Kissing at school ( long vent) with questions

My daughter who is 5 was caught yesterday with two boys under the slide kissing.She was soooooo upset when the teacher saw her. I know my kid and so do her tteachers and we were all surprised that she was involved. They had me meet with a counsler to tell me that they don't think it was my baby doing it but being proveked to do so. The counsler told me that the 2 boys she was with have "issues that need to be addressed" However in the same day my niece(my BFF's daughter)came over adn told my kid that they should go under the cover to have SEX!!!!!!!!!! OKAY so this is where I start freaking out, asking all kinds of questions and whats's sex wo todl you that. So my daughter is mortified by this whole situation and now I don't know what to do. I had a serious talk with the 2 of them about how it is inaprpriate and if it happens again its going to be serous.

SO my question is am I doing this right? I know every parentsays "oh not my kid" but for my kid this is totaly left field she never gets in trouble and is usually the tattle tale of the bunch. I have two main concerns right now first I need to knw whats up with these boys and if they have been doing this or what adn whats gonna be done about their "issues" and second do I tell her she can't play with her sisiter if she is going to bde getting her to do inappropriate things?

Please help I"m torn. Sorry for typos I'm pissed and scared all at once

oh wow!

my first question, is your kid in day care or is this kindergarden? if it's daycare, get her out of there!!

when i was in daycare as a kid, i remember the boys and girls that were already
'experimenting' with each others body and lettingthemselves to getfelt up! pretty gross to think about and it is a memory that is burned into my brain...

second question, your niece.. where did she learn about sex at the age of 5 and associate it with under the covers!!?? how old is she? what did her parents say about that!?

ok so yes this is daycare and sh'e only got a few weeks left anyway so I am just gonna pull her!!!! Second my niece has this girl in her class who comes form some kind of scewwd up home and this little girl was the one who was telling my niece that sex was kissing under the covers, My BFF adn i talked to both girls and my nieve admitted that the girl at her school was talking about it and trying to get them to kiss and lay on top of each other. I think my nieces parents were just as mad as me but as surprised cuz thire daughter has had a very diff upbringing then mine. She is 6 and in kindergarten. So its mot like they really know what they are talking about but the fact that they think they know is to much!!! I"m livid and I don't want to have to tell them they can't play togetrhr but I have said that they are not allowed to have sleepovers and sleep in the same bed as what they are doing and talking about is complelty in appropriate!!! Am I doing the right thing I'm so overwhelmed by all this

personally, i would let them play together supervised, but no more sleep overs for awhile until they understand that is grown up talk and not allowed!

so i would say you are doing the right thing by teaching your daughter that is not allowed until she is 30  

God thanks a lot I just needed someone to say I wasdoing the right thing!!!! so they are deff gonna be supervised all the time now, I don't trust then for a second. SO noww on to the school thing and before I pull her I"m making sure everyone knows about it and that they don't try to brush it off as "normal" cuz I know nothing about those 2 boys and I don't wna them to do this to the next little girl either.

Quoting Jennie mom of alomost2:“ God thanks a lot I just needed someone to say I wasdoing the right thing!!!! so they are deff gonna be ... [snip!] ... brush it off as "normal" cuz I know nothing about those 2 boys and I don't wna them to do this to the next little girl either.”

i think your doing the right thing!!

i would also make a big stink about it and make sure the head supervisors, owners, andother teachers knows too! i would tell them they need to have a sit down with all the day care workers so they know they need to be looking for this behavior. and tell them theyneed tohave a sit down with the boys parents too!

The kissing I wouldnt worry too much about, honestly. My son is in kindergarten and at the begining of the year was caught kissing a girl on the bus. The thing is, we ALWAYS give each other kisses. When he goes somewhere, or we go somewhere without him, he gets a kiss. When we come home, he wants a kiss. When he goes to bed, he gets a kiss. He gives his sister kisses when he sees her after school. He gives his baby brother kisses. Kissing is a form of greeting. He learned that everyone gets a kiss when they part. Then he goes to school and suddenly kissing is wrong. He is by far not a bad kid. We talked to him and had his teacher talk to him, and all was good. Yes, the boys that were kissing your daughter "had issues", but what kind of issues? There are alot of issues. Are they slow, bullies, liars, etc. There are many types of issues, and alot dont even relate to what happened. Also, why were counselers involved? If this was the first time, I would think that is a bit much. A stern warning to your daughter would have been plenty. People flip out over a simple kiss. No, I dont want my son kissing every kid in sight, but I am not going to raise hell over it when it happened ONCE. Same with my daughter. If a boy kisses her in school, I am not going to raise hell the first time it happens. If it happens repeatedly and no one does anything, THEN I will raise hell. We all (I KNOW everyone here does it too) teach our kids that we kiss when we say goodbye. Who doesnt just randomly give their child a shower of kisses, just because? We are teaching them that kissing, and thereby showing affection, is ok. Am I suggesting that you dont show affection? No, but they need to be taught when it is ok and who it is ok with.

