re: If you cheated...

Quoting n8ivebutterfli:“ Basically he just asked me if I had been with him. I told him that I had but that it happened before ... [snip!] ... a lie, but I didn't want it to ruin my relationship. I know it was wrong to lie to him but i knew it would break up our family”

No offense but IMO that is something that should have been thought of before someone cheats. If you really want what you have then there is no reason to cheat.

Yeah I know that... it was, what I'd call, before we got really "serious" about each other. We had only been dating about a month and a half then....

Quoting n8ivebutterfli:“ Yeah I know that... it was, what I'd call, before we got really "serious" about each other. We had only been dating about a month and a half then....”

Well, if you werent that serious then it wouldnt have been such a big deal for him to know the truth. It wasnt yet set in stone that you both wanted to stay together so why stress about it if you have stayed together and it didnt happen again and you now have a family. Early on in relationships I dont feel that its as bad as later would be.

Its more of a personal thing if you should tell or not. Like I said if you would want to know the truth if the role was reversed then I feel its a obligation to tell them. I would want to know. It may be hard to get through but if you have moved on, its never happened again and never willand have a good relationship other then that and you are truely in love you can work through it. Ithink it makes you stronger if you do work through it because they know things arent hidden from them and the relationship is open communication.

Quoting God:“ I think it depends on your spouse. I KNOW K.would want me to tell him if I ever cheated (which would ... [snip!] ... to do seeing as we have a theoretically open relationship, heh, so no need to go behind his back even if I was tempted to). C.”

You must be very secure about yourself to have an open relatinship with your husband. I could never do it. How does that work? Isn't there EVER any jealousy?

I'm so insecure that I HATE porn in our relationship, much less him sleeping with another woman.

(and you don't have to answer this next question if it's too private but....) Are either of you worried about an STD? Just wondering.

My husband said he'd never cheat on me because 1: he loves me and our son too much, and 2: he doesn't want to chance bringing an STD in our home.

Quoting n8ivebutterfli:“ Basically he just asked me if I had been with him. I told him that I had but that it happened before ... [snip!] ... a lie, but I didn't want it to ruin my relationship. I know it was wrong to lie to him but i knew it would break up our family”

I understand, and I'm going to be completely honest here -

When I first met my now husband, he and I had been dating 4 days prior to my planned trip to Chicago...in those first 4 days, he was telling me he loved me and was all over me, which I don't like...I hate feeling "clobbered." Well, my best friend, Keston, whom I was still in love with at the time, lived in Chicago....he and I had a fling that weekend because I thought nothing would happen between Marco (my now husband) and I and I thought I would just move back to Chicago soon anyway. It was after I got back that we conceived and we're now married. Marco and I met May 1st, 2007, and by the 31st, found out we were expecting....by the way, our first date wasn't even until May 11th (holy crap...it will be a year this Sunday since our first date and we have a 13-week old son!). I guess Marco and I were together but I just felt smothered by him. I never told him because of the circumstances, and although I think about it, I don't feel bad anymore because we were only technically dating the first 4 days, obviously. I honestly thought it would just be a fling anyway, being we were always drunk and never had sober sex anyway. I know it doesn't make it right, but we weren't even serious at that point.

I don't see the point in telling him now.

Keston is still my best friend but I don't have feelings for him anymore at all, and haven't in almost a year. And he would NEVER even try anything anyway, being I'm married and we have a son - he's a really wonderful person and very respectful of things. He never would have done anything with me had Marco and I been in a serious relationship.

Do you think it's wrong that I never told Marco?

By the way, I'm not going to tell Marco anyway - it's irrelevant at this point.

Quoting Future_Chicago_Cubs_Mommy:“ I understand, and I'm going to be completely honest here - When I first met my now husband, he ... [snip!] ... have done anything with me had Marco and I been in a serious relationship. Do you think it's wrong that I never told Marco?”

