Second child

I have an almost 22 month old daughter, Suraya. Her dad got arrested and put in jail with 8 charges on May 24th of 2011 for beating me in front of her and doing countless other horrendous things. He hasn't seen her or been in our lives since.
January 2012, I started seeing a guy who I really love and who loves me. We're both young with big dreams. I'm working towards becoming an L&D nurse and he is wanting to be an English teacher and wants to transfer to a University across the country.

Friday I realized that my period was late. My boyfriend and I decided I needed to take a test. There were two lines. We were always protected so I'm not sure how this happened, but now I have a very big decision to make.

Ben (my boyfriend) feels like he's not ready to be a dad. Not only does he feel like he's not ready, he also doesn't want to be a dad yet. He has saved my life in more ways than anyone could think of and I do not want to ruin his life. I'm worried about our relationship. What will happen? I do not want to be left on my own with two children. I'm not sure where to start in making this decision. I'm know that I will be able to get to where I want to be in life regardless of my circumstances, but I am worried about the extra time it would take with another baby. I want to keep this baby, Ben thinks abortion is the best option. I am torn. I also am afraid for my body, which may sound silly and trivial, but I can't help it. My daughter was 11 lbs 8.4 oz at birth. She stretched me out so badly. My skin is saggy and torn and my vagina isn't what it used to be either. Will it be even worse after another child? What if Ben and I don't work out and my vagina ends up being like a giant parachute? I worry no one will ever want me because of it and I will forever be alone (this sounds immature, I know).

Any advice on how a second child changes your life, changes your body, and how to begin on making a decision would be so appreciated. I am very confused and very upset right now and just need some guidance and insight from anyone willing to give it to me. Thanks in advance.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Suraya's mommy ♥:</b>" I have an almost 22 month old daughter, Suraya. Her dad got arrested and put in jail with 8 charges on ... [snip!] ... and very upset right now and just need some guidance and insight from anyone willing to give it to me. Thanks in advance."</blockquote>




If you really want to keep the baby then keep it. If he really loves you then he will respect your decision.

Your worries aren't silly, they all make sense and I think it's wonderful that you are taking the time to weigh out your options and think of the pros and cons.

What you're going through isn't easy, and try your best not to rush your decision. In the end, it's you having to live with this decision, and you just have to make sure that YOU are happy with the outcome of it all.

I have two children, but circumstances are different. My body did continue to change, and I got more stretchmarks and such.

Maybe you can sit down and write a list of pros and cons? Do you have any close friends you can sit down and talk too that know you and your life so they could lend an ear and share their opinion?

I do understand Ben's POV, as you said you're both young and have big dreams, and it seems like he just isn't ready. (Not blaming him at all, of course)

Best wishes with everything <3

If YOU feel that an abortion is the right thing for you situation, then think about it. It's not an easy choice to make. I am pregnant with my second and even though I with my SO, being left alone with two children scared me too. I wanted to make sure that this is the man I want to be with. This is something y'all should definitely sit down and talk about and think really hard about. If it's something morally you can't do or your too scared... what ever the reason is, it's okay and it should be enough to him. But you also have to think about your child that is already here and what she deserves. Start making a pros and cons list.

I'm sorry you're stuck in a rough situation hon <3 I wouldn't be able to have an abortion either and if you don't think you could live with doing that then you shouldn't. If he truly loves you, he'll understand that. Body wise, after two, Im no different then I was after one.....now after these twins...that's another story lmao Feel free to PM me or hit me up on FB if you need anything!

I honestly just want to give you a hug.   You just need to do what you feel is right. When I told my Husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) that I was pregnant with our now 14 month old son he said he wasn't ready to be a father either. It was a little rough at first and he was very distant through-out the entire pregnancy but, as soon as Carter was born, his whole attitude changed. He's an amazing Father now and, while he admits that he wasn't the best support when I was pregnant, he's glad that Carter came along. Glad enough, in fact, that when Carter was about 9 months old we decided to start trying to have another baby and I'm now 30 weeks pregnant with our little girl and we couldn't be happier.

I'd just hate to see you get an abortion just because he thought he wasn't ready to be a father and have you be completly torn up about it afterwards so, if you do decide that abortion is the answer, then just make sure you're 100% possitive that's what YOU want to do. Whatever you decide, for whatever it's worth, you have my support and I wish you the best in everything to come.

Quoting Layla's Momma ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Suraya's mommy ♥:</b>" I have an almost 22 month old daughter, ... [snip!] ... If you really want to keep the baby then keep it. If he really loves you then he will respect your decision."

Exactly...