re: Failed Kingarden

Quoting 22 DAYS!!!:“ [.IMO...parents do have weaknesses..we are not perfect....and her not being able to help out her son academically happens to be hers.] ... l

Are you serious??? Please take a deep breath and step back from the screen, because you are NOT going to like what I am about to say here, and you are going to need that space to avoid slapping your screen in outrage....

BUT... If your friend is capable of making a child and raising it for 5 years, she absolutely should be able to HELP HER CHILD ACADEMICALLY WHILE IN KINDERGARTEN! This is A B C, 1 2 3, Spell your name, read to me from the cat in the hat- stuff... We're not talking about high school advanced trig here...
I mean, she can obviously read what we write on the internet... I don't think she is incapable, nor to dumb to help her kid...
If I were her, I would feel pretty insulted that my buddy on gaga insinuated to a group of women that I was to stupid to help my own child through his kindergaten academics.

Quoting MommyMeri:“ Are you serious??? Please take a deep breath and step back from the screen, because you are NOT going ... [snip!] ... my buddy on gaga insinuated to a group of women that I was to stupid to help my own child through his kindergaten academics.”

I agree!!!! I have yet to encounter homework brought home by my son that I couldnt help him with. The most advanced thing he is learning is adding. And only up to 8!!!!

Also, the excuse that she didnt know he had to be able to spell his real name, that is a bunch of bull. Why would they only teach him how to spell his nickname and not his real name? When sissy goes to school, she wont be learning how to spell sissy, or Rae, she will be learning how to spell Marissa. Same way with my little bear (not that he will still be called bear when he is in school) he will have to learn to spell Miles, not his nickname. Its common sense. Even Matthew wouldnt get away with just spelling Matt (though I only call him Matthew, his daddy is Matt).

Quoting 22 DAYS!!!:“ i only blame part of it on theteacher for not telling her until march that he was failing...i just ... [snip!] ... listen to me, they just act differently when i am not around as most kids do... but i am not on here to argue with anyone...”

Your first sentance of this quote is bull.. Even if the teacher HAD waited until March to give her an update on her son it's still HER responsibility to ask the teacher questions about his progress.. She must not be telling you the truth about the situation because that is ludicrious! March!? The year is about over by then.. Any public school I've ever went to had @ least two progress reports over the year, not to mention PTA and Parent Teacher Conferences like some of the other ladies have mentioned.. When my son started KG I made it my business to talk to his teacher every week about how he was doing, asking for pointers @ home and other references.. books, art projects we could do, things that she see he enjoys in class.. It is unequivocally the PARENTS responsibility to keep tabs on their child's progress..

She's lucky this is just Kindergarten! @ least he has a chance to catch up @ this point.. However, it sounds like she's going to be needing some outside help and I hope she's able to find some.. She really needs to open up a better line of communication with her son's school and possibly see about drawing up an IEP and moving him into the special classes if necessary..

Quoting HauteMamaMary - Hail Me!:“ Your first sentance of this quote is bull.. Even if the teacher HAD waited until March to give her ... [snip!] ... with her son's school and possibly see about drawing up an IEP and moving him into the special classes if necessary..”

That reminded me of something I wanted to add. When my son started complaining that he was bored, did I sit by and do nothing??? No, I asked his teacher if he was complaining about boredom at school. I asked his teacher to give him more challenging work. Earlier in the year he got in trouble on the bus for kissing a girl (yes, my KINDERGARTENER kissed another girl!!!) Did I sit by and do nothing??? No I talked to, guess who, thats right, his teacher. I made sure she was aware of it so she could also have a talk with him and make sure he wasnt kissing on the playground. It is up to the parent to go to the teacher about any and all concerns about the child. You cannot expect the teacher to know if there are issues at home about schoolwork. If your child wont sit down and listen to you, GET ADVICE FROM THE TEACHER!!! Any good teacher wouldnt mind sitting down with a parent and help them with the childs education.

Quoting MommyMeri:“ Are you serious??? Please take a deep breath and step back from the screen, because you are NOT going ... [snip!] ... my buddy on gaga insinuated to a group of women that I was to stupid to help my own child through his kindergaten academics.”

I agree... I was reading(some), counting, knew my colors, my address my phone number and how to spell my name before I got to kindergarden..... Children are sponges at that age and will pick up anything! All I keep hearing are more excuses....

