Dear diary

So my ex boyfriend just keeps breaking my heart. We were together for a while, and it was awesome when I was pregnant. As soon as I had our son things went downhill so very fast. Even though he was a jerk, and an alcoholic, and a selfish person/father I still miss him and love him. I want him back so badly, but I want a better version of him. I think I'm in love with the idea of my son having a father and us all being together. one big happy family. Recently he started dating. He's been seeing this total white trash smurf, and I hate her. I do not want her anywhere near my son. She doesn't even take care of her own son, her mother does. And I'm sorry but when you have a baby TAKE CARE OF IT. Don't just dump your kid off on your parents. I take care of my son every goddamn day of my life. anyways, even though she's a horrible person I am so jealous that he wants to spend time with her and not me. I want him to want my son and I the way he wants her. He even went to the park with the smurf-bird and her son. :[ It hurts me so much when he talks about her and going out with her. they go to the bar all the time, and even if he and I were together that's not something we could do because one of us always has to be with our son. We are too poor to hire a babysitter, and his family is so unfit to watch him. Anyways. I'm just kind of depressed I guess.

Can somebody please just say something to this?? I feel like nobody cares about anything I have to say.

I'm shy, quiet, and not very funny or interesting. i attract these fantastic losers. i feel like that's why no one wants to date me.

I agree, it sounds like you just want a perfect happy family. Of course every one wants that. But you need to get it in your head that you are done with this guy forever. Also, it's hard to have a kid when you aren't ready. I'm married and love my son to death but if I had had him when I was young and single, it would be very hard for me to have the same relationship with him that I have now. I'm not saying don't judge this girl, because that's probably impossible at this point, lol. But it just causes drama.