re: What to do when the love is gone.

OH I remember this from yesterday! you know, in all honesty, if he used teh whole "im older than you and your being dumb" act then leave! my fiances cousin just left her babys dad cuz he is about 15 years older than her-ish and he was ALWAYS saying "you dont know what youre talking about, im older than you". SHe is a GREAT mother and he is a douche. There was no passion and he was obsessed with their daughter and telling her all the things she was doing wrong.

in all honesty i thnk you should sit down and write down all the good and bad in your relationship and see what side has more. If he writes you off as being dumb and naive cuz of ur age it will only get worse after the baby gets here

Quoting Lil'l LJ:“ tough question.....was it bad prior to pregnancy and you feel that this was just a temporary band-aid ... [snip!] ... gone.....making me crazy..... PSOur sex life is like so non existent right now I say FIGHT it is what you want...”

I do I want to fight it out so much. I dont believe in my heart I could ever let him go, or be okay with us not together. Its just become so hard to talk to him about anything because when we do fight he chooses not to talk. I wish I could sit him down and tell him how I feel, but he makes me feel stupid, and stupid for even bringing anything up just by his replys. So when we do try its about a 3 sentence conversation and I just cant even go on anymore and hes already elevating his voice yelling and getting pissed its just easier to let it go. But for me I need to sit there and talk it out, untill everything is okay. He doesnt understand that he is no longer my save house. I dont feel I can confide in him with anything anymore. I want to stay and fight it out but I need him to know I DONT HAVE TO, and any sane woman would choose to leave, just from the emotional drag of having to love him , and except him for him. This morning he started up with a " keep treating me like this and .. im not even going to say it" I know hes thinking about leaving me, but I just cant let that happen. I would feel so cheated if he left me, I have been so good to him its just he is completely diffrent then anyone I have come into contact with in my life. I have done everything diffrent in this relationship ex. like staying quit when I should speak up * just to calm him down* .. He makes me feel so small and I think if I was to let him leave me I would feel damaged. Like I didnt do enough and it was my fault and always have a void. Maybe I should just let him leave me.. This is so my last resort I cant even figure out my own life.

Quoting annaber:“ OH I remember this from yesterday! you know, in all honesty, if he used teh whole "im older than you ... [snip!] ... is a douche. There was no passion and he was obsessed with their daughter and telling her all the things she was doing wrong.”

Well he hasnt actually said " your young your dumb" but he does twist and turn my words and his also to make me feel small, and stupid. About the parenting thing I think hes way more freaked out then I am, although I hope he doesnt try to correct me and such things like that he just might. Its sad actually because I would never ever want to make him feel uncomfortable about anything with being a daddy.

Quoting .:Melissa:.:“ I'm kinda in the same situation right now... I don't know what to do either so i'd like to see these answers :-P”

So if you dont mind me asking, whats going on with you? It would be so refreshing to stop talking about myself and here from someone else whos in the same situation... 

Wow, are we sailing in the same boat....you just described my arguments, my love for him, my insecurities....everything...I love my guy so much and we have been together for two years, and I know I should be more verbal...but I feel that he would walk so easily and I don't want him to....we disagree over alot of issues and what we both find important are night and day....he can shut me out in two seconds and he can put up walls that I can not climb......I say it is like Jekyll and Hyde, because when he is nice he is so nice and when he is a prick he is such a prick....I can't tell you how many times he said he was going to leave, and he has never, and I know for a fact that if I said I was going he would lose his shit but he would let me go...sounds like your guy has a lot of pride like mine...your not going to see him cry and you could be laying there sobbing at his feet and he would still not bend to your will.....so here are some things I have come to realize....
1. Definately wait to make an life altering decisions til after you have your baby
2. Realize when you are lookingto starta problem or know that next idiotic pregnant thought that has come into your head is going to set him off.
3. My straw is cheating, if you cheat see ya.....deal breaker, unrepairable, I can deal with a lot of shit but not that.
4. Your are not weak, relationships are messy, and for everything shitty reaction my honey gave me, I too have done something too. If he is just being a dick to be a dick then you knowwhat to do. but if he is just reacting to you....well then no one is perfect.

