If the father isn't in the picture...

What do you tell your child about him? Do you portray him as a bad or good guy? I'm so lost on what to tell my son when he starts asking why his dad isn't around. He left me while I was pregnant and we have no contact what so ever. I don't want LO to feel guilty like it's his fault that his dad left. Ugh I just don't know what to do.

No I dont think you should potray him as the bad guy. He may one day reach out to his son. Give them at least a chance to have a clean slate with each other.

he wasnt in the picture until september of last year...he hit my son in the face hard enough to leave bruises on both sides of his face and butt. i will never forgive hima nd never portray him as a good person

I kno where ur coming from! My BD left me 2 weeks ago and out baby girl will b here in 7 weeks! We have not talked since he left and I'm so lost I dnt know what to do either! All is can say is keep ur head up and hope it works out. I'm not really ire what to tell ur LO cuz this is also my first child so I've never been in this situation b4!

He's in and out. I basically try to stay add positive as I can and I never badmouth him to or around her, but i'm honest with her. She's drawn a lot of pretty accurate conclusions about him just from his actions.

Never badmouth the other parent (ever).

But, you don't have to tell lies and portray him like the awesome dad or anything like that. Just tell it like it is: we broke up when I was pregnant with you and he's never been a part of your life, by his own choice.

Keep in touch with Dad just enough (at least what city he lives in/etc if you can) so that when your kid is older, he/she can decide on his/her own whether or not to contact him and talk it all out.

Mostly, though, just don't worry about it. You'll know how to respond based on how yoru child asks, if he/she ever does.

LO is only one, but BD has never tried to make contact with neither me or her since he found out that I was pregnant.

My SO plans on being her father figure so hopefully she won't start questioning it until she's old enough to understand when I tell her that her real father wasn't ready to be her father. That's pretty much all I'm going to say. If she decides to pursue a relationship with him I'll give her his information and after she meets him and her sister she can figure the rest out for herself. lol

If there was no other father figure in her life I would just tell her that her daddy wasn't ready to be a good daddy to her so it was in her best interest to let him leave.. or something. I don't know really I'll think of something when the time comes. lol

Quoting [yo.]:" he wasnt in the picture until september of last year...he hit my son in the face hard enough to leave ... [snip!] ... enough to leave bruises on both sides of his face and butt. i will never forgive hima nd never portray him as a good person"

 

I told her he ran away.. that's it, nothing more and nothing less. As she gets older I don't know what I'll say, probably tell him he wasn't ready for a family and that you're not a "father" just because you helped create a child, etc. When she's old enough I'll give her my court book with all my papers and smurf in it, about abuse etc.

so far, i haven't had to tell anything to my 4 year old. my husband has stepped into the dad role for my son 3 years ago, so my son calls my husband "dad". he doesn't know any different since his sperm donor has only seen him 3 days of his life (last time over 3 years ago). my husband is in the process of adopting my son right now.

Well, my dad wasn't around, and my mom was always very matter of fact about it. She told me he wasn't able to be around because he wasn't well (he was actually just an alcoholic and a general jerk, lmao), and she never made him seem good or bad. Didn't talk about him unless I asked, which was rare because I generally didn't care.

And she told me as I got older that she wouldn't be offended if I wanted to look for him, which was nice.

Yeah I would never say "your dad is an smurf and didn't want to be with us" or anything of that nature. I want him to know that we were happily together for awhile but things just didn't work out because we were different people. Hopefully he can just accept it and realize he doesn't need him in his life. I feel bad for him, not having a dad. I just wish he had two sides of his family instead of one. I'm so scared he'll look him up one day and the father will want nothing to do with him. Hopefully he'll have matured enough at that point in his life that he will accept his first born son, but who knows. Thanks for the advice!

My father wasn't in the picture at all (which was both his and my mother's fault). She never mentioned anything at all about him and pretended her douchebag (now ex) husband was my father even though I was nearly three before I met him.
I had found out on my own when I was four or five about him and waited until I was nine or so to bring it up with my mother. She made him out to be an smurf and I don't know if she ever would have said anything had I not asked.
From my own experience with that, I would have rather my mother have talked about it instead of pretending and hadn't made him out to be some ass. He's honestly a good guy and while I'll never think of him as a dad, we have a good relationship. He was young and immature and she made things really miserable when he actually tried to see me.

Jo honestly thinks that SO is her dad, but he isn't. Her real dad has never met her and has even said he doesn't care if the "brat" lives or dies (when I was pregnant). He gives no child support and has no claim to her whatsoever. The sad part is is that he lived within walking distance of our house up until Jo was 18 months old and he's never seen her.

So when she starts asking questions about her real dad I will be honest about him and let her know that he was NOT a good person and she's better off without him.

Although my 10 yr sees her dad like 2 times a year. I do not need to protray anything about him she knows he is a loser and a deadbeat in recent conversations we have had about him lately and well now that she is older she tells me how she feels about him and what she thinks of him.

I no longer hide my hate for him with her. Just a few months ago or so she called him an asshat lol it was funny and I dont give a smurf what she says to him.

She is seeing him in a few weeks and he will get a mouthful thats forsure cause she is going to tell him off and I will just sit there and let her.