Difficult day :(

Today has not been an easy day for me. 8 years ago today I had a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old boy. I had found out I was pregnant again and knew there was no way my husband and I could afford another child. We both worked at Walmart and that wouldn't take care of a family of 5, we were struggling to make ends meet as it was. I knew there was no way I could carry a child to term and hand it off to strangers, so we decided abortion was our best option. I remember every detail, from the protesters screaming in my face to the pounding of my heart as I swallowed those pills. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I don't regret it because I know I wouldn't be where I am today. Married to the same loving husband, who works a great job that allows me to stay home with our 4 beautiful children. I work part time as a firefighter/paramedic, and I love the life I have now. I just can't help but think of that baby from time to time, wondering if it was a boy or girl, what we would have named it. Sometimes I feel awful about what we did, and it still makes me cry to this day. But I know in my heart of hearts that it was the right thing to do. I think I'm going to go hug my babies tight :'-(

Naww Mumma. HUGS!

Let yourself grieve, remember your little one and cry if you want to  

Thank you! I allow myself some time when I really get to thinking about it. I try to give myself 10-20 minutes alone or with my husband to get it all out. I just didn't think it would still be this difficult 8 years later. It's nice to have somewhere to talk to others that won't judge. Our families don't even know about it.

Yep BG has been amazing for me to get everything out, or at least to see I’m not alone. My best friend is the only one who knows about my abortion, and I don’t get to see her very often to be able to talk about it. It’s great you and your husband can comfort and support each other. Holding things in only makes it more painful.

It doesn’t surprise me that it’s still difficult 8 years later. I don’t know what I’m going to be like on the anniversary…

Being able to talk about it with him has made it much easier, but no one knows what it's like more than the women who go through it. Even he doesn't completely understand the pain. In those times it's great to have ladies like you who understand and don't judge. This place has been a great support system for everything I have needed help with. It gets crazy in here at times, but what place wouldn't with this amount of estrogen ? Lol. I can't say how it will be for you, only how it has been for me. It has gotten a little easier to deal with over the years, but it's something I will never forget. I hope it continues to get easier. The first anniversary was definitely the hardest for me, I pretty much stayed in bed and cried all day, but I have worked myself down to a few minutes out of the day. It's not a whole lot but it's progress. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with yours  

I love how crazy BG gets   But more than that I love how the ladies band together to support someone who is struggling, and also against those that are close minded and hypercritical.

I’ve just been reading about Mizuko-kuyo, and I think I would like to do something private but significant on the anniversary. Thanks for telling me about your experience  

I think we will always have the What-Ifs and I-Wonders but like you said hopefully things get easier as time goes by.

I love it too, lol. And you're welcome, I'm glad I was able to share it with you! I hope it gets easier for you as well.