posted 6th Apr '12
I know EXACTLY how you feel.
My circumstances are a little different.
I'm 28, engaged, we have our own house, two cars, His (mostly) full-time income, my part-time income, 2 kids here already, One on the way.
I"m 2 classes away from completing my Bachelor's Degree in English.
I didn't want this baby either. I despise being pregnant. There are about 3 things I actually can say I 'like' about it.
Look for another job -- I know they are hard to find right now but if you aren't happy with your current position, change it. Start looking for a different job. You don't have to tell your employer you're pregnant until it becomes relevant. I got a job when I was 3 months along. I didn't tell my interviewer/boss that I was pregnant until the final interview.
Community College vs. a University - If you're looking to get your Bachelor's Degree, well, that's a good idea actually. Get most of your General Education courses out of the way (non-core classes, like a math course, some writing courses, art & music...) because getting those credits at a cheaper college will help out your bills in the long run. I REALLY wish I would have done that, because I could probably be done with school by now instead of struggling to pay down my tuition so I can finish my last 2 courses.
There are TONS of online colleges (that's how I'm finishing my degree). The ability to go to school whenever I want (be it at 8AM or 1AM), is about the only way I COULD manage to get this far while having 2 kids. It also saves on the cost of gas and childcare.
It's hard to get excited when something happens like this. I wanted to punch everything in sight until I got my job. IF you're working full time, just tell them you want part time.
We actually got pregnant the same way you did... in between birth control packs. We only have one vehicle that can cart around all the kids and both of us (he drives a pickup truck, I have an SUV). But we make it work. By the time the baby comes my son should be in a booster seat, so an infant carrier will be a tight squeeze but it will fit in the back.
Wait until the baby starts moving, that will help. It did for me anyway. Think of all the things you will get to enjoy. I go around and look at newborn and infant pictures on my friend's facebook pages. It reminds me of how wonderful it was when my kids were itty bitty, and that helps get me smiling about it.
I"m still not happy or excited... I wanted a girl, this one is a boy, and our last. I wanted a little girl who was the 'spittin image' of me, but I don't get that. None of my kids look like me.
But it doesn't mean I won't love my baby less because he's a boy. You're actually in a pretty good situation to have a kid. Yeah, it's going to be harder, but you're going to feel that much more accomplished when you finally get to do what you want. It may not happen the way you dreamed, but if you get to where you want to be, does it really make that much of a difference?
Both universities I went to offered child-care. I never got to use it (my daughter's dad watched her while I went to class -- we weren't together and he worked 3rd shift) so I don't know how much it would have cost me to use, but they do offer it. I wouldn't doubt that a community college would have something to help, or at least some ideas.
College and a degree is NOT unattainable for a Mom anymore. Especially if you can find something you can do online. That has made my life Much, Much easier. Kids go to bed, I would go to school.
I know it's hard, but if you need to talk shoot me a message. I know how frustrating it is to not want a baby..even though it's a lot less now I still am not happy or excited....
I don't believe in elective abortions, and I have no medical reason to get one. I'm also the kind of person who admires and applauds people who give their children up for adoption, but I am not capable of doing that.
Anyway, you have an ear to bend if you need. Good Luck, Momma.
I have 3 kids & live in Ohio
posted 6th Apr '12
Quoting Deborah Stechschulte:" I know EXACTLY how you feel. My circumstances are a little different. I'm 28, engaged, we have our own ... [snip!] ... children up for adoption, but I am not capable of doing that. Anyway, you have an ear to bend if you need. Good Luck, Momma."
Online college is not an option for me. The only reason I am able to attend community college is because the pell grant covers it fully. And finding another job isnt an option either. I get free insurance through my job and if I were to change it would be hard to find another insurance that would accept me. And theres no way I could afford the plan I am on now out of pocket. I am really hoping it is just hormones and stress making me feel like this. Its just not how I imagined feeling when I got pregnant for the first time. I even hate my growing belly. At 8 weeks I am bloated to the point of looking 5 months pregnant. My husband really is supportive though and is looking for a second job so that we can out back some money. I just dont know how our money is going to stretch far enough. And I handle bills competely, so even though he says we will make it, he has no idea how close we come each month.
And its not helping me feel any better when I see all these little 16 year olds on my fb who are soooo excited to be pregnant and be mothers. I am in a much better situation than that and yet I cant feel the joy that they do. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Argh.
posted 6th Apr '12
OP there is nothing wrong with you. Most 16 year olds (but not all) do not take on the worry of how they will afford their LO. Or if they are like the majority of 16 year olds around here they think they can just rely on government handouts - not sure how your area works on that. You are being a responsible adult and know that having a child will have a financial impact which you will need to adjust to. Seriously set up a planner to show you what money you will have (and any state hlep you may recieve) and how much your outgoings will be. Your husband is very supportive if he is offering to get a second job. That may be worthwhile especially to buy all the major baby items and clear any loans you may owe etc which will free up some more money by not being budgeted out each month. Definetely talk to your husband so you can both come to a decision you are both happy with. I wish you all the best.quote
posted 6th Apr '12
Nobody here can "help you get excited" about your baby. It really sounds like you need to get into counseling or therapy to deal with your feelings about this pregnancy. And you need to talk about your fears with your husband instead of keeping it to yourself. He may share some of these fears but is keeping it to himself because he does not want to upset you. I do not envy your situation in the least, I would have felt the same way if I found out I was pregnant and was not prepared or wanting a baby at the time. But you really do need to get yourself some help, because this pregnancy is not going to get any easier the farther you get along, and parenting is not going to be a picnic either if you never accept the baby.quote
posted 7th Apr '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" I found out in the beginning of March that I was pregnant. I am 20 and married with a home and 2 cars. ... [snip!] ... do this. We already live paycheck to paycheck. My husband thinks its just hormones and stress making me feel like this but idk."
I found out I was prego right when I was about to start my transition to RN. Now I have to wait to transition. I was scared at first, but I'm stoked now. Community College is not so bad, that's where I went; and if you want to go to University still after the baby is born, go for it! You can do it. Having a baby will not be the end of your life. You will def learn to work around it.
Good luck with whatever decision you decide.