re: Failed Kingarden

Quoting SMFantastic:“ Okay, now I haven't been watching this thread in a few days, and it's taken some time to catch up... ... [snip!] ... road- you get over it and move on. I hope you think about this before ignorantly coming on here and cursing out other users.”

you obviously did not read all of the comments...christy was in special education classes and had learning diasabilities....i know cause i went to school with her and had to see how people treated her..and no she does not talk that way...and for your information almost her entire family is slow or whatever u may call it...so for her to come out of that type of family and be the mother that she is..i am VERY PROUD of her...she may not be able to spell well but she is an excellent mother and i am so tired of people picking on her for this...it is like middle school all over again..and we ARE GROWN PEOPLE!!!...this is so childish..she asked for advice on her child not her spelling....and we have some really great ideas on how to help her son, so being childish is not helping the situation..

Quoting 18 DAYS!!!:“ you obviously did not read all of the comments...christy was in special education classes and had learning ... [snip!] ... her spelling....and we have some really great ideas on how to help her son, so being childish is not helping the situation..”

Apparently you did not read my post... because in it I said:

Obviously its too late to change what already happened, but now you have a brand new opportunity with him. Take the ideas from here, take ideas from his teacher or the school, you can look up ideas online..... but USE THEM. You need to put in the effort to help him or he will never get over this first hump. And that's exactly what you need to see this as. A bump in the road- you get over it and move on.

So again, I am in no way being childish. I am offering her advice. Advice that she CAME ON HERE and asked for. Like I said, what's been done (or not done), has been done, its in the past. The only thing she can do now is move on in the right direction.
And, btw, friend or not, I'm sure she is a big girl and can fend for herself. She doesn't need you to reply to every person who has given criticism.

Quoting SMFantastic:“ So again, I am in no way being childish. I am offering her advice. Advice that she CAME ON HERE and ... [snip!] ... I'm sure she is a big girl and can fend for herself. She doesn't need you to reply to every person who has given criticism.”

i did read it and u are right, it is a bump in the road and she is trying to get over it...so i did see that as good advice...i was talking about you jumping on her for her spelling..which she has heard over and over...not just from u.

your right she is a big girl...and can fend for herself but i have seen her go through this her entire child hood life...so it really makes me upset when she has to go through in her adult life....she is like my sister more than my friend ( i have known her and been friends with her since i was born) ..so i am sure if you had a sister or friend on here, you would do the same thing...

I dated a boy from a very poor, very lowly educated family, when I was in college.
His mother raised 2 sons alone in Eureka Missouri, by working in a dry cleaning factory, and when they were smaller she worked as a Go-Go dancer at a biker club.
She had a 7th grade education....

BUT- her children were held to higher standards. As a result of her very hard work (remember 2 sons and on roughly $15,000 a year... No exaggeration) her son not only made it through high school, but had multiple scholarships to college. He was honestly one of the brightest individuals I have ever met. He was so smart and so gifted... and it wasn't because it was a natural ability within his family dynamic. It was because he worked so hard for it, and his mother did too. His mother could barely read... She knew only basic elementry math.... but she knew that she had to be at every open house, every parent teacher confrence, and every single night, she asked her children to teach her what they leanred in school. Even when she was fall down tired.... I should also mention that she was very, very sick... she had Hep.C and her liver was failing.

If that mother could do it, and push her children to prosper- then I feel that any parent is capable.
When I first met her, I was shocked... I had no idea where my boyfriend had come from, I had assumed (as I met him in college) that he and I had relatively the same type of background. Upper middle class... College educated families... but what I saw was so far from that. She looked at me and pondered what I thought about her... and what I thought about her home... and I could SEE it on her face. And the only thing I could think was "WOW, this woman is a hero! What sacrifice and what love of her boys!" she was the most accomplished woman I have ever had the pleasure of shaking hands with. I am still humbled by the thought of what she did for her family....
Even though the relationship didn't work out- I was with that boyfriend for almost 2 years... I saw his brother graduate from high school, and although he wasn't as driven as the eldest son, I saw his mother proudly stand up and applaud at the ceremony. And when she sat down, she said "He's no doctor or attorney, but I know that he can make a better living and a better life than what he was born into, and I am so proud of him!" And sure enough, both of her kids can provide for themselves. My ex is just about to take the bar exam to become an attorney, and his brother is one hell of a mechanic.

Its not about where you come from, how smart or dumb you are... Its about the goals you set and push to achieve. It makes me think of Forest Gump  

Quoting 18 DAYS!!!:“ i did read it and u are right, it is a bump in the road and she is trying to get over it...so i did ... [snip!] ... been friends with her since i was born) ..so i am sure if you had a sister or friend on here, you would do the same thing...”

