OMG Give me patience!

I cannot freaking take this. My 3.5 year old is literally driving me to tears. He is such a GOOD, smart, beautiful, loving, caring boy, but recenty he is more defiant than he is good.

If I say come here, he goes further away. If I say clean up, he sits and plays. If I say no, he quick does it anyway before I get him for a time out. Every single day recently he does exactly the opposite of what I say all freaking day, then takes 2 hours to put to bed.

If I ask him nicely he ignores me. If I say it sternly he ignores me. If I yell at him he ignores me. If I put him in time out, he gets out and STILL doesn't smurfing listen. Same thing at bed time. It literally takes 2 smurfing hours now to put him to bed. We don't spank. I tried earlier today, but it was a joke because I didn't want to do it. I knew it was a joke because he smurfing laughed at me.

I don't know if he's acting out because we moved a month ago, or because he is off from daycare for the summer and I'm out of school until the Fall semester starts so it's been just him and I. I don't know if he's acting out because he misses his dad because he got promoted and is working so much that I feel like a smurfing single mom. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm getting depressed and he can sense it. I don't know what the hell it is, but I can't smurfing take it.

I love him so much but all I want to do right now is cry. All I want him to do is smurfing LISTEN.

Someone please give me some pointers. I am losing it. I am literally sitting here crying because 14 hour days of defiance is smurfing exhausting.

sounds a lot like my 3.5 year old.

Quoting Lil' Nugget.:" sounds a lot like my 3.5 year old."

How do you deal with it? I'm usually pretty level headed, but I haven't been a stay a home mom since he was 9 months old and even then my SO was around while he was awake, not gone all smurfing day every day so I got some relief.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I cannot freaking take this. My 3.5 year old is literally driving me to tears. He is such a GOOD, smart, ... [snip!] ... me some pointers. I am losing it. I am literally sitting here crying because 14 hour days of defiance is smurfing exhausting."

Sounds exactly like my son  

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" How do you deal with it? I'm usually pretty level headed, but I haven't been a stay a home mom since ... [snip!] ... he was 9 months old and even then my SO was around while he was awake, not gone all smurfing day every day so I got some relief."

i don't know, i was on anxiety meds before i got pregnant and i think that was the solution.

it's really hard. i punish him, or yell at him & he gives me the puppy face and says sorry. time outs are a joke, he just runs out of it and laughs about it.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this, but it sounds just like my 3.5 year old as well. He's like that kid in the movie Problem Child at times. I just keep doing the time outs and follow through with what I tell him is going to happen. Now, bedtime isn't a 2-hour ordeal here, but it's because when he would come down (no joke) 40-50 times a night, I eventually turned the doorknob around and locked the door for ten minutes. When he realized he couldn't get out and it was time for bed, he started staying in bed. It took a week. Now I never have to shut the door. I also take privileges away now because he's old enough to get that he wants it but can't have it (toys, dvds, outside games, etc.). I never take away books, though. I dunno, maybe it's the teacher in me, but I don't discipline with books. Evan knows that protein makes his body stronger and books make his brain stronger.

Quoting Lil' Nugget.:" i don't know, i was on anxiety meds before i got pregnant and i think that was the solution. it's really ... [snip!] ... at him & he gives me the puppy face and says sorry. time outs are a joke, he just runs out of it and laughs about it.  "

I don't do well as a stay at home mom. I am getting depressed. I get anxious. I just want to smurfing blow up sometimes. I don't know what to do.

Quoting Evan My Heaven:" I'm really sorry you're going through this, but it sounds just like my 3.5 year old as well. He's like ... [snip!] ... in me, but I don't discipline with books. Evan knows that protein makes his body stronger and books make his brain stronger."

I always thought that wasn't safe? Maybe as long as I don't just walk away with it locked and leave it locked all night it's fine, right?

Nap time takes MAYBE 10 minutes because I lay with him and he falls asleep and I get up. I don't want to have to do that with bed time. It's been ever since we put him in a big bed. His bed time is 8pm and he hasn't been going to bed until after 10pm with ME in tears.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I don't do well as a stay at home mom. I am getting depressed. I get anxious. I just want to smurfing blow up sometimes. I don't know what to do."

All you can do is take one day at a time. There are days that my son sits with his face against the wall for 10 minutes at a time. It's usually 3 minutes (for his age) but if he talks or gets up, another minute is added. I've also started taking his toys away or not letting him watch a show right before bed.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" I don't do well as a stay at home mom. I am getting depressed. I get anxious. I just want to smurfing blow up sometimes. I don't know what to do."

