Quoting L☣J:" I would have but my phone is broken, Leah drowned it...and it was really late, like 3am, I wouldn't ... [snip!] ... been irritable and pushing him away for almost 3 years. It's not entirely my fault, I see that now, but I'm mostly to blame."
Oh yeah I forgot about that.
I wish there was some way that I could make you understand what I know. I was in an abusive relationship before James, for three years. It was just like your relationship...we were toxic to each other but extremely emotionally co-dependent. Whenever I would act crazy and we would get into horrendous fights, a lot of them physical, I would usually end up blaming myself for instigating things, but the underlying issue that I couldn't see then was that we were not compatible. Did I do some things I shouldn't have done? Of course. I constantly looked through his phone, internet history, etc. and ALWAYS started fights. Then, I'd blame myself. But the thing is is that he was doing things that I was not okay with, being in a committed relationship, but he didn't see anything he did being wrong for being in a committed relationship. We were not compatible. But oh, we just loved each other so much right? No..that's not love. Now, I'm with someone who shares the same set of beliefs about committed, monogamous relationships as I do. This is why our relationship dynamic is vastly different from my previous relationship. We also love each other unconditionally, meaning, not just because either of us "puts up" with the other, or because he deals with my craziness or because I deal with his issues, but because we love
one another wholly and completely. To me, he is more important than I am. He comes before me. And to him, I am more important than he is, and I come before him. I wish so badly for you to be treated with the respect that you deserve and to feel LOVE. I've shown you this before and I'll show you again.
Sounds like you're in the honeymoon stage, yes?