How do you tell your husband ...

that you don't love him anymore?
Or not so much that you don't love him but that you don't want to be with him?



Smurf  

I didn't. He told me, I just didn't put up a fight. And I ALWAYS fight for what I want, so.. that was enough.

Quoting Flibbertigibbet:" that you don't love him anymore? Or not so much that you don't love him but that you don't want to be with him? Smurf  "

I tell SO my feelings in letters, I'm better at writing than speaking. So I write, THEN we talk. You can do that. Or you can just sit him down and tell him. But above all you have to be honest. And do it soon. Open, honest, and in the least harsh way would be my way to do it.

I just flat out told him. No sense in beating around the bush, tiptoeing through the tulips....

Quoting Philosoraptor.:" I didn't. He told me, I just didn't put up a fight. And I ALWAYS fight for what I want, so.. that was enough."

I wish he would. I wish he didn't love me/want to be with me. This would be so much easier.

Quoting Flibbertigibbet:" I wish he would. I wish he didn't love me/want to be with me. This would be so much easier."

It's hard, when one is still in love and the other isn't. I've been on both sides, and regardless it sucks.

Do you have any idea WHY you may be feeling this way? Is it something you can work out, or are you just DONE?

Choosing to end a relationship is not easy. Just make sure it's not something you'll regret if you do it. Give him a clear reason for not wanting to be together anymore, because being vague is not going to allow him closure. Don't be mean about it, but be honest.

Quoting FroggysMommy:" I tell SO my feelings in letters, I'm better at writing than speaking. So I write, THEN we talk. You ... [snip!] ... him. But above all you have to be honest. And do it soon. Open, honest, and in the least harsh way would be my way to do it."

This is what ive done in the past....this time just seems so much more serious for a letter, ya know? Im sooo nervous

Quoting Philosoraptor.:" It's hard, when one is still in love and the other isn't. I've been on both sides, and regardless it ... [snip!] ... wanting to be together anymore, because being vague is not going to allow him closure. Don't be mean about it, but be honest."

We've been together for 4 years and pretty much the whole time has been a disaster.
I just feel like he has hurt me beyond repair for us to be together, and that we are just too different of people...we dont have the same goals and desires.
I want to be happy so bad and I know that won't happen with him.

Quoting Flibbertigibbet:" We've been together for 4 years and pretty much the whole time has been a disaster. I just feel like ... [snip!] ... different of people...we dont have the same goals and desires. I want to be happy so bad and I know that won't happen with him."

So tell him that. Avoid placing blame on either of you. Saying it's you is only going to give him hope you'll get back together. Saying it's him is only going to shake his confidence and lower his self esteem. You can have two incredible individuals that just don't work as a couple. That is no one's fault. Tell him you care about both of your happiness, and you don't feel that either of you can be happy or reach your goals whilst you are together.

Quoting Philosoraptor.:" So tell him that. Avoid placing blame on either of you. Saying it's you is only going to give him hope ... [snip!] ... about both of your happiness, and you don't feel that either of you can be happy or reach your goals whilst you are together."

Thank you, I agree  

Quoting Flibbertigibbet:" We've been together for 4 years and pretty much the whole time has been a disaster. I just feel like ... [snip!] ... different of people...we dont have the same goals and desires. I want to be happy so bad and I know that won't happen with him."

Can you work past that hurt? Do you WANT to work past the hurt? My SO has hurt me.... BAD.... but we worked through it. We made a pact to work through it and try and we have our moments but we are so, SOOOOO SOOOOOOOO much better than what we used to be. But again, you have to want it. If you want it and think he will change the err in his ways, then maybe you can try. But if he's a stonewall and you are just done... then walk away. You have the right to be happy  

Quoting FroggysMommy:" Can you work past that hurt? Do you WANT to work past the hurt? My SO has hurt me.... BAD.... but we ... [snip!] ... then maybe you can try. But if he's a stonewall and you are just done... then walk away. You have the right to be happy  "

That's great.
I'm such a mix of emotions right now.
But I feel like my true gut feeling is that I don't want this anymore....I feel guilty about it but at the same time I feel like I have to do what I have to do to make myself happy for not only me but for my boys too.
Thanks mama

Quoting Flibbertigibbet:" That's great. I'm such a mix of emotions right now. But I feel like my true gut feeling is that I ... [snip!] ... the same time I feel like I have to do what I have to do to make myself happy for not only me but for my boys too. Thanks mama"

I think you should try to work it out. The two of you have a family, this isn't just about y'all anymore. I don't mean for this to sound rude at all. I believe that marriage is a life long commitment. When you said for better or worse, you meant it. Stick to it. You can do it. (: Just be up front with him about it. Honesty and trust is how you'll get back on track. It may take some time and a bit of elbow grease, but it can be done.

Maybe the two of you just need some time apart. See how it is to just be alone. Because if you just end it on a sudden feeling, it could be harder to reconcile later if you choose to do so. If you really do feel done though, and are positive that there is no hope, do what your gut says. Yes, you do have children but it isn't fair to them to be in a home where the parents are unhappy. They can sense it. No, broken homes aren't ideal, but it doesmt mean that a child cannot thrive that comes from one. My parents would argue and it was miserable. Even when they weren't arguing you could tell they weren't happy. Do what's right for you and for the kids. Just don't go back and forth because that is damaging also. Good luck and god bless

I'm sorry things aren't getting better

 


just be honest! you deserve to be happy

good luck