It's true

I can admit that I have issues that i am probably mentally ill but i really do not want to get help. at all. I do not want to be on medication and i see no point in talking to some stranger who gets paid 200.00 an hour to be a nosy judgmental smurf (although they say they don't judge it's hard to believe).
I feel like i hate my kids, i hate my husband, i hate my life. from the outside that "friends" and "family" see everything is perfectly fine, and if they new it wasn't id be an outcast so quick.
I abuse myself, I'm abusive to wards my husband, my children, and my pets. I'm so angry and I take it out on other beings. I go threw times where i have nothing to do with anyone. i wont sit with my family for dinner, i hide out in the bedroom to eat alone where it's quiet. I clean up my home and then ditch the kids downstairs while I sleep all day. some days I feel super angry and smurf-ish i'll pinch my kid to make him cry, so that he will want to snuggle until he feels better because other wise those selfish pricks want nothing to do with me. just wants me to feed them, cloth them, and work my ass off for them. some times i take off for weeks...months at a time and rent a room in a house for 20.00 a night just so that im isolated
I scream, I yell until my throat hurts i cry im always so damn mad. im a fat ass because of what the kids did to my body. husband has me trapped here to be his house keeper and little sex bitch.
im honestly suicidal i have been since I was 12. im such as smurf and im tired of feeling this way. I dont choose to feel this way i just do and its not fair. I dont enjoy being angry or abusive towards the people i love i really dont.but i wish that someone cared about me enough to want to help. i ask for help from my husband all the time and all he asks is 'well what am i supposed to do'. i have no real friends and no family (ive been super abused and neglected while growing up so i have no one)
all i feel inside is anger and hurt. ive never been truely cared about ever in my life. even tho it wont ever happen for me. I deserve real love too.

The fact that you started with "I DONT WANT TO GET HELP" completely pissed me off...your kids arent the selfish ones.

you need help. you will never get real love until you can love yourself.

Quoting Blacky Bo Peep™:" The fact that you started with "I DONT WANT TO GET HELP" completely pissed me off...your kids arent the selfish ones."

and then to say "i deserve real love too' wtf.

Quoting Lil' Nugget.:" and then to say "i deserve real love too' wtf."

Right! You deserve a bed in the psych ward, a divorce, and a visit from CPS. SMFH...and to think Im majoring in Social Work/Psychology.

You don't always have to get counseling, sure they offer it, and tell you it's whats best, BUT I strongly BELIEVE you should be on antidepressants. How you are feeling isn't healthy and you NEED help.

If you know you abuse your children, then you need to separate yourself from them if you refuse to get help. You need to leave and live by yourself if you hurt the people you're living with. Sorry to be blunt, but if you don't want help, there's no reason those kids or your husband should have to live with you.

Wow... Wtf? Seriously? You need help. Whether you want it or not. Your kids are not selfish, your husband is not selfish, your kids didn't make you fat. You did and you're the selfish one. Smfh.

And I just have to ask, but can Mara see who's posting this? I don't think it's right for someone to hide behind this account admitting they abuse their children.

Quoting Mommeee ™:" You don't always have to get counseling, sure they offer it, and tell you it's whats best, BUT I strongly ... [snip!] ... it's whats best, BUT I strongly BELIEVE you should be on antidepressants. How you are feeling isn't healthy and you NEED help. "

I know i need help, but i dont want the 'help' thats offered. i dont even take an asprin i dont believe in medication and im not going to pay to talk to a stranger. im doing that for free right here. what other options would a perosn have?

The fact that you hurt your son so make him snuggle with you makes me really sad  

You're going to cause some serious psychological damage if you keep that up.

Quoting Blacky Bo Peep™:" Right! You deserve a bed in the psych ward, a divorce, and a visit from CPS. SMFH...and to think Im majoring in Social Work/Psychology."

i see a therapist, and i don't even need to see her anymore, but i still go like every 6 weeks or so cause i enjoy talking to someone neutral. she's funny & if i have a problem, i have someone, i won't have to go around trying to find a therapist and getting in for an appt and not feel comfortable with them right away.

OP it is NEVER okay and there is NO excuse to abuse your husband, kids and pets!

Quoting Kate Austen:" If you know you abuse your children, then you need to separate yourself from them if you refuse to get ... [snip!] ... Sorry to be blunt, but if you don't want help, there's no reason those kids or your husband should have to live with you. "

  
I agree, you shouldn't make every one else around you miserable just because you refuse to seek any kind of treatment. It's nothing to be ashamed of to get help. Many women do.

Quoting Kate Austen:" If you know you abuse your children, then you need to separate yourself from them if you refuse to get ... [snip!] ... Sorry to be blunt, but if you don't want help, there's no reason those kids or your husband should have to live with you. "

i rarely stay there anymore once or twice a month

Quoting Kate Austen:" And I just have to ask, but can Mara see who's posting this? I don't think it's right for someone to hide behind this account admitting they abuse their children. "

I don't either. I wish someone could see who's posting this stuff so they could be reported because it definitely sounds like it needs reported in this case.