living with the decision

I take anti-anxiety medications and have a thyroid problem. For over 6 years I was told I most likely would not get pregnant and had learned to live with the idea that I may have to have a child another way besides the natural way. My hubs of 8 years had also settled into this idea. About 2 months ago, I found out I was almost 3 months pregnant and in a haste decision because of how doctors reacted to my medications I'm on and the fact I have no insurance currently I opted for a termination. The fear the doctors put in me about having to come off my medications and live a successful life, the fetus not being damaged and the fact it would be "high risk" made me make a decision I now severely regret. It seems I made a decision out of fear instead of thinking it through. I can't really be near any child under 3 (and I work with kids) and I just found out a family member found out she was pregnant the same time I did and is going to have a child around the due date I was given. The abortion and then that news has caused me to just become horribly depressed and I don't want to talk to people.

I know, I made the right decision because I wouldn't be able to care for the child's needs and if the child came out with any special needs I would feel just horribly guilty but that "what if" keeps running back into my head. Anything I was worried about giving up (medications) isn't helping now (the anxiety has gotten worse, actually) and I just want some tips on how to love myself again. I dislike sex now, I don't want to look in the mirror. My husband tells me he loves me but I don't believe it because I don't love myself anymore.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way about your decision. I know how hard it is. I terminated a pregnancy for similar reasons. I am bi-polar, and I also have severe anxiety and major depressive disorder caused by PTSD. I had just gotten my cocktail of meds right where my psychiatrist and I felt they needed to be for me to really start becoming more stable. Then we found out I was pregnant, we were using condoms so it was a big shock to us. My psychiatrist told me right off the bat if I continued with my meds that the baby would more than likely suffer severe defects because of the meds that I was taking. And I already have two children at home who need their mom to be stable and not snapping over little things. I knew I hadn't been stable long enough to start weaning myself from my meds and my psychiatrist agreed. So I made the decision to continue the meds so I could be a better mom to my children who were already here and needing me. And not bring a baby that is certain to have a miserable life into the world. So I chose to terminate. It was hard, I cried, I hated myself not for the procedure and going through with it, but because I was mentally ill and couldn't get off meds to continue the pregnancy. But after more meetings with my psychiatrist and therapist, I know what I did was the right decision and I have no regrets what so ever about it. I did what was right for myself, my children and that baby. Give it some more time and it will get better

Beth, I truly am sorry for the pain that you are going through right now. I have always been pro-life, but I never thought about a situation like yours. But I also have been on medications in the past for depression and bi-polar, and I know what the doctors told me about if I was to get pregnant while on them. I cannot condemn your decision, and to tell you the truth from what I know about the medications they quite possibly if not probably would have caused a miscarriage later on or worse. I hope that things will get better for you, but I can definitely say that your situation has made me think a little bit.

Quoting Heather DeVies:" Beth, I truly am sorry for the pain that you are going through right now. I have always been pro-life, ... [snip!] ... worse. I hope that things will get better for you, but I can definitely say that your situation has made me think a little bit."

No offense but whether you agree with her decision or not who are you to "condemn" her. Whether you're pro-life or pro-choice the decision is not one for you to make. Nor do you have a right to judge her decision. If you took offense to this I apologize but I am absolutely sick and tired of people believing they have any right to judge a woman's decision when it comes to having an abortion.... FOR ANY REASON.