I'm scared it will hurt but I don't know if it's right....

I am 20. I have a small job and my bf is in legal trouble. He just got arrested for having to do with a homicide it doesn't look so positive. I stand by him but if he goes to prison I don't think we could raise child this way... I don't have enough money without him. I didn't do anything wrong though I don't want to suffer for it. If I had an abortion how bad would it be? How bad is an abortion? I don't want to feel so depressed ll my life. Advice?

I had an abortion at your age. The procedure itself if you go with a surgical abortion rather than the pill wasn't terrible. I was on painkillers and don't remember the procedure itself and the recovery was some cramping and bleeding but it was just a weekend. The emotional fallout can be tough, but sometimes the hard choice is the right one when we're not in the right place in our lives. I wish you the best.

<blockquote><b>Quoting WeenieMachine:</b>" I had an abortion at your age. The procedure itself if you go with a surgical abortion rather than the ... [snip!] ... be tough, but sometimes the hard choice is the right one when we're not in the right place in our lives. I wish you the best."</blockquote>



Perfect words!

Quoting Falisha Flegal:" What about finding an adoptive family for the baby? One that will pay your medical bills you would still ... [snip!] ... to any negativity regarding this post... I have a feeling there will be alot if the wrong bg user sees this good luck to you  "

don't I need him to agree? Also he doesn't want adoption or parenting... But he was willing to parent just not place... I am ok with it really though...

I think if you know for certain that he won't be there to help you and you can't do it on your own then it is a very smart decision. Sometimes the most difficult decisions are the right ones. Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

Quoting preggotrouble1:" don't I need him to agree? Also he doesn't want adoption or parenting... But he was willing to parent just not place... I am ok with it really though..."

I am not sure about the laws but I don't think he has to agree, you don't even have to put his name on the birth certificate if you don't want to

How far along are you? I found out you do legally need his permission to put the child up for adoption unless you prove that he is an unfit father and get his parental rights terminated and that if you chose to have the baby and keep it he would have to pay child support. I also read it was illegal to abort after 20 weeks here unless you had a medical reason but I'm not sure where you are and what your laws are that's why I asked how far along you were.

Quoting Falisha Flegal:" I am not sure about the laws but I don't think he has to agree, you don't even have to put his name on the birth certificate if you don't want to "

we're still together actually

Quoting preggotrouble1:" we're still together actually"

Hmm, I'm honestly not sure what you could do then... I'm sorry

Yes, he would have to agree to the adoption. OP I am not in your situation nor have I ever been. That being said if I were, I would abort. There are places to get counseling both before and after.

I also had an abortion at your age. I had many different reasons, that to this day I believe were good reasons. I don't regret it, which may sound cold...but I seriously doubt I would have been able to do the right thing for that child...now 8 years later...I'm still nervous about having this baby...but I know in my heart I want him, and my Husband and I will be able to provide him the proper care and love, that's the difference for me.

Mine was a surgical abortion also, I'm not trying to scare you...and it may just be the clinic I went to...but mine did hurt. Good thing is, it doesn't last, and it's not a long procedure...and I felt almost normal the next day. You can't let whether or not it hurts be a factor in your decision...because you know what, having a baby hurts too.

The one thing I can tell you , is MAKE SURE this is what you want. Don't do it for him, or for anyone else. Make sure it's for you , and you know it's the right thing. You kinda have to listen to your gut feeling on this type of thing...if something tells you it's not right, or you reeeallly feel bad about it, you might want to start considering other options. There are plenty of resources out there designed to help young mothers, and there is always adoption. As far as him having to agree to the adoption - You would have to look into it. I have a feeling the rules may be different for a partner that's in Jail, or major legal trouble...especially for something involving a homicide.

Best wishes with whatever it is you decide to do...life can be very hard sometimes, but if you stick to your convictions, you come out a stronger person in the end.

Quoting Falisha Flegal:" How far along are you? I found out you do legally need his permission to put the child up for adoption ... [snip!] ... you had a medical reason but I'm not sure where you are and what your laws are that's why I asked how far along you were."

Actually,in most US states, the latest they will abort is 13 weeks.

Quoting !!Katie!!:" Actually,in most US states, the latest they will abort is 13 weeks."

Since when? I'm pretty sure most places it's still legal until 24 weeks, though it may be hard to find an actual clinic that is comfortable doing it.