re: Advice? Dad not bonding with second baby...

I have lots of advice on this!!
Are you breastfeeding? If you are (like I was) dad's feel they can't really do much. They can't feed the baby, when a baby cries, to a dad, that means they are automatically "hungry"   . Dad's way of pawning off a crying baby. New babies are boring to dad's and it is hard for a father to get involved. So if you're breastfeeding, pump a bottle then have dad feed. If he is hesitant say that you want to snap picutres of dad feeding baby, or say babies have a hard time taking bottles from mom's when they can smell her in the room. That way he can be involved... you're not forcing him but you're making it happen. Also, if your playing with your other kid, ask dad to change the diaper. Or "here hold him for a minute" and start dinner. Don't wait for him to ask, because if he doesn't you'll resent him and with lack of sleep from most likely both of you, nothing good will come of that. He will develop a relationship soon enough!! My husband was never really involved with the babies until they were able to start walking, playing and stuff. He is an amazing father though. Also, look at it as a good thing! You are going to want or need to be with the baby and dad will need to be with your other kid to help or make sure the other kid isn't left out. Look at it as team work.
He will grow more attached over time. A mother's bond is much different than a fathers bond. You've gotten to know this little baby for the last 9 months and now dad is meeting this new little person as a stranger.
I hope this helps... whatever you do, don't accuse dad of not "loving" the new baby. Just give him time and lots of opportunities (whether they are gently pushed or not) to get to know his new baby!!  

Also, I don't think it's a matter of "being ready" to have another kid or not. You never know how things are going to be until it happens. Going from 1 to 2 kids is much harder than going from 0 to 1.

My hubby was the same way with our second. He had a really hard time bonding with her and even now, they butt heads more than he does with my oldest. But she has him wrapped around her little finger now too. He adores her but she is feisty and it drives him crazy too. It is cute to see the relationship that they have. She loves her papa and he is totally smitten by her. She can just give him a look and you can see him melt. It will get better hun!

DH was vice versa.

Our first LO was an "accident" because we were very very young. He loved him, he just didn't put much of an effort into helping out or wanting to spend time with him. LO is 3.5 now and they are somewhat close now.

Our second LO was planned and he helped way more with her. I don't know if it was because we were a little older or she was planned? Probably a combination of both. He loves both kids equally.. our first LO just wasn't planned so it took him awhile to jump onboard.

Honestly, giving your child a bottle at this age, when it isn't necessary, can be very bad. Nipple confusion is very common and I wouldn't risk it if you plan on breastfeeding for a while. There are other ways for dads to bond.

I doubt one bottle would confuse a 3 week old but I guess it's up to the parent.

Quoting bobbibouche:" I doubt one bottle would confuse a 3 week old but I guess it's up to the parent."

I know that it can, its just unlikely. But she has already had to have several bottles because she was under bili lights for jaundice- and so far no confusion  

Thank you for all of your advice! I do ask him to hold her, and he changes her when asked and gives her the 3 am feeling- it was more of a sense that he is uninterested and detached. But it is already getting slightly better. I hadn't thought about the whole "meeting her as a stranger" thing- thats a helpful way to look at it.

Quoting SummerMama333:" I know that it can, its just unlikely. But she has already had to have several bottles because she was ... [snip!] ... getting slightly better. I hadn't thought about the whole "meeting her as a stranger" thing- thats a helpful way to look at it."

Glad it's getting better!! Good luck!

If hes really close to DD 1 he might feel that hes not being "faithful" to her in a way if he tries to have a good relationship with DD 2. You know what I mean? Maybe hes afraid that his relationship with DD1 will suffer or something.

Quoting ~*Mommy of 5*~:" If hes really close to DD 1 he might feel that hes not being "faithful" to her in a way if he tries to ... [snip!] ... good relationship with DD 2. You know what I mean? Maybe hes afraid that his relationship with DD1 will suffer or something. "

I think this was part of my hubbys issue. He felt that our first was kinda getting the short end of the stick because she now had to share me with another baby.