Quoting Mrs.O♥:" This is hard for me to admit, but I'm a terrible social/closet smoker I'm so ashamed! No one except ... [snip!] ... picked up when I was younger, I quit for a year and picked it back up due to being so depressed from TTC- not an excuse I know."
Just from looking at your avi picture, you don't strike me as a smoker. I'm not judging! It sounds like smoking is a coping mechanism for stress from TTC. Especially if you say you do it at night, anxiety tends to run higher at night.
I'm proud of you for being smoke free! It's extremely hard to quit. I started smoking around 15, I quit a couple months before we started fertility treatments in 09'.
I hope you can quit for good! When my mom had her stroke last month they did a CT scan and found spots on her lungs, they said it could be lung cancer. She's doing another CT in December, if the spots grew or there's any changes they're doing a biopsy. Despite all that she just started smoking again..
I hope it doesn't sound like I'm lecturing you with the story about my mom but lately I've been warning everybody.