Dual Military Families Selfish? D&D

One of my good friends was very upset yesterday after reading an article attacking dual military families (families where both parents are in the military) saying that the parents are selfish to have both joined, knowing there is a possibility that they may both be deployed, leaving their children behind.

She and her husband are both in the army, and have orders to both deploy for a year when their son is 6 months old.

What are your thoughts?

IMPO, I don't think it's a wise decision.. but whatever you gotta do.

If my SO joined then I would join vice versus. That my partner.

No. That's like saying families with 2 working parents are selfish. Doing whatever it takes to provide for your family is not selfish.

I think it is anything BUT selfish. What those mothers and fathers are doing for their country AND their children is amazing. It is in no way selfish. Sure, the children will miss their parents and the parents will miss their children but in the long run, they are providing a better future for their children.

I think as long as they have someone ready and willing to watch the child while they deploy then it is fine.

No, I dont think its selfish at all. Are families where both parents work outside the home selfish? No.

No. If that is selfish the wouldn't a family where parents put their life OB the line everyday be selfish???

Oh, it's selfish. Super selfish.

Haven't you heard? Unless you stare at your child without blinking, peeing, or eating, you're selfishly using your time.

Working outside the home (regardless of where)?! Why bother even having kids  ?*

*This last sentence is an actual sentence written to me by a member around a year ago, during a SAHM debate.

Eh, that article should've put more time into attacking parents who aren't involved at all, not those who are risking everything (relationships and even their lives) to support their family and country.

I don't see any reason to admonish dual military families. I feel like I can offer a bit of valid input because my mom was in the Army (but worked mostly for the CIA) and my stepdad was in the Navy. They were gone quite a lot (especially my mom... she never deployed a single time but frequently took trips that were a month or more and would end up in places where I couldn't talk to her for weeks at a time) and while it bothered me as a child, I look back on it and feel proud of what both of them did for our families. They certainly weren't being selfish. Hell, in my stepfather's case he commissioned right out of college and the family came after the fact. What would the author of this article expect him to do in this case, just up and drop out of his career after meeting another military personnel he wanted to marry? Not happening.

Not a day goes by that I don't worry about how my son will handle his father being gone for extended periods but I have no doubt he'll be proud of his dad and will eventually look back on his childhood and know his father did everything with him in mind. If I were also in the military I would worry about this even more for obvious reasons but I would know that the chances of us being gone for extended periods at the same time are slim. It's not very frequent that you hear of couples like the one mentioned in this article. The military is VERY family oriented and will do what it can to keep one parent at home. If this isn't possible they'll try to make it so both parents can be home as soon as possible.

Now if there is no one for the child(ren) to stay with then I can see why this might bother some people. I certainly wouldn't call the parents selfish though. If there are other family members who are willing to take on a child for several months then I really don't see the huge deal. If there's absolutely no one then I would wonder why the second parent decided to join to begin with (unless they were in before having children, of course). If there's a military couple that has children despite knowing they'll be deployed then yeah, that's kind of smurffy planning (or lack thereof) but they certainly aren't bad people for it. You do what you can with the cards you're dealt and if you're providing for your family then smurf what everyone else thinks =)

*I* wouldn't have done it, but they're trying to provide for their child. Especially if the parents are low ranking. The money is not good.

I guess it would depend on the kids ages and other things. Personally i would not do it. I think kids should atleast have one parent around. I understand that its ok for both parents to work outside the home..but military is completely different. I think its bad enough for kids to have 1 parent leaving them for 6 months or more at a time, maybe once year...let alone both parents.

Quoting Because we fell in Love:" One of my good friends was very upset yesterday after reading an article attacking dual military families ... [snip!] ... are both in the army, and have orders to both deploy for a year when their son is 6 months old. What are your thoughts?"

I wouldn't do it. But I'm not going to call others selfish for it.

Quoting Jays*Mama:" I guess it would depend on the kids ages and other things. Personally i would not do it. I think kids ... [snip!] ... its bad enough for kids to have 1 parent leaving them for 6 months or more at a time, maybe once year...let alone both parents."

Someone has to do it.

I'm sort of surprised they even let you do that. I think I saw on Teen Mom (yeah, not the best for information, but hey) that the recruiter wouldn't allow both parents to join active duty military. that was air force though, maybe that's different.

I don't think it's selfish, but I wouldn't do it. I don't think it's the same as having two parents who work outside of the house either. That's like saying a husband with a 9-5 job is the same as having a husband who is deployed. They aren't. I'd imagine it would be very difficult on a child to have BOTH parents deployed and gone, especially if they were very young. So for me and my kids, I'd find it an unwise choice, but not a selfish one.