Something similar to this has been on my profile for a while but i thought i would elaborate and post a real story about my first baby. She would have been 5 this may, and i've just been thinking about her a lot lately, so here goes :
When i was 16 years old i found out that i was pregnant. i was really scared but i knew i wanted to have this baby. to love this baby and to do everything i could to keep this baby safe. I even told one of my friends that i wanted to keep the baby inside of me forever so that she would stay safe, and nothing bad would ever happen to her. Telling my mother i was pregnant was really hard, we had a long talk and cry together and when i told her i wanted to keep the baby she supported me 100% I delivered a 9 pound 5 ounce baby on may 23 at about 5;45 pm. and the five months following that were the best months of my entire life. it didnt matter that my on again off again boyfriend was cheating on me and basically being an all around jerk, because i had my baby, my little angel girl. she had the most beautiful blue eyes you have ever seen, and the biggest smile, i will never forget. She was the sweetest little girl i had ever met, anytime she needed something i could tell right away we were perfectly in tune with each other and i always knew how to comfort her. One day, on oct 22 2007 god called my beautiful red haired baby home to him. She died in the middle of the night due to SIDS, I had givin her all of my love, and i showed her happieness, i smiled when she laughed and i soothed her, and held her when she cried. I had the perfect baby, the most angelic baby, and god decided it was time for her to go home, and there was nothing i could do, I had to watch helpless as the paramedics took her from her bed and into the living room giving her shot after shot putting tubes in her mouth, pushing and pumping poking and prodding...I knew in my hear that she was already gone but i wanted to hold on to hope, as i watched unable to save my own child, i prayed to jesus, "Please stay close to my baby and keep her safe!" They told me she needed to go to the hospital, a helicopter landed in my g-ma's pasture and off she went, with them. My mom drove me right away to the hosp, and when we got there this woman started asking me all these questions, i tried to answer as best i could and i just wanted to scream "Where's my baby! is she ok!?" but i was afraid of the answer, she told me they worked on her for an hour before calling it, and asked me if i wanted to hold her one more time, my family was all around me and we all took turns saying goodbye to her, when everyone was done i asked to be alone with her, i sang her favorite lullaby to her, one more time. I told her i loved her and that i was sorry this happened i wish there was something i could have done! i felt so helpless! i feel like i could have stopped it somehow, if i had only known... No amount of tears i cried could bring her back. no matter how many what if's i went through or how many why's i screamed. my baby was with god. It breaks my heart everyday i have to spend without my beautiful baby, I wish i could have seen her first steps, i wish i could have held her when she skinned her knee, i wish i could have herd her say mamma, or seen her first day of school... her first heartbreak..i wish i could just hold her, and tell her I love her. God i miss you megan... i think of you every day baby girl. Mommy's coming home one day, I promise i will hold you in my arms once more. and then i will never let you go.
My angel
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