I never said anything about her spelling- I commented on her use (or misuse) of the English language. I do not expect everyone to have an incredible education, but she should really take into consideration what other posters said about bettering herself with education. There are plenty of inexpensive alternatives, even things she can do from home.

And as far as your friendship goes, I believe there's a difference between sticking up for someone and speaking for them.

Quoting MommyMeri:“ I dated a boy from a very poor, very lowly educated family, when I was in college. His mother raised ... [snip!] ... come from, how smart or dumb you are... Its about the goals you set and push to achieve. It makes me think of Forest Gump  ”

u r right and she is really trying...this is one obstacle i am sure she will figure out a way to overcome...i told her about your ideas and she is gonna get on here and look at them for herself and try what she thinks may work.

i come from that same background..my mom dropped out of highschool when she was 16 cause she was preggo with me and had to go to work, then had my bro at 18, met my step-dad and had another baby at 20 and another at 24...she got her g.e.d...and worked all the time...she divorced her husband when i was 14 cause he had been raping me, but then she raised all four of us by herself, now i have went to college for a little while, but now is not the right time for me..but i did graduate high school ( i was only the 2nd one to do it in my family)...but my brother who is 22 is about to graduate from Ball-State in December with a double major..health and physical education..he is thinking about joining the Marines also so that he can study for another career...and my 21 year old brother is attending the same college, he is a junior, and he was going to be an elementary teacher but has since changed his major..(not sure to what) but he is doing great in college and is actually away at boot camp in GA for the guard and he is going on active duty..and my other brother is 17 and he is also christy's cousin, as is the 21 yr. old., ( yes my ex-step dad is her uncle)..but he also has adhd, failed K, and was considered slow..but he is doing great now...he is one case who def needs meds...he is on concerta...and can not be dealt with when he isn't on them...but he will be graduating high school in 2 years...my mom will not let him fall off track......but i know it can be done...just look how all my moms kids turned out.. and i am sure that christy will hold her kids to higher standards...she only has "learning disabilities"...she is not disabled in other areas...but again thanks for your advice...

Quoting SMFantastic:“ I never said anything about her spelling- I commented on her use (or misuse) of the English language. ... [snip!] ... And as far as your friendship goes, I believe there's a difference between sticking up for someone and speaking for them.”

you are right...she should take a class or some type of program..but as of right now..she can't...
i am not speaking for her..i am just saying what i know and what she says to me..we speak several times a day...

Quoting 18 DAYS!!!:“ you are right...she should take a class or some type of program..but as of right now..she can't... ... [snip!] ... can't... i am not speaking for her..i am just saying what i know and what she says to me..we speak several times a day...”

I don't know why you are saying she can't, but that sounds like a cop-out. It really doesn't matter to me either way what she does with her life, I am only offering advice.

Quoting SMFantastic:“ I don't know why you are saying she can't, but that sounds like a cop-out. It really doesn't matter to me either way what she does with her life, I am only offering advice.”

i know that is what u are doing..i guess can't is probably not the right word..now is not the time is what i should have said...

This topic is such a heated discussion right now. I think we all got away from her initial question about how to tell her son, and really focused on why that would have happened in the first place. I might have said some things that were probably inappropriate, mainly because I felt as though she seems like she doesn't want help or doesn't want to confess and take responsibility for this happening to her family. But throughout many pages, people telling their stories; I feel like we all have been through alot as women. I'm really intolerant when it comes to people making excuses for their actions. I have had a pretty bad childhood, but decided to rise above it and go to college, get a degree and better myself, for my family. I don't want my children going through what I did. So I can't stand excuses. But everyone is different. I also can't imagine seeing all these bad things written about me. I know, for myself, I wrote suggestions down thinking that she would want to hear them. Maybe she just needed encouragement and feels really down right now. I believe, if someone is feeling very sad, it's not going to make her determined, encouraged and pumped up to change if we pile more stuff upon her. Maybe, I could have gave her suggestions in a nicer way? Who knows? I just looked at the pics of her kids, and they are really who I'm worried about. She has beautiul boys amd they need a mother who is determined to do her best. If Christy wants help and suggestions on how to better family or encouragement, I'm here. I know alot of you wrote some good suggestions.

Quoting 18 DAYS!!!:“ u r right and she is really trying...this is one obstacle i am sure she will figure out a way to overcome...i ... [snip!] ... standards...she only has "learning disabilities"...she is not disabled in other areas...but again thanks for your advice...”

