Expecting too much? *vent*

Lately some things about SO have been bugging me even more than more. I'm not sure if I am expecting too much from him or if it's just my crazy hormones. When I was pregnant I work 35-40 hours a week and went to school up until about 36 weeks. For the most part SO didn't do much around the house, but every so often he would go through and clean everything aside from LO's room, the dishes and fold/put away laundry. Sometimes he would play with LO after work, but aside from that everything else is completely up to me, which I am 100% ok with.When I stopped working though SO stopped doing even the little he did do, which I was pretty much ok with considering I was home all the time. But he stopped even picking up after himself. Examples, I put a laundry basket at the end of our dresser for him to put his dirty work clothes in to be washed so that I didn't have to bend down to pick them up, instead he would throw them on the floor around the laundry basket. When he showered, he would leave everything out and his dirty clothes/towel on the floor. He would leave dishes/garbage on his side table in the bedroom. Since I had DD last thursday, he has worked three days. The first two days we were home, he was pretty good about helping, but now it has gone to smurf again. He is back to doing nothing, and it is bothering me even more now. I think it is because DD is here and I was hoping/expecting a little bit of help with the house and DS. But it is like he refuses to do anything. He hasn't changed DD's diaper or clothes even one time, or gotten up with her at all. And yesterday when he didn't work, he decided he was going to just take a 4 hour long nap instead of helping me out around the house or with the kids. For the most part, it has bugged me, but not to the huge extent it is now. I feel like I am starting to resent him a little and I don't want that to happen. I've told him how I feel and he says he is just exhausted and because he works he doesn't have to do anything else. I know he works hard for us, but I don't think it is too much to ask of him to just pick up after himself.

Did any of you mama's feel this way? What'd you do to change it or make yourself feel better? I'm worried I am just expecting wayy too much and that my crazy hormones are making everything just more exaggerated.

You are a homemaker, not a maid.

While I believe you should contribute to helping him in certain ways (make lunches, laundry, etc) you should NOT feel obligated if there is no mutual respect.

throwing clothes around the laundry basket is disrespectful and lazy, and he should be told that.

Don't let it eat you up, sit down and explain to him that you have a home to run and a child to take care of, and that you DO need him to be more mindful of that. He's not a kid, pick up your clothes! lol

smurf that. don't wash his clothes or dishes. let them pile up.

Quoting Blaiden's Mama ♥:" Lately some things about SO have been bugging me even more than more. I'm not sure if I am expecting ... [snip!] ... better? I'm worried I am just expecting wayy too much and that my crazy hormones are making everything just more exaggerated."

You are not expecting to much AT ALL he needs to help and its crazy what your putting up with IMO. My SO works 13-14hours a day 6days a week right now to build a savings for LO (who we will be having Monday) He is also mindful that I am 39weeks pregnant and when he gets home whatever little house stuff I didnt Finnish he will help with, and still spend as much time as he can with our DS . He sounds like a lazy ass!! Not simply putting his work things in a basket but all around it?? IMO when your a parent your work day NEVER ends it doesn't matter how many hours you put in, their is still more when you get home....ugh....stand up for yourself! Good luck!!

my bf has never once gotten up with our daughter at night. He is a super heavy sleeper though and doesnt hear her cry and sometimes he falls asleep while on the computer or on sitting up on the couch watching something...so I would kind of be afraid to have him get up with her and then fall asleep holding her and drop her or something. I might be a little too paranoid but better safe than sorry in my eyes. But anyway he gets to sleep 8+ hours and then sometimes comes home from work and takes a nap...when i've been looking forward to either taking a nap or a shower...it really pisses me off. he hardly changes diapers either...he does help out and do some stuff though. I just don't expect anything.....and i have started to resent him too.

Amen sister! i feel the same way my DH helps alot around the house. He does most of the cooking since he gets home before i do. He is a messy cook but im cool with cleaning up after supper. When i was on bed rest he did all the laundry, broke the dryer but did the laundry. However the constant picking up i do after him is shamful... its like he dont know where the trash can is... and just think to myself my boys will not grow up to do this... i dont know what to tell you I tried talking to him about it and it helps for a little while, then back to picking up dirty socks off the kitchen table, wet towel left on my side of the bed, and coke cans and cereal bowls off the nightstand!! it really irritates me but i try to be thankful for the good things he does do and try not to blow up on the little things.

I have the same issues with my SO, I realize he works hard to provide for us so I can stay home and watch our daughter. I am pregnant again with our second (my third) and I try not to ask much of him past picking up after himself. He can't even seem to do that. If I cook I STILL clean up the mess, if he cooks I clean. Noticing a pattern lol. Right now he's at the bar having a beer with his buddies from work, which I might add I'm not mad about, but it peeves me a bit. I have NO friends around here and I am home ALL day EVERY day with our daughter. I don't GET that luxury. I try and be fair as he does work anywhere from 6-7 days a week, 12 hours a day, but there comes a point where enough is enough. I am his SO NOT his mother or maid!

Quoting MamaJes100712:" I have the same issues with my SO, I realize he works hard to provide for us so I can stay home and watch ... [snip!] ... from 6-7 days a week, 12 hours a day, but there comes a point where enough is enough. I am his SO NOT his mother or maid!"

That's sort of where I am at. I am so grateful that he works as hard as he does for us, and I guess that's why I was worried I might be expecting too much or that I am just hormonal. SO does cook, more so than I do because he really enjoys cooking plus he is a better cook than I am haha, but it's the same thing... if he cooks I clean, if I cook I clean.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MamaJes100712:</b>" I have the same issues with my SO, I realize he works hard to provide for us so I can stay home and watch ... [snip!] ... from 6-7 days a week, 12 hours a day, but there comes a point where enough is enough. I am his SO NOT his mother or maid!"</blockquote>

He should be cleaning up after himself. However I personally wouldn't expect much more...he is working a massive amount of hours.

Having friends isn't a luxury its a choice. Even if you have little free time honestly its up to you to put yourself out there to make friends.

Quoting Blaiden & Layla's Mama!:" That's sort of where I am at. I am so grateful that he works as hard as he does for us, and I guess ... [snip!] ... enjoys cooking plus he is a better cook than I am haha, but it's the same thing... if he cooks I clean, if I cook I clean. "

It annoys me to no end, we have a dishwasher for crying out loud and he can't even put his dishes in it! Like it's going to take ALL night to rinse your dish and put it in the dishwasher... Picking up after himself is ALL I ask from him!

Quoting Turd Ferguson:" <blockquote><b>Quoting MamaJes100712:</b>" I have the same issues with my SO, I realize ... [snip!] ... a luxury its a choice. Even if you have little free time honestly its up to you to put yourself out there to make friends."

I wish it were that simple to have friends for me but it's not. We don't have a vehicle right now, he uses the only spare one that my mom's husband has, which leaves NO car around here and we live in the middle of nowhere! To me it's a luxury lol. When the car is fixed it will be a different story and I realize when we came up here I wouldn't know anyone, but I wasn't expecting our car to give out a month after we got here >.<