Should my daughters go to their sister's funeral?

I've always been a lurker here and this site is great for advice.. I have 3 kids - 10, 6, and 4 I've never had the need to sign up because I was able to get help by just reading. But a problem in my life has prompted me to sign up. My mother and sisters aren't of any help to me and maybe someone here can relate.

My daughters' half sister has passed away. She was 13 years old and had sickle cell anemia. She and my oldest daughter were extremely close, they went to the same school and got to know each other. Now the problem is that my daughters' father is a married man. He was married when we met and long story short we had a relationship that resulted in our 3 beautiful girls.

To the issue: I'm a little wary of allowing my daughters to go to her funeral. Their father of course wants them to attend but the little girl's mother is up in arms about it. They're organizing everything to be in accordance. They're having dresses made and suits tailored for the occasion. My daughters' father called me yesterday for their measurements and I gave them to him.

I have a friend whose mother is actually making the dresses and she told me how the mother didn't give her mom my daughters' measurements so they won't have dresses and I wonder what his wife will tell him.  

My daughters' name wasn't in the newspaper obituary either and she was the only siblings of the little girl. Everytime my daughters' call to speak to their dad, he's never at home and certain situations have stopped me from allowing them to go over to their house anymore.

All of these things are making me want to keep my children at home. I won't be able to make it because I'm working that morning and know that I wouldn't be invited anyway. My 10 year old daughter is old enough to know when she isn't wanted somewhere and I don't want them to be somewhere that will be filled with tension.

My mom and sisters say they should go because that's their sister and they loved each other and his wife is a bitter bitch and do it just to spite her but I want to take my daughters' well being into consideration. Has anyone ever experienced or been through something like that? Do you have any advice for me?

I would send her because it would help bring her closure.

I would have her go. It will help give her some closure.

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" I would send her because it would help bring her closure. "</blockquote>

Exactly this.

I'm just afraid that she'll be treated badly because of what me and her father did. I want her to go I just don't want her to feel bad when she's there

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dana Ashley:</b>" I've always been a lurker here and this site is great for advice.. I have 3 kids - 10, 6, and 4 I've ... [snip!] ... well being into consideration. Has anyone ever experienced or been through something like that? Do you have any advice for me?"</blockquote>



How does your oldest feel about the situation? Does she want to attend? If so I would just brush off what the wife feels and let her go. It will help her get some closure.

I would definitely want her to go. I think she would need that closure, to know that her sister is gone. Otherwise it might start to be confusing, and she'll wonder why she wasn't able to say goodbye.

I agree with the other ladies....Im also very sad for that little girl's mother.

think about your children and what would be best for them. I think that some sort of closure may be good for them.

I would have them go. Even if I took off work to go with them... I dont care if it causes drama or anything. `1. that was their sister. 2. you are their to support them and 3. she needs to get over herself. Im sorry that she lost her daughter but there is no reason to be a bitch about who comes to the girls funeral.

I would have your daughter go, but I would have their father talk to his wife and get it straight that your daughter is not to be given the cold shoulder.

Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" I would send her because it would help bring her closure. "

         

I just realized how heartless this was of me to say! I am so sorry!
She just lost her child

I think I would let her go....like the other ladies said, it's closure. And the last thing you want is her to resent you when she gets older because she wasn't given the opportunity to say goodbye.

Quoting ~*~ Nichole ~*~:" I would have your daughter go, but I would have their father talk to his wife and get it straight that your daughter is not to be given the cold shoulder. "

   

Yeah, but ask first if she even wants to go. I never wanted to go to funerals and never will want to go. I don't handle the other sad people well.