40 year old of getting a job.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" How the heck can you sit there and compare a 16 year old child with no education, no work experience ... [snip!] ... obstacle of not being able to do certain things because you aren't old enough. That was an incredibly ignorant statement. "

You need to go back and read my previous posts because I never said she had to take care of her child herself. This whole time it's been argued that her parents need to keep her in their home. Okay, well why can't she get a job? Why can't she pay rent? Bills? I'm sorry but by the time I was 16 I was getting 12$/hour working as a receptionist but then again, I wasn't pregnant nor having sex getting knocked up. There's lot of job that only require computer skills and actually pay a little bit over minimum wage. This is just excuses. My aunt got pregnant at 14 and her parents kicked her out. She got her G.E.D, helped around a shelter so she could have a home and at 16 she had two jobs in order to make a living for herself and my cousin. As soon as my cousin was old enough to go to school by the time my aunt was 18 she went to college and is not a successful counselor. Like I said, it's women like you two who give teenagers the excuse to get knock up and drop their kids off to mommy and daddy. When they're as capable of making it. Yet, they may need an assistance but they don't need to be fully taken care of by their parents.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" Yes, I'm serious. Okay, just because YOU got a diploma and are now very successful does not mean every ... [snip!] ... that that's all her parents have to do. Keep her in their home till she turns 18. They don't have to provide anything else. "</blockquote>




You obviously have read ZERO of my posts to the OP or you would know that I told OP her parents CAN'T kick her out, but they DO NOT have to help her. I told her she needed to go out and get two jobs to save up money. So the "women like me" bit that you just pulled out of your ass is complete bullsmurf. I told her I hoped her parents support her in the long run but I mostly meant emotionally. Because there's more support than just financial support that is needed from parents. I never said they had to do smurf. And you're sitting here comparing a 15 year old to a 40 year old woman who has never had a job in her entire life AND no diploma AND no degree, who just so happened to accidentally get knocked up by a random? Thats quite the extreme dear. Please find me someone like that. I would love to meet someone THAT lazy and unmotivated and ask them how they have gotten to the age of 40 in that manner. I bet you the answer is that they too had to depend on others....hmmmm.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" Even if a 40 year old DOESN'T have a degree or Diploma, they STILL have the advantage of years of work ... [snip!] ... have worked a majority of her life. 16 year old children DO NOT have the same chance as a 40 year old of getting a job. "

While interviewing someone you'd require a degree?

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" Yes, I'm serious. Okay, just because YOU ... [snip!] ... that. I would love to meet someone THAT lazy and unmotivated and ask them how they have gotten to the age of 40 in that manner."

You've been defensive this whole time. Talking about how her parents have to take her in and help her. How she is still a child so her parents should take care of her. At least that's what I got to your post quoting me. By the way, let's remember YOU'RE the one who compared a 16 - 40 year old. I wasn't thinking that far. Of course a 16 year old may not be able to get a job that a 40 year old with job experience and degree may be able to get but why can't a 16 year old get a job that she's a little over qualified for? Maybe look for jobs that require no degree nor diploma that have some of her skills like receptionist? Working for a business who has live chat? Teacher's assistant?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" You need to go back and read my previous posts because I never said she had to take care of her child ... [snip!] ... as capable of making it. Yet, they may need an assistance but they don't need to be fully taken care of by their parents. "</blockquote>



So your aunt got knocked up at 14 but didn't have two jobs until 16? How did she care for her newborn for the first year or so of his or her life?? The shelter gave her everything??

Quoting Sweetie-Pie:" You need to go back and read my previous posts because I never said she had to take care of her child ... [snip!] ... as capable of making it. Yet, they may need an assistance but they don't need to be fully taken care of by their parents. "

I never said she couldnt get a job to help out if she's going to be staying at home, thats perfectly acceptable - but no, a 16 year old and 40 year old are not comparable, I'm sorry. I'm not saying it's not possible, but she shouldn't be in a position where she needs to be living in shelters in order to put a roof over her child's head, that's not being successful.


In this economy, there really aren't those opportunities - I have a degree in HR and basically minored in Administration and don't even qualify for a lot of those "reception" jobs, because of the state of things, they won't take anyone with less than 3-8 years experience or a Bachelor's degree - it's sad, but yeah, the economy is also having a huge impact on whats available.

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" Yes, I'm serious. Okay, just because YOU ... [snip!] ... how they have gotten to the age of 40 in that manner. I bet you the answer is that they too had to depend on others....hmmmm."

Actually no, read my previous post. My aunt got pregnant at 14, got kicked out. Got a G.E.D as soon as she could. By the time she was 16 she got a job as a security guard working two full shifts sometimes, 15 hour shifts. She was able to keep a roof over herself and her child's head. She was able to keep food on the table and by the time her daughter was ready for school she went back to school. Now she is a very successful counselor who helps out mothers in need.

 

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" You need to go back and read my previous ... [snip!] ... jobs until 16? How did she care for her newborn for the first year or so of his or her life?? The shelter gave her everything??"

No,   She would collect cans. Sometimes five to six bags of cans a day getting herself about 80 dollars a day.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sweetie-Pie:</b>" You've been defensive this whole time. Talking about how her parents have to take her in and help her. ... [snip!] ... nor diploma that have some of her skills like receptionist? Working for a business who has live chat? Teacher's assistant? "</blockquote>




Please screen shot where I said her parents HAD TO financially help her. And where I said she didn't have to get a job.

And do you have short term memory loss, or are you not the one who said, "I don't understand why her age even matters, if she was 15 or 40 years old?"

YOU brought up the age comparison (a very ignorant one at that being that 15 = LEGALLY a minor no matter if you have a kid or not, 40 = adult) And I was defensive about the fact that you guys were picking apart her stupid drunken story when the fact is she made a big mistake and now the only things that matter is HOW she deals with it. Who gives a flying smurf where or when or how she smurfed the guy?! She has to do a DNA test for CS anyways and that should be the only big question in all this is making sure she puts the responsibility on the right dude.