So Conflicted

Hello,

I am looking for advice/feedback on my current situation because I am so distraught. I honestly cannot decide what to do. Here's my story.

My fiancee and I have two children 6 & 3, and I just found out I am pregnant again despite being on birth control, which makes this even harder because I truly feel I shouldn't even be in this situation. I am the only one working at this time since my fiancee has been laid off. I have a pretty decent job but EVERYTHING is just so expensive already, I don't see how we can afford another baby. We currently live with my parents and I know it is just not the right time for this baby.

It breaks my heart though because I truly cannot make a decision. The only reason I would be getting this abortion is for financial reasons, we have always wanted more children. I feel like I would be taking away from, or depriving our kids that are already here, and it makes me feel horrible. I feel they deserve the best, and I know another baby would take away from them. Everytime I think about the abortion I start crying, I keep going back and forth in my head about the reasons to keep this baby, and then the reasons why I should get the abortion; it is all I think about ALL day long since I have found out, I am SO torn. I have booked my first prenatal appointment, as well as an appointment for the abortion for next friday because I cannot come to any sort of decision.

I know that it is a choice I can only make for myself, but I suppose I am just looking for some advice or similiar stories. Has anyone been in the same situation? What did you end up doing? Did you regret your decision either way?

Thanks for listening.

Quoting SOCONFUSED:" Hello, I am looking for advice/feedback on my current situation because I am so distraught. I honestly ... [snip!] ... anyone been in the same situation? What did you end up doing? Did you regret your decision either way? Thanks for listening."

Have you considered adoption? I haven't been in the situation before but I think it would be easier giving the baby to a loving family, especially if they can't have kids, then to abort the baby. either way I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do hun  

Quoting Urgurlkk:" Have you considered adoption? I haven't been in the situation before but I think it would be easier giving ... [snip!] ... especially if they can't have kids, then to abort the baby. either way I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do hun  "

 

Good answer  

Have you looked into adoption? I'm sure there would be a few families that would take care of the baby

I've never been in your situation, but I can empathise with you, we have two and we're done (my tubes are tied). I have wondered what I would do if I did find myself pregnant again. My thoughts are if you are having such strong doubts, then if you do have an abortion, you'll really have regrets afterward. Can you get financial assistance?

Quoting SOCONFUSED:" Hello, I am looking for advice/feedback on my current situation because I am so distraught. I honestly ... [snip!] ... anyone been in the same situation? What did you end up doing? Did you regret your decision either way? Thanks for listening."

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down.
I had an abortion. It wasn't a really hard decision for me. My husband (then boyfriend) and I weren't together at the time and I was working for minimum wage. I was not going to be able to handle a baby by myself. Also I had just had a baby a year and a half prior who ended up passing away. I wasn't emotionally or financially stable enough to take care of a baby. And that to me is reason enough for an abortion.
I didn't want to regret the life of a baby I had put in this world.
I am completely at peace with my decision and felt total relief after I had it done. I knew it was best. I never let myself get attached to it. I hope you find the best decision for you. These decisions are never easy.
Good luck!

Quoting happybb:" I've never been in your situation, but I can empathise with you, we have two and we're done (my tubes ... [snip!] ... such strong doubts, then if you do have an abortion, you'll really have regrets afterward. Can you get financial assistance?"

This is what I immediately thought as well. If you are doubting it, it's going to be very hard to recover. To me it sounds like an abortion is truly something you do not want to do; but feel you have to in order to protect and care for your family.
Adoption or government assistance are always two options.

honestly going from 2 to 3 kids isnt that much more exspensive (untill they are old enough to want game systems and exspensive tennis shoes) When i was 21, I found out i was pregnant w/my 3rd when my 2nd was only 8wks old. (i was EBFing and back then they suggested bc after 12wks when nursing) I never considered abortion but i did get panicky wondering how we were going to make ends meet w/a 4yr old ,11mo old , and a newborn. I decided to just rely on my faith instead of worry and take things one day at a time. I have never regretted that decision.

I have thought about adoption, but I know in the end if I ended up continuing with the pregnancy that I would never be able to give my baby up. I know how stupid and selfish that sounds; that I could think about abortion but adoption is out of the question. I know it is not logical.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have also looked into financial assistance; but I make too much to qualify. Which makes no sense considering that we cannot even afford our own place to live.

Quoting SOCONFUSED:" Thank you everyone for your responses. I have also looked into financial assistance; but I make too much to qualify. Which makes no sense considering that we cannot even afford our own place to live."

did you try applying for food stamps? do you pay rent to your parents?

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through with this mama   I can't even imagine how hard it may be.
From everything you described in your post, it seems like abortion may be the best option for you and your family. You've got to do whats best for all of you and bringing another baby into the world just isn't it.
I understand that adoption is not an option, I would never be able to carry a baby for 9 months just to hand it off to someone else so if I were in a situation such as yours I would abort.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make.

My younger sister had an abortion a few years ago. (she was in a ''bad'' situation at the time and allowed other people to convince her it was best to terminate even though she wasnt sure) Sadly, she ended up clinically depressed and hospitalized for over a month due to the grief and regret. She almost lost custody of her son. It has been 3yrs since then and she has since given birth to a beautiful baby girl but she confided that terminating will always haunt her.
Please make sure you really think this through! it broke my family's heart to c my sis suffering so bad......i would hate for someone else to experience that.

Quoting SOCONFUSED:" I have thought about adoption, but I know in the end if I ended up continuing with the pregnancy that ... [snip!] ... and selfish that sounds; that I could think about abortion but adoption is out of the question. I know it is not logical."

It is logical though.

Right now its not a baby, its a blob of cells.
If you really think your going to struggle, then have an abortion.

A lot of pro life people will come on here and tell you that abortions ruined the lives of people they know or don't know.
But its just not true, lots of people do it and have no regrets at all.

You shouldn't feel bad about anything, you were trying not to get pregnant.

Sorry to hear you going through this. I have never been completely in your situation. The only thing that is the same for me was I also fell pregnant with our 3rd whilst I was taking birth control. I cried so much because i had finally decided nope I am happy with two. I didn't feel like my mind was in the right place, yet I had personally never liked the thought of me having an abortion. Thankfully my husband was supportive and he ensured me it would work. And it has. Now we are planning our fourth whilst I gain more human capital by gaining a degree and he will be starting his soon whilst being the only one in full time work.

If you are having doubts about abortion I would suggest speak to the professionals. I am sure even abortion clinics have to give advice so that any decision made is the best one for you. Is there any chance your fiancee may be able to get into paid employment soon? Would this change the way you feel. I feel for you that you are going through this. And I can only imagine how hard it is to make the decision of having an abortion.

Whichever choice you make I wish you luck.