Quoting MommyMeri:“ Are you serious??? Please take a deep breath and step back from the screen, because you are NOT going ... [snip!] ... my buddy on gaga insinuated to a group of women that I was to stupid to help my own child through his kindergaten academics.”

i am not insinuating that she is too dumb to help him...just that it may be her weakness....maybe he needs taught in a different way..that is all....i am not sure what he knows at this point...like i said i am not there all the time, but when i am she does work with him onthose things....maybe he needs someone else helping him, like maybe grandma or something, idk...i understand where everyone is coming from, but maybe what she is trying just isn't working...if i knew that she wasn' t trying i would be all over her as well, but i do know that she is....

and as far as the teacher goes...she was telling christy that he was doing fine other than the behavioral issues, which the folder also said he was doing fine, she should have said that he was falling behind months ago.. and like i said christy talks to her every week...so there was no excuse not to tell her....but like i said i am not here to argue..all i can do is give christy support, and try to take in consideration everyones suggestions and try to help her.


maybe t.j. is bored..and he needs something else to get him to try harder...i know my son won' t sit for 5 minutes while i try to work with him..he says i know this mom and gets frustrated...which he does know his colors, his abc's, how to count to 100, his address, his phone number, his grandma's phone number, how to write his name, he can read a little, and he knows how to work the computer and find whatever he wants to look at, he even knows how to hook up electronics...
and they won't even let him start kindergarten yet, his b-day falls short of the deadline...i am afraid he is going to be bored as well...

*sighs*
All I can say is this is why I intend to honeschool or work a second job to put my kid in private school...
I don't want my daughter sitting next to kids like those... Not because its the kid's fault either... But I want my child surrounded by children whose parents hold the same values and expectations of their kid as I do.
I'm not saying that you or your friend aren't welcome to do as you please with your kids... Its a free country, and as long as you aren't being openly abusive, I support your choices in how you raise those kids.
But you have to understand where people like me (and many of these moms on gaga) are coming from... We don't understand what the gripe is about if the expectations in the home of that child are set so low.
For us, we want our kids to be the best that they can be... at whatever cost to ourselves... So when we see a scenario spelled out about a child who is not thriving as a result of the parent's issues... but that the parent is still upset that their kid is not being given a free pass.... Well... it makes us a little annoyed.

We wouldn't want our kid to be that kid... or really friends with that kid... if we could help it... Our values are very, very, very different when it comes to the academic world. And thats how it is, even if she is working with her child and is unsuccessful at her attempts or not....

Its like those kids who are allowed to not take a bath for a week, and go to school in shoes that are just a bit too tight... Those aren't really desirable traits to see in your kid's classmates... and its not the kid's fault... its their parents. And maybe that parent is too poor to afford new shoes, or maybe the water was cut off because the family couldn't make its bills this month.....
And that is the best analogy I can give you to explain what I mean. It doesn't matter what reasons she has for it... it looks unacceptable no matter how you slice it.
Because to us, we would find a way to make sure it wasn't our child.

Quoting MommyMeri:“ *sighs* All I can say is this is why I intend to honeschool or work a second job to put my kid in private ... [snip!] ... it... it looks unacceptable no matter how you slice it. Because to us, we would find a way to make sure it wasn't our child.”

i totally see where you are coming from...i am sure she wants that too...and i am sure she will do what she can so this will never happen again with t.j. or with her other one...i think she just wanted to avoid breaking his heart by telling him.

that is one reason i am having trouble figuring out where to send my son in the fall...i know that the things they are teaching in ips kindergarten my son already knows...i live in the ips district and unfortunately they want to send him to some stupid ghetto school where there is nothing but trouble..when there is a good ips school just a few blocks away...damn boundries..but if they make him go there, i am going to have to lie about my address, and use my grandmas, and send him to the township school..my son is very small and i know if i put him in the school they want, he will be picked on constantly.

My son gets bored with his homework, but I still MAKE him do it. Sounds to me like TJ's mom doesnt make him do it. I just tell my son that I understand that he is bored, but he has to do it anyway. Then, agterwards, I try teaching him more than what he knows. Ex: he knows his regular colors, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, etc. How about teaching him different colors? He knows how to count to 100, how about teaching him to count higher? Or in spanish? Teach him his colors in spanish. Buy books from wal-mart to teach him more. It is kist kinda ridiculous for a child to fail kindergarten. It is not that advanced.

Oh, and saying that maybe someone else should work with him at home? Nice cop out. Im sorry, but its not my mom's responsibility to help my son with his homework. Its mine. To suggest that she have someone else help him with his homework is just an excuse for her to not be part of her childs education. If she doesnt know how to work with him then SHE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW!!!! It is HER son and HER responsibility. Not grandma's.

I feel bad for her kids. I really do.

