TTC with known risks

So as most people know, I have had 2 premature babies and am at very high risk for another preemie if I tried again. I was talking to my best friend about having more children and she has asked how I would handle people who would think my husband and I were selfish for trying again and potentially risking another baby. My husband and I don't think we'll have anymore, but this was not something I had considered before - that people would think it selfish or irresponsible of us to try again. What do you think? I see people with defects and disorders procreate all the time - is it wrong of them? What about women over the age of 35? Just curious to see what others think of this situation.

I do think it would be a bit selfish of us in our situation. I mean we've been lucky so far, but another baby could come earlier or not do as well as my first 2 have. It's seems like we would be taking a huge unnecessary risk. Especially when their are other options available to us.

just make sure you're prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. also, i dotn think it's "selfish" of you. and just take all the necessary precausions and keep in close touch with your dr. and keep a good tab on your body and all that. i think it's possible to have a full term babay, despite the premature babies in the past. good luck.

Quoting lolajessup:“ just make sure you're prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. also, i dotn think it's "selfish" ... [snip!] ... your body and all that. i think it's possible to have a full term babay, despite the premature babies in the past. good luck.”

I'm not talking about my situation necessarily, just women in general. I had ultrasounds every 2 weeks with this last pregnancy and took every precaution - there was no stopping him! (Although I do 'secretly' believe I can have a full term baby...) But thanks for the support!

Quoting Jessica [Slvrmoon]:“ So as most people know, I have had 2 premature babies and am at very high risk for another preemie if ... [snip!] ... 2 have. It's seems like we would be taking a huge unnecessary risk. Especially when their are other options available to us.”

I think it's selfish for just about anyone to have children, risks or not. What other reasons do we have, but "selfish," really? I don't think it's any more or less selfish for a high-risk mother to become pregnant. There are risks in everything, and ways to deal appropriately with those risks.

I ran into this problem too. I was judged for TTC (only by my idiot SIL, but it still really hurt) because of our previous losses. I had suffered a 2nd trimester loss where I had to deliver, one 1st trimester at 12 weeks, and one ectopic pregnancy. All for unknown reasons. I wanted a baby! I couldnt not try again, but my SIL thought that we were being selfish and that we shouldnt try again "since we already knew the outcome"! I cant figure out how people come to such conclusions.....Needless to say, we tried again, and now I have a beautiful little girl.
Trust me, I suffered deeply with each loss, so I didnt need anyone telling me that I was selfish. I know this is a little different situation, but I can relate.

Quoting Jessica [Slvrmoon]:“ I'm not talking about my situation necessarily, just women in general. I had ultrasounds every 2 weeks ... [snip!] ... - there was no stopping him! (Although I do 'secretly' believe I can have a full term baby...) But thanks for the support!”

oops   ok well, in that case,this can be for anyone in generalhaha  

Here is my thoughts and opinions. If the woman is in good health and over 35 then there shouldn't be a big deal over her having a child. I have seen 3 woman 40 years + during my premature sons 31day NICU stay that had full term babies bornwith problems. I think everyone is different though. I was told that I couldn't have another child and if I was able, to not conceive. Well 6 years later I am pregnant with #2. This pregnancy has been so much more easier overall then the first and I have more problems then 1st. I have been diabetic for 4 yrs and other things. Also my sons teacher just had a baby boy 39 weeks healthy as can be. Her first 2 children were 26 weeks and 28 weeks.

Having children is always selfish. Always. Selfish doesn't necessarily mean bad.

C.

In the grand scheme of things, I don't think anyone would debate whether having children is a selfish act or not. But it might be selfish - of the bad variety - to have children when you know there are risks present that could make the child's life more difficult than it needs to be.

When I kept having high blood pressure, I googled pre-ecclampsia. I came across a PE-support site. This woman on there had five children, all born when she was diagnosed with PE and she was pregnant with her 6th. She had all her babies names, current ages and bith weights advertised as her signature. As a visiting guest who was scared sh!tless about potentially having PE, I found it kind of selfish of her (I mean the bad selfish too).

I thought, 'why on Earth would she continue to put her babies through this when she knows every single child so far has been inflicted with prematurity!?'. If I remember correctly, no child made it past 30 weeks gestation.

When it comes to great medical risks as above mentioned or a woman closing in on 40, I think that a woman should reevaluate herself and ask "do I want to be pregnant?" or "do I want a child?".

Quoting Jessica [Slvrmoon]:“ In the grand scheme of things, I don't think anyone would debate whether having children is a selfish ... [snip!] ... - to have children when you know there are risks present that could make the child's life more difficult than it needs to be.”

I can see that. But seeing as every pregnacy includes risks, and there are different individual factors which play into every person's situation, I think it's unclear as to where the line is on when a woman is being"bad" selfish for having a child.

Quoting God:“ Having children is always selfish. Always. Selfish doesn't necessarily mean bad. C.”

Yeah what I was thinking..
Bringing any child into this world these days is pretty selfish!

ok my bf's ex has 4 kids. the first one had what they call ED somethign where they have no hair or teeth and they are very sick and he had to have like a feeding tube and stuff. she had the child with a guy who she knew had this disease also, and knowling knew that any child she had with him would automatically inherit it. so what does she do? has one more kid with him just to collect disability checks for both of them. then she gets with a new guy, and has one more child. i am not sure if this one is messed up or not. but now she just had one more child with him and it was premature and has a cleft pallet. now this is a selfish skank who should not be breeding. willingly havign children with diabilities for money is sick and wrong.

Quoting lolajessup:“ ok my bf's ex has 4 kids. the first one had what they call ED somethign where they have no hair or teeth ... [snip!] ... now this is a selfish skank who should not be breeding. willingly havign children with diabilities for money is sick and wrong.”

Perhaps she should take a cue from nature to not procreate anymore...her genes aren't right!

My friend Brian's mom was like that. Brian is the oldest - he's 29. He has 13 younger sisters and his mom is pregnant again. The last five kids have had birth defects - the youngest one has a cleft palate, webbed fingers and toes, and is severely retarded. She decided when Brian was 14 that she had too many kids, so she put him up for adoption. Then she started getting money from the government, and went back to having babies. That, I think, is selfish in a bad way.

I called Matthew my miracle baby for a long time, because I had two miscarriages before I conceived him - one at ten weeks, one at twelve weeks. He wasn't a planned baby, but I was terrified the whole time I was pregnant with him. I honestly hadn't planned on having another child, because I thought that it would be asking too much of the higher being(s) to bless me like that again. But, I'm pregnant again and thrilled beyond words. I'm in week 23 and super-excited about Jonah's expected arrival at the end of August. Selfish of me to have another child? Yes, but for good reasons.