re: Giving our baby up for adoption. Advice and support please

Quoting Baby Brooklyn Due October:" So my SO and I got pregnant, and we decided we would try to make it work. So we got married sooner than ... [snip!] ... is the best thing. Someone else can give the baby everything we cant. My husband dosnt agree, he says I worry too much. "

Adoption is FOREVER. Remember that.
Your SO needs to get a Better Job, &/or You as well, & not be a SAHM.
If this is a Temporary situation, why use a Permanent Solution?
Otherwise I would go look around & ask questions over at http://www.adoption.com/
They are a Good resource for Your Questions. But the Big Rule is it is NOT a place to be asking to give or take a baby. If anyone contacts you about wanting your baby on there, report them.

If you nurse you won't have to worry about buying the baby food, etc. It sounds like you are around family and they might be able to help out as well. There are income guidelines on the internet for WIC and food stamps and Medicaid. I hate to see you make a decision and in 2-3 years your circumstances are completely different and you wish you did it a different way, so think it through thouroughly. There are low income housing guidelines on the internet also...check them out. The programs are there for people who are struggling to get started or to restart. Nobody here would think poorly of you for doing what you need to do for your family   HUGS!!!

I understand how you feel but money problems are temporary, adoption is permanent. I agree with what everyone said about looking into assistance.

I will look into all that stuff. Thank you so much. But its not just food. Its having no place to stay... once we pay the basic bills there is nothing left if we had rent (which we don't). Also his mom is getting worse, and caring for her is quite a job. (And its difficult to explain but no I cannot get paid for helping her, not through the state or anything). Im also depressed, im getting better, I try everyday but its hard sometimes. And I think staying couped in this small room, caring for a baby, and caring for his mom the way I do I would lose my mind. And friends cant come help me with LO because no one is allowed at the house (his moms rule).

Quoting Baby Brooklyn Due October:" I will look into all that stuff. Thank you so much. But its not just food. Its having no place to stay... ... [snip!] ... way I do I would lose my mind. And friends cant come help me with LO because no one is allowed at the house (his moms rule). "

Then his mom needs to hire someome ot care for her

You have your own life and now a child on the way. If she is this bad off, then her insurance will cover someone to care for her

Or look into a nursing home

Even if you're not religious, most Churches offer food banks. Or look into those they were a life saver to my family when my dad was out of work one year. We got meat, frozen and canned things, bread, milk, eggs. But yeah, even if your baby isn't here already you should qualify for WIC. Kids qualify until age 5 if your hubby doesn't make a ton of money for a family of 3, which in TN it's about $700/family member, including your unborn. so.. $2100 a month, minus rent, utilities, any unpaid medical expenses, etc. You just state that you live with your MIL but you don't share meals, etc if that's the case. No shame in using gov't programs to get back on your feet that's what they're designed for. Sorry you're thinking of adoption, but it has to be a joint decision, and if you two don't agree it could ruin your marriage.

Quoting Kelly&Coralie:" Then his mom needs to hire someome ot care for her You have your own life and now a child on the ... [snip!] ... on the way. If she is this bad off, then her insurance will cover someone to care for her Or look into a nursing home "

Hhaha okay. Well, I'll try to explain. She is sick in her own mind. Im not being mean, I love her to death. But there is no medical assistance for people who don't want to help themselves. She can do anything, almost anything you or I could do. But she chooses not to. 5 years ago she had a heart attack, and gave up since. She hardly ever moves, for 5 years, so now she is forming muscle deficentcy, so now its hard for her to move if she did want to. But she cant get therapy, simply because she dosnt want to. Also we live in her house, she is on section 8 and pays $400 for rent, so for now we need to just help her and stay rent free until we figure this out.
Because she dosnt move it hurts her health and she gets sick a lot. Average of 3 pnemonias a year. And usually someone else in the house gets it because she coughs and sneezes on everything and dosnt wash her hands. She rarely bathes because she dosnt feel she needs to. And she changes her depends where she lays and throws them in the kitchen garbage. It grosses me out, but im here to care for her. But if i had a baby too I would lose it. Expeccially just trying to keep it from not getting sick!

JUST REMEMBERED another helpful thing. Find a Salvation Army near you. You can get food from them just by showing up. All you need is birth certificated and proof of residence and a possitive ID (drivers liscence with current address) for each member of the household. They have pro-rated portions for family sizes. You'll get meat, veggies, pasta, fruit, etc...for free. They do NOT require proof if income! Just showing up shows the need. AGAIN there is low income housing...check into it! It will help alot! I agree that it is unfair to ask you to tend to an ill MIL while pregnant. She should be able to get help from the community. Perhaps, if you are hesitant to bring it up to her, you could start out by explaining to her how things are going for you and your little family. If she is reasonable, she'll understand. Just getting into Low income housing would help you with the depression, etc...and might make caring for her not as hard (after all, you could go home at the end of the day!). Give it some thought...look into it. If you look into it and feel it's not for you, then at least you'll know you explored all your options. The low income housing here is actually really nice...they are newer than my house!

Quoting Baby Brooklyn Due October:" Hhaha okay. Well, I'll try to explain. She is sick in her own mind. Im not being mean, I love her to ... [snip!] ... but im here to care for her. But if i had a baby too I would lose it. Expeccially just trying to keep it from not getting sick!"

Ok, well this is sounding More & more like she's either Abusing you guys, OR she Needs to hit Rock Bottom & you guys Move out.
& Then report the situation to Social Services. Or report to them so they can help you Move out & her.
You're going to be a Mother soon, & it's called "Tough Love".
You will more than likely end up SERIOUSLY resenting your MIL as you Grieve for the Baby you give up(& it will be a life long thing, especially since you DO want your baby, but your Temporary situation right now is as it is). & A Good Adoption Agency will probably tell you the same, or their Counselors will as well. & if you Do plan on Giving your Baby up, You really really need to see Adoption Counselors who are Pro Birth-Mother, not the kind that want you to just give the Baby up, so that the Agency can make $$ off Giving Your baby to someone else.

I wouldn't give up my child because my mother in law is disgusting. I would tell my husband to get his ass in gear and find another job so that we could save up some money and move out. You can't live your life to support and help her out. Sadly if she doesn't want to help her self you can't help her either.

sounds like you and your hubby are enabling her to stay that way. She is quite capable of taking care of herself but why do that when she has you there to do it for her? do you really want that to be the reason you give away your child? And if your hubby is against adoption, how would that work b/t you two? He'd obviously keep it, you would stay living there? Go to health dept. or social services in your town and tell them you need to fill out paperwork for HUD or section 8. Because you will only need a 2bdrm place you shouldn't have long to wait. vs a family needing 3-4 bdrms. When I got preggo with my 1st we were living in a camping trailer, yeah the ones without the motor in the front, superrrrrr small and cramped. Never not once did it cross my mind for adoption. All I was thinking about was "how to get out of here and do better for my kid". Let that be you and hubby's motivation- that child! if you're SAH right now, since you're preggo chances are you won't find a job right now anyways, so make him get another. Then you use 1 jobs pay for bills and monthly stuff and then you use the other for savings for your own place. Open up with a credit union vs a bank. Etc. Lots of stuff you could be doing to help yourselves. But we can only tell you what's out there, you two have to decide if you wanna take it that far or just give that baby up, which.. imo doesn't sound like a dire need to.

Quoting S + K = A:"     "

does that mean you agree with my post or something else? kinda new at this