Im actually going through the same thing..and it sucks..I say keep fighting..thats what im doing..because I really love this guy..Were supposed to have a talk and get everything on the table..so I hope it goes well if it doesnt I know that I tried my best and its his loss

Quoting *!*AntsMommy*!*:“ Im actually going through the same thing..and it sucks..I say keep fighting..thats what im doing..because ... [snip!] ... have a talk and get everything on the table..so I hope it goes well if it doesnt I know that I tried my best and its his loss”

So I thought long and hard about it and im going to fight it out atleast untill my son arrives. And I guess we'll see what happens after that. He did say this morning he was going to leave me and hasnt called me all day. Maybe Im not going to "fight" im just going to stay, and if he wants to leave me I should just let it happen. I truly love this man to his core, everything about him, but I realize he has shut me out so much that I am just a diffrent person now. He doesnt even know my core, and I dont think he could ever imagine how much I truly do love him. I have held back so much of me, he doesnt even know who I am, and I just realized it now. Im just looking back trying to figure out when I stoped being me, and started being the tough non emotional non passionate girl I once was.

Quoting Baby♥Love:“ So I thought long and hard about it and im going to fight it out atleast untill my son arrives. And ... [snip!] ... back trying to figure out when I stoped being me, and started being the tough non emotional non passionate girl I once was.”

the best way to do it is go day by day. My fiance and i had a few really bad patches and now we take it day by day and its been wonderful!

im in the same situation as you are. we had an extreamly strong realtionship. we spend everysecond we could togeather. everything was perfect. till about two weeks ago. (im 20 weeks pregnant and just really starting to show so i think its hitting him now) my pregnancy wasnt planned. two weeks ago i found myself falling asleep at night alone. (he was out with his friends or working on trucks or something) and when i told him that i wanted to spend time with him he just got upset and started yelling. i didnt understand it at first. but i think i know whats going on now. hes freaking out! and hes doing everything now that he wouldnt be able to do when the baby is here. (drink, hang with buddies. ect) so im giving him his space. so im going to keep fighting, even if im the only one doing it. because i know its true love.. and thats all that matters in the end.

Quoting Baby♥Love:“ I do I want to fight it out so much. I dont believe in my heart I could ever let him go, or be okay ... [snip!] ... and always have a void. Maybe I should just let him leave me.. This is so my last resort I cant even figure out my own life.”

Sounds exactly like something I would write. I always try to talk to my bf, but he just thinks if we fight we shold go to sleep and forget about it by the time we wake up the next morning and all that does is pisses me off more. And finally once he said we can talk and he seriously said one sentence and was DONE talking......It seems like are fighting is never ending everytime I just drop everything and am "happy" we start arguing the next day. Usually it's because he pisses me off and he says he just does it because Im always crabby. Well Im crabby cuz he's always an a$$. The beginning was great it all just seemed to change towards the end of my pregnancy.

So I just sent him a text saying this is getting ridiculous im sick of fighting we seriously need to sit down and talk tonight or we just need to end everything. I've even tried writing him a note thinking then he would talk he read it and said nothing but I love you....If we can't sit and talk about things I don't think it's possible for our relationship to work. And it is hard because I do love him so much and he is the first man I have ever loved which makes it harder.....

Quoting Baby♥Love:“ So I thought long and hard about it and im going to fight it out atleast untill my son arrives. And ... [snip!] ... back trying to figure out when I stoped being me, and started being the tough non emotional non passionate girl I once was.”

I got to that point to but I told him to leave a couple days ago and he said he loves me and will not leave until my son is 18.Which I know I can leave him and i told him that....it just pisses me off that he says that, but then acts like an ass all the time and blames it one me.