I don't either. I really want to get a job, but for summer, its a week with me, a week with his dad. & that royally screws him up, too, cause he gets whatever the hell he wants there.

i try to just keep him occupied, but i can't play with him all day, i have things to do, too. i try and get him to the park, he used to be super good in public, but now he throws a fit trying to get him in the cart, but w/o it, he runs away and touches EVERYTHING.

i still try to make him take naps. he actually slept for 2.5 hours yesterday. even if it takes a car ride to get him out, i do it. sometimes it makes me feel guilty, but IMO he needs it.

Bedtime was a huuuuge ordeal at my parents house. it was an hour-2 hours, as well. But, we moved out and he does a bit better with bed time, he knows to shower, brush his teeth, go pee, then i will read him 2 books and SO will read him 1. then that's it. lights out.

Sometimes, he will come in my room to sleep with me in the middle of the night. I absolutely hate that. I love cuddling, i want him to cuddle during the day, but night time, everyone has their own bed!!! He comes in around 7 and will lay with me for an hour, and that's okay, but the 3am smurf is not okay!

They are testing limits. I told him the other day "i am the boss, i make the rules" i try to talk to him about how we listen & why it is important. he told me he makes the rules  

i hate it. i miss my good little boy.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:</b>" I cannot freaking take this. My 3.5 year old is literally driving me to tears. He is such a GOOD, smart, ... [snip!] ... me some pointers. I am losing it. I am literally sitting here crying because 14 hour days of defiance is smurfing exhausting."</blockquote>

BREATHE!!! ;)
Could be many reasons why he is acting out, but I always found routine to be a key solution to any problem...
Continue the time out, be consistent, have a systematic bedtime routine.. We do teeth, bath, a puzzle, about 2 random books, and 1 same book that I read every night.. He tucks in his stuffed animals and hugs his teddy night night..

Camden was sooo bad when Seneca was first born.. Intentionally defiant because when she was first born our undivided attention was now not only divided but focused on her much more. When he acted out, he got our attention quick... Kids don't know the difference between negative and positive attention so whenever you can really praise those good moments and ignore whatever bad antics he's doing..

Good luck!!

My son acts out when he is outside of his normal schedule. He's 4 1/2, last summer and now this summer he went a couple weeks of being a holy living terror because any deviation from his regular schedule is really upsetting for him. He listens better when I exhaust him beyond reason, seriously that's the only thing that works for me. We spend hours at the park, beach and pool. My neighbor and I also decided to get together and do a daily craft time with all our kids as another kind out outlet. Basically my theory is lots of activity, setting a "summer" schedule and lots of repeating myself. It's really hard, all 3 of mine tend to get a little crazy at the beginning of summer or a new routine, my son is the worst of them though and I feel your frustration.

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" How do you deal with it? I'm usually pretty level headed, but I haven't been a stay a home mom since ... [snip!] ... he was 9 months old and even then my SO was around while he was awake, not gone all smurfing day every day so I got some relief."

I get like that with my daughter (same age). I get to where I'm literally in tears. I have no amazing words of wisdom, but just wanted you to know I've been there too.

Thanks guys. Sorry, I just had to get off and go downstairs because he finally fell asleep.

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who has felt like this. We just moved to this new neighborhood and the windows are always open so I feel like all they hear is me yelling and clapping my hands really loudly to try to get his attention and have him stop trying to talk over me. It probably sounds like I'm slapping him. I'm not, but that's how loud I am when I reach my limit.

I try so hard to do fun things with him now that we're together all the time. We have zoo passes, museum passes, parks, bouncy places, aquariums, etc., but when he starts the day not listening why should I reward him with fun things so he can continue to defy me while we are there? It's a catch 22 all the time.

Thanks for letting me vent! I am so tired of yelling and talking to someone who doesn't understand what I'm saying because he's only 3. He has a speech delay too which makes it that much harder. It's just frustrating and I was beginning to feel defeated so I am glad I'm not alone!

Quoting Spoonful of Jayson:" Thanks guys. Sorry, I just had to get off and go downstairs because he finally fell asleep. I'm so ... [snip!] ... too which makes it that much harder. It's just frustrating and I was beginning to feel defeated so I am glad I'm not alone!"

You are NOT alone. My son is 3 and 3 months and when I yell at him, he yells back! He has a speech delay too so all I hear all day is whiney mumbo jumbo when I tell him to do ANYTHING. Plus I have a newborn that sleeps maybe 3 hours out of 24. DH is always working and when he's home he's in such a bad mood that the kids and I just stay away from him. It totally sucks. Not a day goes by where I don't consider just calling my mom up and begging her to take him for a week.   It's definitely a tough age!