my bff lost hers...

my life long best friend is mourning a miscarriage that occurred about a month ago. she was 18 weeks pregnant. i have been by her side every time she needs to talk, however, she is having issues with intimacy with her SO. she feels angry with him all the time and like he doesnt care at all.

her SO will not speak to her about this miscarriage or even acknowledge that it happened. he simply says let it go. he has also been very grumpy towards her to the point where our co-workers are noticing a change in his behavior.

i am running out of ways to comfort her. is there anything i can say or do to make this horrific experience a little less awful?

She's not the only one suffering from a loss. He needs space and time to grieve too. Everyone grieves differently. Just tell her to give him space and time, he needs to get in touch with his own feelings, and learn to accept the loss of the baby in his own way. When he's ready, he'll talk to her about it. If she keeps trying to force the subject, or bringing it up around him, it'll ruin their relationship potentially.

Quoting Momma Rawks:" She's not the only one suffering from a loss. He needs space and time to grieve too. Everyone grieves ... [snip!] ... about it. If she keeps trying to force the subject, or bringing it up around him, it'll ruin their relationship potentially."

 
Said it best!

Quoting Momma Rawks:" She's not the only one suffering from a loss. He needs space and time to grieve too. Everyone grieves ... [snip!] ... about it. If she keeps trying to force the subject, or bringing it up around him, it'll ruin their relationship potentially."

Agreed.
I'm the type to bottle it up until it explodes over something stupid like burnt toast. DH wants to talk about it immediately, and a lot of times I'm just not ready until the toast burns.

Quoting Momma Rawks:" She's not the only one suffering from a loss. He needs space and time to grieve too. Everyone grieves ... [snip!] ... about it. If she keeps trying to force the subject, or bringing it up around him, it'll ruin their relationship potentially."

Pretty much I was gonna say. Just better worded

My ex was the EXACT SAME about my
Hardest mc that was at 14 weeks. I left his ass and found someone more... Human.

The mc happened just a month ago, they really shouldn't stress too much about intimacy right now, but in all reality she probably doesn't feel comfortable around him since he's "grumpy" about the whole thing. I don't care if it's "Just his way" of dealing with grief, I have one piece of advice for her: leave . Fast.

He will not likely just magically come around and be supportive or compassionate if he's not already. My SO now was so kind and listened and huggede for HOURS though we started dating a year After it happened. She deserves better, IMO.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Morgan Breeding:</b>" my life long best friend is mourning a miscarriage that occurred about a month ago. she was 18 weeks ... [snip!] ... am running out of ways to comfort her. is there anything i can say or do to make this horrific experience a little less awful? "</blockquote>



You're pregnant so that probably makes her feel pretty awful.

Not your fault though. My BFF brought over a HUGE box of dinner from my fabe restaurant, goodies and treats-every SINGLE one of my fave things ever- soup from my Fave restaurant, my fave snacks and movies, a hand-made card signed by all the people I know...I've never forgotten what an awesome and thoughtful gift that was.

Quoting Momma Rawks:" She's not the only one suffering from a loss. He needs space and time to grieve too. Everyone grieves ... [snip!] ... about it. If she keeps trying to force the subject, or bringing it up around him, it'll ruin their relationship potentially."

 

Also I should mention that though he's grieving, it's a MAJOR red flag that he says "get over it". I dgaf if he's grieving too. What an asinine and unforgivable thing to say. Unless you've had a mc you really, truly cannot comprehend what an
Awful thing that Is to hear

Quoting Lady [BFP!]:" Also I should mention that though he's grieving, it's a MAJOR red flag that he says "get over it". I ... [snip!] ... and unforgivable thing to say. Unless you've had a mc you really, truly cannot comprehend what an Awful thing that Is to hear"

Most men find it difficult to voice their emotions and you really don't know the whole thing... He could be acting like this because he feels someone needs to be strong right now. If he's a wreck she could become even more of a wreck.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Stu Padasso:</b>" Most men find it difficult to voice their emotions and you really don't know the whole thing... He could ... [snip!] ... acting like this because he feels someone needs to be strong right now. If he's a wreck she could become even more of a wreck. "</blockquote>



True, but why the hell would he say "get over it"? It's the biggest red flag here. I'm just speaking from experience though. He was a really sweet guy too and was just such a dick After mc. Most likely in scarred from his behavior and I'd never ever want another woman to suffer without the support of really the only person who understands and feels the same grief over the loss of their own child. I'm wary to give him the benefit of the doubt is all.

I'm on iPhone and it's 4:36 am here, sorry posts are difficult to read! Waiting on DS to go to sleep :/

I'm on iPhone and it's 4:36 am here, sorry posts are difficult to read! Waiting on DS to go to sleep :/

Quoting Lady [BFP!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Stu Padasso:</b>" Most men find it difficult to voice their ... [snip!] ... understands and feels the same grief over the loss of their own child. I'm wary to give him the benefit of the doubt is all."

Your experience and her experience are not the same. Also, if he was sweet before the miscarriage and a "dick" after, then it sounds like your miscarriage probably had a huge impact on him as well.
Like I said, men don't know how to voice emotion as well as women do. It could be extremely difficult for this woman's SO to deal with the miscarriage every day as well and I'm sure it hurts even worse to see the woman he loves as an emotional wreck.
There's no right or wrong way to act in this situation because it will have a different affect on everyone involved. They should both go seek some counseling, maybe he would feel more comfortable talking to someone else because the pressure to keep it together for her is off.