I think the relationship you guys now have started off on a bad foot and the second step was even worse by not telling him. I understand at the time you never expected to stay with him long term but bc of your child together you are now bound. I understand the complexity of it. But if you are now married and trying to create a family, I do think there are some major cracks in the foundation bc of the beginnings.
However I don't really know what I would do. Have you guys had that discussion -- if either of you cheated would you want to know? If you would want to know then I'm sure he would. If you would rather not know then go with that.

One more thing - I'd NEVER cheat on my husband. Once we conceived, that was it.

We became serious right after my Chicago trip, even a couple of days prior to conceiving. I realized a lot on my trip - Keston and I were never together, but I realized that it would always be a fling with him and he would never actually be more than a best friend to me, and I was fine with that.

The strange thing is that after that weekend, my feelings for him ceased - and it's nothing he did, it just happened.

Quoting pinkpigeon:“ I think the relationship you guys now have started off on a bad foot and the second step was even ... [snip!] ... would you want to know? If you would want to know then I'm sure he would. If you would rather not know then go with that.”

You do have points, but things are so much different now. All we were doing in the begining was sleeping toegther.

If he were with another woman that weekend (which I've always suspected), I wouldn't be mad (obviously) but wouldn't want to know.

Quoting Future_Chicago_Cubs_Mommy:“ One more thing - I'd NEVER cheat on my husband. Once we conceived, that was it. We became serious ... [snip!] ... that. The strange thing is that after that weekend, my feelings for him ceased - and it's nothing he did, it just happened.”

Well good. It seems like you take your relationship seriously and are really looking at your friendship and relationship with a mature eye. Kudos! Many people refuse to acknowledge they've done wrong and want to change their ways.

Quoting pinkpigeon:“ I think the relationship you guys now have started off on a bad foot and the second step was even ... [snip!] ... would you want to know? If you would want to know then I'm sure he would. If you would rather not know then go with that.”

But we don't cheat on each other at all and wouldn't.

Quoting pinkpigeon:“ Well good. It seems like you take your relationship seriously and are really looking at your friendship ... [snip!] ... with a mature eye. Kudos! Many people refuse to acknowledge they've done wrong and want to change their ways. ”

I thought about telling him once we conceived, and believe me, I felt so guilty for so long, but I just left it.....had we been serious prior to Chicago or conceived or whatever, I never would have done it in the first place.

well, i cheated on my hubby when he was deployed with more guys then i would like to say. unfortunately for me other people knew and a friend of his found out. i didn't plan on saying anything but a girl who i thought was my friend decided to email him and tell him. i fessed up and admitted to it. when he got home it was really hard and we went through a rough period for 8 months, but things worked well and we decided it was time for a baby! I would never want to see him hurt like that again so i KNOW i'll never cheat again

Quoting USMCBabyOnTheWay:“ well, i cheated on my hubby when he was deployed with more guys then i would like to say. unfortunately ... [snip!] ... well and we decided it was time for a baby! I would never want to see him hurt like that again so i KNOW i'll never cheat again”

Not that I am for cheating, but was your relationship rocky to begin with? Or were you just lonely? Just wondering.

Hmmm.... interesting... I've never been in this situation because I've never cheated but I think I would end upfessing up. Even if I tried to keep it a secret I think my guilty conscience would get the better of me. To me personally a relationship where you can't be completely honest and where there are these kinds of secrets is not much of a relationship. At least not the kind that I want. I see it from the not wanting to hurt him point... but I would feel like I was betraying him, which in turn would make me feel like I was hurting him. Ugh. What an awful situation! I have friends who have cheated... onewithher significant other's friends/best friend.... he eventually found out about it all.... and he stayed with herfor years afterwards but it was something that he frequently threw back in her face after "forgiving her". Needless to say, they did not last. But that makes another point... if you are lucky enough to have this happen and have that relationship where you can work through it... to forgive and throw back in someone's face whenever it is convenient... is an awful thing. So being honest opens that crazy can of worms... but as far as I'm concerned... so doesn't the keeping it a secret aspect! Then again.. no can of worms without the cheating.. lol.