As for your friend kid talking about having sex. Likely, she doesnt know what sex really is. She needs to be told that talking like that is not appropriate. No more unsupervised play until she understands that they cannot play like that. Get one of those video baby moniters and install it in her room to watch her when you do let them play in there again. Or even just an audio moniter. Just put it somewhere that the kids cant reach so they dont play with that too. That way you can keep aneye on them without them knowing, because face it, they wont talk about it in front of you anymore, but that doesnt mean they wont talk about it behind closed doors so to speak. If it continues, then you need to decide if that kid is really an important playmate.

I know your daughter is upset so it would be good for you to have a quiet private talk with just the two of you to talk through what all happened, why you were upset, what is the right thing for her to do in those situation, etc. Buy some ice cream or something and sit together on the floor in her room whatever and make it a open talk about things where she can ask questions and you can explain. Make sure to explain what she should do if she is asked to do anything liek that again.

Quoting red_dragon_girl_69:“ The kissing I wouldnt worry too much about, honestly. My son is in kindergarten and at the begining of ... [snip!] ... about it behind closed doors so to speak. If it continues, then you need to decide if that kid is really an important playmate.”

Yeah, A baby monitor hidden in the room they dont know about works wonders. Then they are supervised and they dont even know it plus if the other kids parents are there they get to hear it first hand as well.

I wouldn't say brush it off as normal, and defenitly a good talk with her that its not ok is the right thing... But on the other hand reality it is normal. and i work at a day care and we see it all the time with good kids and troubled its normal kids see it all over. The thing to do with the day care is to make sure the teachers are superving the children well enough that this stuff is going on.
Oh geese and for jordan, That must have been a really bad day care for it to be able to go that far with no one seeing thats awful!

Quoting Jennie mom of alomost2:“ My daughter who is 5 was caught yesterday with two boys under the slide kissing.She was soooooo upset ... [snip!] ... going to bde getting her to do inappropriate things? Please help I"m torn. Sorry for typos I'm pissed and scared all at once”

hmm well my 6yr old sister talks about sex. but when we ask her what it is, she really has no clue(she thinks its french kissing) so ask the niece what she think sex is, she prob doesnt REALLY know what it is. & idk about the boy thing.. tell your little girl that its wrong to do it and that if anybody asks her to do anything like that or asks herthat makes her uncomfortable to tell an adultand tell you asap...thats waht we told my other little sister who kissed a boy in kindergarten.

Just wanted to add: When we had this issue a while back, we were told NOT to tell the kids that sex is wrong or bad, because it's not. We were to tell them that's it's inappropriate. It's for adults only. If we told them it was wrong or bad, it could cause lasting effects.
I think you're doing a good job mamma!!

Quoting ducky:“ Just wanted to add: When we had this issue a while back, we were told NOT to tell the kids that sex is ... [snip!] ... for adults only. If we told them it was wrong or bad, it could cause lasting effects. I think you're doing a good job mamma!!”

Thanks a lot!!!

Thanks to everyone that responded! To start off I did talk with my daughter privatly and explained to her that kissing boys or girls who are not your family(mom dad grammas and soon to be sisiter) is not appropriate as well as talk about sex is inappropriate! I never told her it was wrong! Her frined that was talking about sex was also asked what it was and she sasid"kissing under the covers" My resolution to that situation was easy, no unsupervised play and no sleepovers for a while.

Now aout those boys at school. I'm not sure what kind of "issues" the counsler was refering too, but this is niot the first time this has happened in her class. The first time with my daughter yes but these boys one in particular has been doing this for a while. My other concern with the school is that they brought the counsler to me and then told me tI should just consloe her becasue she didn't do anything wrong. However the incident hadn't even been reported when the 2 boys were picked up so they weer not notified at the time. It was however documented when I got there and so I had to talk with the counsler, I am also extrermly upset that no one called me when it happened. My daughter had to be removed from the class because she was so upset and they didn't even think to give me a call so knew what was going on. And to top it off the director hasn't said a word about this and either he dosn't know(which I think is wrong in and of itslef) or he is just not saying anything.
Sorry to vent but basically I"m pulling her from school becasue I think if the situation was bad enough to have a counsler meeting me then it should have been handled more professionally and not making my child feel like she was wrong and the only one who had to meet with the counsler!!!

Thanks again any other input I'd love

From experienced Mom
You've talked with your daughter about this issue. Now I've found that you have the talk and then 'let it go' - I would suggest the "private parts" talk due to the fact the 'sex' word was mentioned. We must protect our kids. Kids are going to explore and it's up to us to teach them what's appropiate and what's not. Wish you the best of luck.