re: I don't know what to do....long..sorry

Quoting Unsure..and scared:" the hardest part is he keeps telling me it's my choice..and so i feel like if i don't do it and we go ... [snip!] ... said any of that to me and it may be just me but i feel like thats what would happen..so i'm feeling conflicted either way"

Have you told him you feel that way? He might be understanding of your position. Tell him that if he's going to leave it up to you, that he forfeits any right to ever question the decision afterward.