re: step kids :/ (please read..long) helllllp

Quoting Bovine Burlesque:" That is the worst thing she could say, what she should counter with is "I may not have grown you and ... [snip!] ... that she is not their mom will not help the situation she needs to make them realise that giving birth does not make you a mom."

Eh, you're right, your version is way better...  

Quoting superpregnant:" Good luck. It's hard. There's no guide for how to be a step mother, and I can tell you want to do the right thing. Hopefully one day the kids will ALL see that"

i look back and realize that i was a crappy teen from 16-18 and now i realize how much my mom means to me ..she did everything for me growing up sure we had fights but i didnt love her like i do now..i hope just hope that is what happens with them...my mom is such a wonderful person..

she is amazing to these kids too. so they are lucky to have people who care for them. but i want them to get passed the woe is me thing my mom left. even if she did stay they would have a terrible life their mom was no a good person or mother still isnt. they are BETTER of without her.

Quoting BG Secrets:" i have said that to them...ive never said im not your mom because i didnt give birth to you ...but ... [snip!] ... them...i also need to learn to be more affectionate to them...i try to be lovey dovey to them but it never comes out right..."

Its a hard situation, teens are hard work at the best of times but when there is extra emotional baggage it takes its toll on everyone. I hope you all find a peaceful resolve.

Quoting Bovine Burlesque:" That is the worst thing she could say, what she should counter with is "I may not have grown you and ... [snip!] ... that she is not their mom will not help the situation she needs to make them realise that giving birth does not make you a mom."

   

I havent read this whole thing...but coming from a child whose mom took off when i was 8 and up until then was still sketchy I know how your stepchildren feel...also my poor step mom had to walk into the same type of situation when i was 15 yrs old and you bet your ass my dads 5 kids are treated completely different that her two. Im 25 now and it still hurts sometimes when i see her sisters and mom (step aunt step grandma) Taking them out to dinner or shopping sp3xsrees while my 16 yr old sister sits at home. When i was still at home my punishments where 3Xs worse than her kids and my dad brushed it off until my little sister started going through the same thing....As step children they will scrutinize everything you do..they will compare every little thing...especially after everything they went though...be consistant...on everything like the other ladies said..IF YOU CANT BUY EVERY CHILD AN ITEM NO ONE NEEDS ONE!!! Same thing goes to your sisters...they should understand...YOU are all they have and goddamit they will fight but ill tell ya what when they get older and have kids they will realize how badly you fought to show them you love them. My family never had counseling and I think we should have...of course we never cursed or talked back ot my stepmom because my dad would kill us lol SO PLEASE GET COUNSELING!! Even if they dont want it and want to go into their room keep getting it...theyll come around eventually...just dont give up hun trust me theyll figure it out..and bailing just shows them that they were right...everyone bails...My stepmom and I are still a little strained but only because of the way she treats my sister...but I do know she loves me and my brothers...in fact she walked me down the aisle on my wedding day because lets face it we may not always agree but shes my mom ya know? Lol

I havent read this whole thing...but coming from a child whose mom took off when i was 8 and up until then was still sketchy I know how your stepchildren feel...also my poor step mom had to walk into the same type of situation when i was 15 yrs old and you bet your ass my dads 5 kids are treated completely different that her two. Im 25 now and it still hurts sometimes when i see her sisters and mom (step aunt step grandma) Taking them out to dinner or shopping sp3xsrees while my 16 yr old sister sits at home. When i was still at home my punishments where 3Xs worse than her kids and my dad brushed it off until my little sister started going through the same thing....As step children they will scrutinize everything you do..they will compare every little thing...especially after everything they went though...be consistant...on everything like the other ladies said..IF YOU CANT BUY EVERY CHILD AN ITEM NO ONE NEEDS ONE!!! Same thing goes to your sisters...they should understand...YOU are all they have and goddamit they will fight but ill tell ya what when they get older and have kids they will realize how badly you fought to show them you love them. My family never had counseling and I think we should have...of course we never cursed or talked back ot my stepmom because my dad would kill us lol SO PLEASE GET COUNSELING!! Even if they dont want it and want to go into their room keep getting it...theyll come around eventually...just dont give up hun trust me theyll figure it out..and bailing just shows them that they were right...everyone bails...My stepmom and I are still a little strained but only because of the way she treats my sister...but I do know she loves me and my brothers...in fact she walked me down the aisle on my wedding day because lets face it we may not always agree but shes my mom ya know? Lol

Quoting -BLT-:" Don't buy things for only your kids!!! If your sis buys things just for your kids, tell the children ... [snip!] ... pull the 'you're not my mom' thing, say you're right, I'm not. But I'm in charge of you and I love you like a mother should. "

You cant always say ''buy things for all the children so none are resentful''....if the kid is being disrespectful then they dont deserve a reward! ......everything is a two way street. These kids are old enough to know that actions carry consequences. I have 5 children and very rarely do they all get a present or reward at the same time, if their behavior doesnt warrant it......

Quoting 5 blessings so far....:" You cant always say ''buy things for all the children so none are resentful''....if the kid is being ... [snip!] ... have 5 children and very rarely do they all get a present or reward at the same time, if their behavior doesnt warrant it......"

I agree she shouldn't reward bad behavior, but I think she was just talking about a generic run to Target. She said she picks up things in the $1 bin for her children and the older kids are mad they didn't get anything. I whole-heartily agree that if the kid just bad mouthed her, don't give him a present... but I doubt your kids are feeling the same resentment already that her step-kids are dealing with.