I hope that she does look at what I wrote... ALL of what I wrote, because there are other ideas a page back- and on those she called me a "fucking bitch" but in truth, I don't care what she calls me... I just hope that some how the information gets passed through the proper channels and gets both she and her child motivated to persue a new path. No one thing will ever work for everyone, and often game plans will have to be changed as the child grows and changes. Like I said, my family worked with me doing everything under the sun throughout my entire academic career- and that includes college. It got easier once I had some basics down of course- but the challenge to keep me focused on short term goals was still there. For me flash cards became my key to success- I made my own through middle, high and college classes... I cannot tell you how many packs of markers I have run through... but I learned that if I made it brite enough, varied enough and put them together in short spurts of time- then I could reatin the information- because I could just flip through them. I have shoeboxes full of everything from "science and technology 8th grd" to "Ancient Greek 1" in my closet... I saved every card because I was so scared I would throw away my passing grades... LoL.
But flash cards were the only thing that stayed constant in how I studied... Everything else was evolving.
When I got older I found that if I took a piece of playdough to my class (college of course) that i could keep my hands busy, and my ears open... otherwise I did things without realizing it that were a pain to my classmates- like digging through papers or clicking a pen, or twirling my hair...Even with medicine I was still a space cadet if I didn't trick myself into focusing. And that impulsive part of me is still there- and now as an adult who is pregnant and not on meds- i have had to learn how to NEVER make a quick decision because I make such poor judgements. I understand the frustration that her child feels... I still feel that way... and the danger of that type of frustration is a constant feeling of failure- which is why so many ADD kids are also clinically depressed. So seeing her child motivated academically will have a greater reaching impact than just his grades- it will likely save him from serious mental breakdowns. My ADD left me not only depressed but with a serious anxiety disorder... I know that for a lot of kids that social inadequacy is fostered by the frustration in not knowing how to start doing something. I remember trying to figure out the dynamics of my classmates recess time... Not understanding how to play with them was HORRIBLE- and it was because I had the attention span of a small rodent- and they didn't know what to do with me either... So while i would shy away and become quiet and when provoked strike out against the kids verbally and on 2 or 3 occasions in my lifetime- physically (to which I was GREATLY punished... and NEEDED to be...) it wasn't because I was a bad or a mean or a stupid child. It was because I was frustrated and lacked reasoning skills that determined for me the impact of my impulsive behavior. And when it was over and I was asked "Meredith, WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" I really would have no idea why I did something or didn't do something.
These academic lessons that he is learning in kindergarten are teaching him how to be a part of society. How to function and rationalize like most people's instincts tell them to. Its a LEARNED behavior for an ADD child- its not instinctual. And it has to be reinforced 24/7 wherever he is at, because if she thinks its hard now... wait until he's bigger and smarter and older... its much harder to start a program then... and those children are the ones labled "bad" and "stupid" and "aggressive"
and those titles will hold him back everywhere in life.

Quoting bobbicleaver:“ This topic is such a heated discussion right now. I think we all got away from her initial question about ... [snip!] ... wants help and suggestions on how to better family or encouragement, I'm here. I know alot of you wrote some good suggestions.”

thank you that is the point i was trying to get across...i just am not that good with the words..

Quoting MommyMeri:“ Okay- the folder thing is great! maybe breaking it up into smaller time slots might help... like working ... [snip!] ... engaging. Trying to make real life more like sesame street is a challenge, but it can be fun for a parent as well I think  ”

Well I am sorry for calling you a Bitch. well here is some of things i have been doing to help work with him well for one last nite he had math home work to do so i was using pennies to help him count. and i have made up flash cards with the words on them to help him remeber them and for the colors i drawed a circle and colored the circle diff colors and took another flash card and wrote the word of the color on it and had him match them up.

And for the rest of you instead of seating here writing about how bad of a mother iam like some of the other mothers have been doing give some adivce to help him out. i have been doing every thing the teacher has said for me to do to help him out. and people please look up what ADDHD does to childern because yes it does mess with them alot in school i am not blaming all of that on that but but i do believe it does play a big row in it.

Quoting MommyMeri:“ I hope that she does look at what I wrote... ALL of what I wrote, because there are other ideas a page ... [snip!] ... those children are the ones labled "bad" and "stupid" and "aggressive" and those titles will hold him back everywhere in life.”

i know what u mean...my brother, i can tell, is depressed also.. i am glad you had that type of support around you..
i actually just talked to her and her mom went off and bought those shoes..i guess he knows all the words now..but her mom did it b4 he learned them and she isn't too happy with her mom for it...so yea it does have to be reinforced everywhere..so it doesn't help when her parents go behind her back and do things anyways...i know i would be pissed off..

Quoting MommyMeri:“ I hope that she does look at what I wrote... ALL of what I wrote, because there are other ideas a page ... [snip!] ... those children are the ones labled "bad" and "stupid" and "aggressive" and those titles will hold him back everywhere in life.”

My son is going threw the same thing like he always plays with his ears and when i do tell him to stop playing with them he says he cant i tell him to do something else so he cant