Quoting red_dragon_girl_69:“ My son gets bored with his homework, but I still MAKE him do it. Sounds to me like TJ's mom doesnt make ... [snip!] ... then SHE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW!!!! It is HER son and HER responsibility. Not grandma's. I feel bad for her kids. I really do.”

just to let you yes I do make my son do all of his home work every day he has home work and yes I do work with him all the and some times kids just work better with dif people and that just happens to be my son he works better with my mother so if that is what is takes then hell let it be. and there is alot of kids that fail K there first yr. You guys dont know me at all to be seating here saying shit like i dont help my kid yes i do all the time he does know all of his A,B,C's and he does know how to count to 100 it hurts for some one that dont even know me to say that its all my fault that my son failed I did work with him every day i have even tryed diff things to do with him. and lot you dont belive that ADDHD dont have alot to do with it but with my yes it does and no im am not just using that as a way out he kept getting in trouble all the time at school he couldn even sit in his seat to do his work then after i got him on his meds the first thing the teacher told me was that was the first time he was able to seat there and do all of his work so you guys tell me what the hell that means

Quoting red_dragon_girl_69:“ My son gets bored with his homework, but I still MAKE him do it. Sounds to me like TJ's mom doesnt make ... [snip!] ... then SHE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW!!!! It is HER son and HER responsibility. Not grandma's. I feel bad for her kids. I really do.”

i know that it is not grandma's responsibility..but it was just a suggestion that may help...i mean my mom loves to help my son, and he loves hanging out with her and doing those kinds of things with her..he does them at home too, but he loves doing it with my mom and my grandma...and they don't mind...anything that helps is worth a try...and i was just saying he is probably bored with it all, not just homework..

oh and i almost failed K...i switched schools and they were way more advanced then ips..where i had previously been going....but somehow i caught up in two weeks...i wasn't a dumb kid, the schools were just different...and my brother failed K...but he is a really smart 17 yr. old now..

i can't believe everyone is jumping down your throat for asking for simple advice about your son getting held back in kindergarden. i work as a sub teacher and the kids do SO much now. some kids just can't keep up and it has been proven that preschool does help and kids that didn't go to preschool are at a huge disadvantage over those that did. there is even a clear advantage of those that took two years of preschool over those that took just one. 
she might have been working with her son all of the time and it might not have been doing much good. if you noticed she said that her son was diagnosed with ADHD recently. one of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD is the child must have significant trouble in one area of life and usually for children this is the school. no matter how much someone works with some of these kids they can't retain the information b/c they just don't stop thinking about everything. the school should have tried to get him help sooner b/c that is one of their responsibilities. (i almost have all of my credits for a school counselor degree and i have been working in the schools for my internship so i know what is expected at the schools). not every school has the resources however. i happen to be lucky at the schools i work at that we get a ton of government money b/c of our 80% poverty level and so our kids seem to get help more.  i agree you should try to get your son on an IEP which might sound bad but you can always have him reevaluated later and get him taken off of it. all you really have to do is ask your school counselor and he or she should do everything needed.
i have seen some VERY involved parents with kids that just can't do the stuff. and this is the internet not everyone spells the right way and not everyone is great at spelling so i think that has nothing to do with anything.
op- you might want to try to talk to your school about moving him up, getting him on an IEP and maybe see about after school interventions. my schools offer these and the kids stay after school for an hour each day learning extra things and helping them to stay caught up. 
getting held back in kindergarden is easier they believe than later though b/c at this age the kids don't really understand why they are getting held back. just explain to him that he did such a good job in kindergarden they want him there again so he can learn double the stuff and he will already be ahead.

Quoting cassondrahumphrey:“ i can't believe everyone is jumping down your throat for asking for simple advice about your son getting ... [snip!] ... he did such a good job in kindergarden they want him there again so he can learn double the stuff and he will already be ahead.”

Thank you so much for understanding where I am coming from and that you do believe me when i say i did work with my son because i did and you dont undersntand who much that hurts for some one to say that i am not a good mother and i didn help him thank you so much for writing this and maybe help other people understand where i am coming from

The responsibility of diagnosing mental problems does not fall solely on the school. If my child was stuggling in school, or was constantly being mean to other kids I would take it upon myself to find out why. I would not wait until a teacher told me something might be wrong. It seems that parents want to blame everyone but themselves. A child fails kindergarten, its the schools fault. A child has adhd that wasnt diagnosed til it was too late to catch up, its the schools fault. How hard is it to talk to a doctor about your child's behavior problem? Or talk to a counseler? People need to start taking responsibility for their children. If my child was bullying or falling behind, I would not wait until a teacher sayd "oh, well, he might have adhd" I would talk to a counseler or the doctor about why my child is being mean to the other kids and/or falling behind.

Oh, and dont lie to the kid and tell him he did so good in kindergarten that they want him to stay there. Even a 5 yr old wont fall for that bull. Tell him the TRUTH. Tell him that he didnt learn as much as the other kids and he needs to repeat the grade so he can catch up. If you lie and say its because he did such a good job, when he realizes that it wanst because of that, how will be able to trust anything else you say?