Quoting brianamarie21:“ Sounds exactly like something I would write. I always try to talk to my bf, but he just thinks if we ... [snip!] ... to work. And it is hard because I do love him so much and he is the first man I have ever loved which makes it harder.....”

I tried the same thing last night, I called him * I so wish I had text he used to actually kinda talk that way* and he just kept saying why do you do this to me before bed, blahh, but he wasnt sleeping I called him 20 minutes prior to that and he was playing poker on the computer so that just pisssed me off so much. And when I said we have no passion he said what, you think kissing is passion UGHHH yes you ass it is. And he said not to me, and then starts yelling and says see what you did im yelling and angry now * mind you we have only been on the phone for 10 minutes* and he kept hanging up. So I kept calling back like the ass I am and I said I swear if you do this to me again were over, and he said then lets just end it. And I didnt know what to say, so I hung up. Finally I just called him back and said fine if this is what you want and hung up, he never called back. So this morning * im sleeping on my couch cause my bedroom is being redone* he calls to tell me he is working today when he promised he would come by and help my dad out so I can be back in my room this week. Wakes me up for that, to let me down never seems to fail. I just hung up, he called back and I kinda made fun of him and said " why are you doing this to me im tryin to sleep" It was 8am and I was sleeping. He thinks its okay for him to call and wake me up with bullshit, but I cant call him before he goes to bed with my bs. Its just not fair. He did say that he loves me, and is never going to leave me and wants to be by myside forever, but words mean nothing to me anymore. I appreciate it, but he needs to show me how he feels, because rarely does he say it and mean it, or prove it ya know..

And about the he wont leave you.. My guy does that all the time, I know I can leave him but I think he just believes that I couldnt make it alone, so he can treat me the way he does. I could make it alone just fine, but I do want him here so he takes advantage.. Sorrry your going through the same thing it sucks.

Quoting Baby♥Love:“ I tried the same thing last night, I called him * I so wish I had text he used to actually kinda talk ... [snip!] ... make it alone just fine, but I do want him here so he takes advantage.. Sorrry your going through the same thing it sucks.”

Another fight today.....I told him Im done. I took his phone since it's in my name and wouldn't give it to him. He got mad for once and I was like shit yoru mad how does that make you feel. You make me mad all the time. And like you said he thinks it wont happen because I can't handle everything on my own. Which in a way I can't because I am not working right now because we don't have daycare. He is working and pays all the bills so it's much harder. But Im so sick of fighting and him not caring and then a couple hours later act like nothing is wrong. I need to figure out something because I have no one to help pay bills or anything and if I do get a job then I need daycare which is expensive. And the car is in his name so I woudlnt' even have a car to drive. I just wish I would have never gotten myself in this situation some times. I do love my son so much and wouldn't ever give him up I just wish he had a different dad or I wish I could win the lottery or something so I could leave and be fine on my own.

Quoting Baby♥Love:“ I do I want to fight it out so much. I dont believe in my heart I could ever let him go, or be okay ... [snip!] ... and always have a void. Maybe I should just let him leave me.. This is so my last resort I cant even figure out my own life.”

If he's making you feel like you can't speak up or that you need to "not upset him", something's wrong. If you love him, and he is not emotionally or physically abusing you, I'd say stay and fight for your love. However, from what you're saying it sounds like he's maybe emotionally abusing you by making you feel like you can't speak up or whatever? I don't care how "different" someone is, if you can't talk about stuff it's never going to work. Well, it may work but then you will be bitterly together for 25 years for the wrong reasons and that will be your child's roll model for relationships...

Also, just so you know, I'm not trying to be preachy. My pregnancy has been really hard on me and my husband. We fight a LOT, have not had sex since we conceived....but we still love each other and despite our arguments had a solid foundation (pre-pregnancy) that we can always rely on. You have to figure out if you have that or not, or if it's totally one-sided. I'm really sorry you are going through this though...good luck and I'll think good thoughts for you!!!