I'm at my wit's end - desperate for help

I am not a patient person. I seriously possess much less than the usual amount of patience. It takes every tiny morsel of patience I possess to get through a diaper change these days without flipping smurf. I have to put him in play pen or room and just walk away immediately afterward, even if he cries, just to calm down, because I refuse to lose my cool with a child just because they're being a child.

But something has to give. It just took 20 minutes to change his diaper. I was on the phone with my husband the whole time and he said he just doesn't understand why Drew fights me SO HARD during diaper changes when he barely does it with him. It left us both exhausted and pissed off. It's a power struggle with both of us fighting to gain control. But this is something that I MUST do. It's his diaper, I have to freaking change it.

He twists and rolls and kicks the Smurf out of me, and shoves his feet into my stomach to the point where he leaves bruises. I had tried to distract him with things that he can't normally have, like the remote, my cell phone, the car keys. It works only for a moment before he realizes it's much more fun to fight mommy.

At first he laughs like crazy like it's the most fun game, but by the end he's fussing too and clearly angry and red in the face.

I've tried:

* making diaper changes fun, being positive and upbeat
* rewarding him for being still
* distracting him
* being very stern
* yelling (not proud of this, and it contributed to the melt down I am sure)
* physically holding down his upper body with my leg (the only way I could complete the diaper change, and I hated it)

I've tried not to send mixed signals, sticking to one "method" for many changes before moving on, but nothing has seemed to have any effect.

Please don't berate me. Just help me. If you have any advice, please just help me because I am feeling like a smurf mom right now.

If you need more info about anything just ask.

Have you tried giving him something to hold while you change him?
Maybe the wipes?

get a cheap mp3 player or light up toy that changes colors & makes random noises, I've actually had to pop my nephew(8-9 months)on the butt so he'd sit still, he kicks hard, screams in my face & sits up & pulls my hair, finally I just barely popped his hand & he cried a little but he sat still & let me get his diaper on

Being a mom just sucks sometimes, honestly, what i have tried after 3 kids....be nice, nicly roll them back, scold (not yelling...exactly...) and then we go to the hold them down with your legs method. This is not a game, i am not going to play with you while you beat me up. When mommy always wins it is not a fun game anymore.

Quoting ......Redhead.........:" Have you tried giving him something to hold while you change him? Maybe the wipes?"

I have. It only distracts him for a moment.

We use cloth wipes so it's basically just a rag, he doesn't find that very interesting. But I've tried my cell phone, the remote, the car keys, etc. It only works for a minute, not usually long enough for me to get him changed.

I can't change mine on the floor because of this. He won't move too much on an elevated surface, maybe try that?

Have you tried pullups? You can kinda yank those off.

It may be time to try potty training..

Im sorry youre going through this.. I know its frustrating.

Quoting Amanda Mada-chan Waldrop:" get a cheap mp3 player or light up toy that changes colors & makes random noises, I've actually had ... [snip!] ... pulls my hair, finally I just barely popped his hand & he cried a little but he sat still & let me get his diaper on"

I've tried that with my phone, and any number of other things that usually entertain him for ages, but it seems like nothing could possibly be more entertaining to him than fighting me. =/

I'd rather not pop him anywhere, but thank you for responding

My niece like baby powder sprinkled on her chest when she gets her diaper changed...she rubs it all over the front of her..lol.
I guess it makes he feel like she's helping, and it keeps her still!

Quoting Rea:" Being a mom just sucks sometimes, honestly, what i have tried after 3 kids....be nice, nicly roll them ... [snip!] ... This is not a game, i am not going to play with you while you beat me up. When mommy always wins it is not a fun game anymore."

Maybe that's what I need to do, just hold him down (as much as I hate it) for the next several diaper changes to show him that I'm serious? He stops laughing at that point, he doesn't think it's funny anymore then.

I just feel like I'm scaring him or something. =/

Quoting Natalie & Nolan{EBF}:" I can't change mine on the floor because of this. He won't move too much on an elevated surface, maybe try that?"

That 20 minute diaper change took place on the sofa. It doesn't matter where it is, he still fights me tooth and nail (and feet).

Quoting kravenscookiejar:" That 20 minute diaper change took place on the sofa. It doesn't matter where it is, he still fights me tooth and nail (and feet)."

Do you think maybe you could do something different to speed up the diaper change?

Quoting j0des(+2):" Have you tried pullups? You can kinda yank those off. It may be time to try potty training.. Im sorry youre going through this.. I know its frustrating."

We use cloth diapers, but I'd tried the pull on Huggies diapers when he was younger and they helped a lot during changes, because back then when he fought during diaper changes he wasn't actually fighting me, you know? He was just trying to take off because he was newly mobile.

Now it's not about taking off it's just about fighting me. We'd started to step into potty training but we really don't feel like he's ready yet. We're going to try again in a couple of months.

Quoting Rea:" Being a mom just sucks sometimes, honestly, what i have tried after 3 kids....be nice, nicly roll them ... [snip!] ... This is not a game, i am not going to play with you while you beat me up. When mommy always wins it is not a fun game anymore."

This is what we do too.

You just have to keep at it OP, I know it's frustrating but try to maintain your composure and gently restrain him if he resists. He will stop fighting you once he realizes he will never win. My LO did this for awhile but now he just lays there nicely and lets me change him.

Quoting kravenscookiejar:" That 20 minute diaper change took place on the sofa. It doesn't matter where it is, he still fights me tooth and nail (and feet)."

  That sucks.

You said he doesn't fight DH as much....maybe observe what he does or have him stand with you a few changes?