Living with Mother-in-Law. Am I paranoid? Or just being a mo

So I'm husband has lived with his mom for years. His dad died 4 years ago of cancer and his mom had a heart attack 4 years ago and has congestive heart failure. He moved in to take care of her. Last summer he has to go take care of family business out of state so I moved in to take care of her. He came home and we got married and we have a little one on the way. But his mother is very needy. I understand heart attacks can be tough, but it was 4 years ago. Since than she sleeps on a couch and never moves. She stands up to change her depends (diapers) right next to the couch and throws it away in the kitchen garbage. Won't even walk upstairs. She is losing her muscle efficientcy because she never moves, making it harder for when she has to... Doctor appointments and such. Her hands peel and hurt her so she never washes them cause it burns. But she changes her depends, sneezes, and eats with her hands and touches everything. I don't want her holding my baby! Is that crazy of me? I know she needs help, but it would be easier if she just tried to help herself. she gets sick a lot, because of congestive heart failure and her life style but the blankets she sleeps with on the couch rarely get washed because she dosnt get up. My husbands works and I pretty much just stay in our room, jut because I think everything is so contaminated! It drives me crazy. I don't want to bring a baby into this situation. We live in a 2 bed room place. One is the MIL room but she dosnt sleep there but all her stuff is there so it's of limits. And our room is so small, but I know ppl make it work. But just having to take care of her, and a baby, and being paranoid not wanting to take the baby out of our room scares me! Am I crazy?

Id probably be the same way.. why can't she hang out in her room instead of the couch?

You are not crazy. I would do the same thing.

If u take care of her wash her blakents and clean with bleach and lysol problem sloved, she wont get sick as much...

<blockquote><b>Quoting Baby Bluitt due 10-20-12!:</b>" So I'm husband has lived with his mom for years. His dad died 4 years ago of cancer and his mom had a ... [snip!] ... having to take care of her, and a baby, and being paranoid not wanting to take the baby out of our room scares me! Am I crazy?"</blockquote>




Move the smurf out ASAP, put that bitch ni a home. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that and I sure as balls wouldn't want her to be in the air my child breathes let alone have her hold my child.

Are you unable to wash her blankets for her, and help her to take a bath? I know you said you're there to help her but it seems more like you're complaining that she doesn't do anything on her own, which is confusing. My MIL had to help her MIL because she was senile. She helped her do everything, cooked, cleaned, bathed, helped her use the bathroom when needed, helped change her, laundry, everything under the moon, she helped her with until she passed away, all while having a little baby to raise at the same time. Not so sure you're doing the same thing, as I would imagine someone in that condition would actually need help, and not just an opinion of what needs to be done.

Btw im ot trying to be mean my mil is the same way i would clean where i needed to for my kids but she at least sleeps inher room and pees and poops on the toielt lol.

Is there anyway you guys can afford at home care for her? Is there financial assistance for that sort of thing? If you or your husband can't help her you really should find someone who can.

Not crazy! I am a germ-a-phob and would feel that way also. How is her mobility? Is her CHF so difficult she can't get up to go to the restroom and change her depend? Sounds like she may need a bit more help home care agencies are a good option. Good for you taking on helping to caring for her 

Quoting #3 is on the way!:" Are you unable to wash her blankets for her, and help her upstairs to take a bath? I know you said you're ... [snip!] ... thing, as I would imagine someone in that condition would actually need help, and not just an opinion of what needs to be done."

This this this this this.

Also I'd like to add. Sometimes she goes upstairs to go to the bathroom, usually when her stomach is upset. So he goes #2 and she can't move her hands very much because of arthritis so there is always a lot of poop on stuff. Like the toilet, flusher, floor, and door nob. I go in after and clean up. But since being pregnant i get nausesous to easy and usually throw up, and it's getting harder to bend down and clean the floors and such. And I'm pretty sure no pregnant woman is supposed to inhale as much bleach fumes as I do. I have been to the ER 5 times during this pregnancy because is bleeding and pain. I don't know if it's from stress or what. But I'm trying to be patient. Im on bed rest so I can't work, and since hubby is the only one working I'm trying not to be pushy about moving since money is tight, and it's HIS mom.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Meep:</b>" Is there anyway you guys can afford at home care for her? Is there financial assistance for that sort of thing? If you or your husband can't help her you really should find someone who can."</blockquote>



If she gets ssi or ssd they will pay for someone

i totally understand where your concerns are coming from......are u planning on breastfeeding? if so, your baby will get important antibodies to all the things u have been exposed to .
in regards to your MIL.....get her some hand lotion that has antibacterial sanatizer in it. You can also tell her that her blankets need to be washed (how ever many times a wk u want) do to dust (which isnt good for her respitory system or the new baby)
You can use ''nesting'' as an excuse to clean everything really good w/o offending her........

Not trying to be rude but it sounds like you arent really helping her much. If she is having problems with basic day to day tasks then why arent you helping her? I am also with my in laws for a few months and when certain things cleaning wise arent being done up to my standards I get my ass to cleaning. I bleach the floors and clean daily because of their two dogs. If the fumes bother you wear a mask. Are you mixing bleach with water in the correct proportions? When I mix right the smell is barely noticable.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Baby Bluitt due 10-20-12!:</b>" Also I'd like to add. Sometimes she goes upstairs to go to the bathroom, usually when her stomach is ... [snip!] ... work, and since hubby is the only one working I'm trying not to be pushy about moving since money is tight, and it's HIS mom."</blockquote>


I would be researching home care ASAP. Here in Ontario they will do an assessment and offer coverage. Not sure how it works where you live. If you are on rest you should not be doing what you have been.