re: Role Play = Cheating D&D

Quoting Heddur:" i dont know - i actually get turned on by him being turned on by another woman. I have been trying for 3 years to convince him to have a 3some with another woman, and me. "

Me too! Though don't think I could bear a threesome, I've had a few prior to being with SO and they were very unfulfilling, haha.

I'd probably consider the occasional foray outside our relationship, kind of like an open relationship but maybe once a year or so...

Ok my husband says he's not stuffy like those who view it as cheating. He says role playing, you're still with your partner, thinking of your partner even if using a different name or viewing them as the role they're in. He said even fantasizing about someone else during sex play he doesn't view as cheating seeing as your having sex with your partner, but he does clarify that he thinks it is extremely deplorable and demeaning. If you're role playing, the point is that you're with your partner and thinking of your partner, but using different roles to enhanced the excitement and get in the right mood. I have to say I'm in agreement, since you both understand that its purely fictional and just for entertainment and excitement value rather than using it as an escape from who you're with. Heh he surprises me sometimes  

Quoting Heddur:" i dont know - i actually get turned on by him being turned on by another woman. I have been trying for 3 years to convince him to have a 3some with another woman, and me. "

I do too, haha. If I weren't so scared of it complicating things, I would love to try a threesome....or see if he'd let me have a girlfriend, lmao.

I do not view porn or role playing as cheating. I don't particularly like porn, as my exhusband spent more time with it than he did me. Role playing, on the other hand...I can still be Sarah, and he can still be Derek. We aren't using two different faces for arousal. Same faces, different roles.

My conflict is that prostitution is illegal and frowned on as trashy for drug addicts, etc. However add a video camera then it isn't prostitution it is then classified as porn being legal. So all prostitutes really need to do is pay taxes and video tape everything. Plus to me if a man has values that he places on women such as being modest and chaste isn't it also conflicting to then fantasize about horny, hot women doing multiple partners for money instead of getting off to his conservative wife? In contexts when women have a few partners in real life are labeled "loose" "slut" "whore" yet most of those women still couldn't keep up with the numbers a porn star racks up. I don't like when men or women aren't 100% the same on all their values and make exceptions that suit them even if it would be a moral conflict. It is just hypocritical to me so that always gets on my nerves! I'm not stating that I'm against porn but I am against women being degraded verbally in any situation. It's a double standard in so many ways! Anyways, it is hard to speak for all individuals regarding boundaries since they don't always correlate.

I do not consider porn to be cheating, but it can be a very big issue especially if your SO doesn't really seem that interested in you anymore, and just uses porn a lot...as far as role playing...I don't know much about it, but if you are having sex with your significant other how can it possibly be misconstrued as cheating? That's almost like saying that using toys in the bedroom can be considered cheating. Now talking, flirting, touching another person who is not your partner in a fashion that is more than friendly is definitely cheating...

Quoting Mommy Meyer:" My conflict is that prostitution is illegal and frowned on as trashy for drug addicts, etc. However add ... [snip!] ... in so many ways! Anyways, it is hard to speak for all individuals regarding boundaries since they don't always correlate. "

You need licences to do porn.... it's not just, "let's screw and tape it for profit".

License or not it is people having sex in return for money the same as prostitution just bc the government regulates it more doesn't make it any different. People have sex for free all the time so what does it matter if someone gets paid for it..

Quoting Mommy Meyer:" License or not it is people having sex in return for money the same as prostitution just bc the government ... [snip!] ... more doesn't make it any different. People have sex for free all the time so what does it matter if someone gets paid for it.."

I believe prostitution should be legalized... but that's a different debate...

Yea I was just referring to how individual boundaries regarding sexual practice and beliefs don't always make sense. Which is fine. I have a "live and let live" libertarian mindset.

I think it's only cheating if YOU are pretending they are someone else without them knowing they're supposed to BE someone else.

It's also only cheating if it makes either partner feel like they're not good enough the way they are...if it becomes more than a "Spice smurf up" dance ..

not cheating. neither are porn or fantasizing about other people. acting on those fantasies is cheating.

Quoting Lind.:" Or emotional intimacy is cheating. In fact I would be more heart broken if my SO formed an emotional romantic connection with a woman over a physical one. "

I agree with that, I would be far more upset if he had an emotional connection with another woman than I would be at him smurfing a random woman.

Quoting NicoThunders:" I agree with that, I would be far more upset if he had an emotional connection with another woman than I would be at him smurfing a random woman."

Depends on the emotional connection. I have friends that I love, I deeply love. It's a different kind of love though.


Off topic. I adore your avi... I just sit here and watch it every time you post something!   

Quoting MommyRu:" Depends on the emotional connection. I have friends that I love, I deeply love. It's a different kind ... [snip!] ... kind of love though. Off topic. I adore your avi... I just sit here and watch it every time you post something!    "

lol
<3 him!

I'm talking about like, connecting with another woman the way he connects with me. I love my friends, my BFF and I have been close for 21 years, but it's not even close to the same level as the connection I have with DH.