It's no ones fault. I can't imagine what you two are going through. My deepest sympathies are with you. I think you would both benefit seeing a counselor. Both seperately and together. Healing is different for each. And you two need to heal seperately and together, while still keeping your relationship afloat.
Best of luck and I'm so sorry for your loss.
As someone who has experienced a loss like that let me say this.
Sometimes the guilt doesn't go away. It hasn't for me and it's been 4 years. We always think about what we could have done differently, how we made mistakes we didn't even know about.
But the fact of the matter is that there are thing in life we can't control, no matter how much we want to believe other wise. Finding fault is only going to drive you guys apart. Counseling is a good idea.
Who is to say that you wouldn't have gotten into a car accident on the way and been delayed that way? Or that L&D would have been full and they would have made you wait too long? During this time, you MUST cling to each other. No one really knows the pain unless they've lost a child. You two are in this horrible situation together. Hold each other, love each other through this.
It's not easy. It's horrible. I'm still dealing with my sons death. But you know what? My husband and I are strong. We aren't just "happy go lucky seem to get along well" type of strong. We are "We've went through a horrible tragedy together" strong. There is nothing that can break us. There is nothing worse that anyone could ever do to us. We know that we survived the worst situation in our lives and came through it.
I guess I'm trying to say that it will get better if you love each other. It's not his fault, it's not your fault. It's life's fault. It's statistics fault.
If you need to talk more just PM me. I've been where you are and I know a few awesome people that have as well.
Quoting Libertarian ♥:" As someone who has experienced a loss like that let me say this. Sometimes the guilt doesn't go away. ... [snip!] ... fault. If you need to talk more just PM me. I've been where you are and I know a few awesome people that have as well."