Quoting Kristennnnnnnnn:" It's alright. I didn't really think you were arguing, but usually every time I discuss anything with ... [snip!] ... to realize it's possible. I know you get it too. You were more informed than some people who post on theses silly things. "
I think the insensitive part was referring to rather have children with autism then dead children. Not just not want dead children. It could be read like some of those mom's who have children that are on the spectrum had a choice and decided to have an autistic child. I'm sure you didn't mean it like that. I know that when I read it the first time I cringed a little. It really hit home since my 5 yrs old is on the spectrum. She is wonderful, I love her to death and as much as my other 2 kids, no questions there.
Having a kid with autism is one heck of a journey though. Hitting huge highs and lows that switch hour to hour. There is no neutral when it comes to this. It is exhausting, frustrating, makes you feel at times unloved, hopeless, your maternal instinct can feel as though they are absolute crap. You work sooooo hard to bond with your child. One minute it's all good something amazing happened, you feel like you won the freaking lottery because your child brushed her teeth without shampooing her hair with the toothpaste or gave a light squeeze to your leg as a hug. Then in one second all bad and so stressful because the red sweater she HAS to wear with her hello kitty pants (even though it's hot as hell outside) is dirty and she decided her day was with her wearing her hello kitty friggen pants. Result? Full blown meltdown included with self harm, you getting bitten, slapped, spit on, kicked. This high pitched scream drilling inside your brain and seriously eroding your patience and self control that will last for an hour. You can't step out though and you can most certainly not lose control. Because the minute you let her go she goes back to scratching her face off and hitting her head with the toy truck in her room. Then will most likely find whatever non comestible sticky substance she can get her hands on (including her own feces) and literally cover every single inch of herself in it then ingest it. So you would rather take the biting and kicking in the face then have her hurt herself.
That was my morning by the way. From around 8 am to 10:30 am.
I know you didn't try to be insensitive. Our discussion was great! I'm just explaining this to kind of explain why saying things like I would rather have a child with autism can really rub a mom the wrong way lol. I certainly know I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I have to admit that I have learned so much from this though. It is hard but the blessings and self discovery/growth that comes with an autistic child are endless.