re: Once a cheater...

Well...my man seems to bea good man besides the cheating thing...and it is hard for me to imagine leaving him when he wants to be there for me and his children...why can't men just be happy with one girl? I know some can, but like Lilly, I haven't met any perfect ones!!!!!!!!! AND...even if I were to leave, if I ever started another relationship, I would ALWAYS have trust issues...I must be screwed for life.

Quoting Excited for #2!!:“ Well...my man seems to bea good man besides the cheating thing...and it is hard for me to imagine leaving ... [snip!] ... if I were to leave, if I ever started another relationship, I would ALWAYS have trust issues...I must be screwed for life.”

That's why I've decided to stop dating for a while. Until I guy convinces me that I can *first* trust him with my child and then with me, I'm not going to bother.

I really did have a tough time leaving Anthony. I did it a million times but I always took him back. We had tons of problems. He was always doing something wrong. Something unforgivable. But I pushed my sanity aside and stayed with him, and stayed miserable. I didn't think I could be without him. If someone suggested I leave him, I would completely spazz..."No..I can't do that..I love him..I can't be without him..you don't understand, YOU'RE the one who's crazy!" But really it was me that they were worried about, and I feel so retarded because it took me so long to get it through my head that he wasn't ever going to deserve me..and everyone else knew pretty much all along. Lots of HIS friends, to this day, still call me and say.."I'm glad you got away from him. He's always been that way...I'm sorry no one warned you from the beginning."

From what you've described, I don't think your situation is *that* bad, but still, infidelity is wrong. You should never have to put up with that. No one should.

I feel like I am going to be screwed up for life too! I truly believe that I am going to have trust issues after everything my ex put me through. But you need to do what's best for you and your children. I hurt everyday!! But I know I have to tread on, because I know it's for the best. It's hard, but it must be done!!

Quoting ~Danielle*Marie~:“ I feel like I am going to be screwed up for life too! I truly believe that I am going to have trust issues ... [snip!] ... children. I hurt everyday!! But I know I have to tread on, because I know it's for the best. It's hard, but it must be done!!”

Kudos. That's really smart, and you're right...it's hard as hell. But oh, really, the day you can say you don't love him anymore is a glorious one. I've only just begun to actually get over Anthony. After all the crap he put me through, you'd think I'd have done that a long time ago!

Quoting Lilly89:“ Kudos. That's really smart, and you're right...it's hard as hell. But oh, really, the day you can say ... [snip!] ... just begun to actually get over Anthony. After all the crap he put me through, you'd think I'd have done that a long time ago!”

You would think the same thing about me! I put up w/ more crap than I could ever imagine. Everyone told me to get the hell out, but no..i never left either. It should be the easiest thing in the world to hate him, not care, and not love him anymore...but i guess it just takes time.

Quoting ~Danielle*Marie~:“ You would think the same thing about me! I put up w/ more crap than I could ever imagine. Everyone told ... [snip!] ... It should be the easiest thing in the world to hate him, not care, and not love him anymore...but i guess it just takes time.”

Oh god. I promise I know how you feel. If you ever need to talk or vent or you think you're going to go back to him, feel free to send me a message. I've been there so many damn times and it's easy to take steps backwards if you're feeling vulnerable.

thanks, i know i won't go back to him, i've been free of him for quite some time now actually, so that is not a worry. it's just that he still calls when he feels like it, usually once a week or once every 2 weeks. I feel like he hurts me w/ something new everytime i talk to him. So i may need to vent to ya sometimes, but I will NEVER be going back to this man.

Ok then ladies...what are grounds to leave and to not love them anymore? Ya, I know it's different...but when is it enough? I mean, you didn't just "know," you were told and had to think it over and EVENTUALLY left...so when do you give up on someone who will be in your life forever anyway? I just don't get it.

Quoting ~Danielle*Marie~:“ thanks, i know i won't go back to him, i've been free of him for quite some time now actually, so that ... [snip!] ... me w/ something new everytime i talk to him. So i may need to vent to ya sometimes, but I will NEVER be going back to this man.”

Feel free.   I've recently become a gaga-addict..so I'm here a lot. lol

I still give kudos. I think it's bad ass that you're so head strong.

I'm a firm believer in the saying "First time shame on you, second time shame on me". I understand that you may love him, but does he love you back? If he loved you and his children so much he wouldn't be risking catching STD's. What if he gives you something you something you can't get rid of?

Quoting Excited for #2!!:“ Ok then ladies...what are grounds to leave and to not love them anymore? Ya, I know it's different...but ... [snip!] ... it over and EVENTUALLY left...so when do you give up on someone who will be in your life forever anyway? I just don't get it.”

For me, i officially left when i got pregnant, because i would stress all the time when we were together, and i knew it wasn't good. Plus he just really wasn't the type of person I wanted around my daughter. So even though I do still love and care about him, I felt like it wasn't really a choice in my case, so it was in a way sort of an easy decision for me. I admit i still kept going back to him for a couple months after that, but it just got to the point where i knew he was never going to change. If you know he is never going to change, then i would get out now, but if u truly believe that he can change, then stick it out, see what happens. But how many chances have you given him? Cause sooo many chances, and still no change is a pretty good sign that he won't hun.

Quoting Excited for #2!!:“ Ok then ladies...what are grounds to leave and to not love them anymore? Ya, I know it's different...but ... [snip!] ... it over and EVENTUALLY left...so when do you give up on someone who will be in your life forever anyway? I just don't get it.”

It's not as simple as staying friends with an ex boyfriend that didn't mean that much, and you guys will probably be sore at each other for a while, but look at it this way...

even though he's basically a permanent part of your life, he's not actually a permanent part of your life! Sure, he has to pick up the kids every now and then, but when break ups like this happen, there is usually some form of relief through all the hurt. I guess you can't really say that Anthony was my responsibility while we were together, but when we split up, every time (lol) I felt better knowing that caring for him wasn't something that I had to do anymore. It was a really nice feeling for a change.

Quoting ~Danielle*Marie~:“ For me, i officially left when i got pregnant, because i would stress all the time when we were together, ... [snip!] ... But how many chances have you given him? Cause sooo many chances, and still no change is a pretty good sign that he won't hun.”

How come I can't explain things that well? lol

Quoting Lilly89:“ How come I can't explain things that well? lol”

i think you are one of the most mature 18 yr olds i have ever talked to.you seem so wise beyond your age. when i wa 18 i def. did not think like you!!! good for u!!!

Okay, so...when I was pregnant the first time, he cheated on me with someone from his work, and I didn't find out until later, but it was twice with the same girl...then when my son was about 9 months, I found out he had cheated on me 2 more times with 2 more girls. All the times he says he was drunk, and now he has changed and hasn't done anything for about a year and a half...that I know of. BUT, everything at home is fine. He is a good dad and wants this new baby. He wants me around, maybe goes out once a month or once every 2 months, but on those nights...like tonight...I freak out and start shaking...like have panic attacks...because I don't know what he's doing. We have come close to breaking up when I found out those 2 times, but haven't. It may sound stupid...but part of me feels like this is his problem, like his addiction, and I am the only one who can save him...which is dumb...but I don't want to let all the rest go for his dumb mistakes. We have a great family, house, life, and I don't want to give that up just so he's free to slut around and be single. Ugh.