just need some support

>AS
well idk if this is bg secret worthy but i dont feel comfortable using my own account so i suppose it is.
I am scheduled for an abortion on the third, nothing very special about my case...accept that i am recovering pro-life...
i know some people are gonna be like...wtf is wrong with this chick?
anyway, when i first found out there wasnt a question in my mind. i mean, we could stretch things and have another baby, but it would really be stretched. i dont feel attached to this baby at all. like...at all. its not like i believe in god, heaven or hell, or that the "baby" will suffer or even know what its missing. hell its probably better off.

so at first i was doing really well, SO is completely on bored, i dont even think he considers me pregnant right now.
i was okay at first with it, but its only been a few days knowing and its all i dream about. i was so okay with going through with this, logically im fine. but the fear is paralyzing every time i wake up. its getting worse. i still have a few days till my appt, and i know i need full conviction with my decision, i dont feel attached, ive made sure of that. but im afraid the dreams and my subconscious is going to get to me. it really is quite paralyzing.

i just need some support.

You were never truly "pro life" if you are considering abortion. It just means that you judged others for doing something you thought you'd never do and now you're in "their" situation, you see it is necessary.

Anyway, it is not an easy process mentally or physically. You have to think about it in a long term point of view in reference to how this would benefit all involved that you did not go through with the pregnancy. If you have the procedure there is always post abortion support to consider.

Best of luck.

Quoting Jheri Ames:" You were never truly "pro life" if you are considering abortion. It just means that you judged others ... [snip!] ... not go through with the pregnancy. If you have the procedure there is always post abortion support to consider. Best of luck."

actually its something ive been working through ever since a friend of mine had an abortion six years ago.
and as far as judging? no.
i felt bad for anyone that would be obligated to choose. my heart broke for her.
and yes, i let my emotions get in the way, and it led to miscommunication and eventually the end of our friendship. that was a huge loss for me.

When i first made this decision, there was no emotion involved. i didn't care because its not sad either way. because i have built my logic over the past few years and it is getting better at closing out my emotions. at first when i made the decision i though about my old friend, and thought...she was right. and im sorry. i shouldn't have let my emotions be a burden to her. (clarification, she had an abortion a year after i lost a child due to my own unhealthy choices, and i hated to see her go through what i went through, but i was there for her. later, like a year later...someone was badgering me about how pro choice they are and it made me nauseous. i could not process my emotions. i made a fb post trying to clear my head and my friend took it the wrong way, thought i was judging her....idk.)
so now, i was doing so well walking away from the emotions of it all, but they are creeping up on me.

thanks for your words, working through it again is helping me. but i just wanted to clarify that it isnt me changing my mind now that im backed into a corner, its something ive been trying to work through for years.
i actually think that this experience is helping me, so that maybe i can be a good friend again someday to someone in need. i used to be too scared to even talk about abortion.

idk if any of this makes sense, but i like to think of it as me growing.
sometimes i loose that though and i get scared.

*hugs* No one can make this decision for you..only you...not even your SO...If I could send you all of my strength to help you make this decision I would...Just think about everything possible both ways... Much love

Megan

Are you scared of the process or does the thought of having an abortion in general bother you?

Quoting Megan *1 Of Each*:" *hugs* No one can make this decision for you..only you...not even your SO...If I could send you all of ... [snip!] ... all of my strength to help you make this decision I would...Just think about everything possible both ways... Much love Megan"

thanks so much. i know i need to be sure of my decision, and i was....but i just wavered a bit today i guess. im so upset i have to wait till next week, thats a long time to be mulling things over.

Quoting BG Secrets:" thanks so much. i know i need to be sure of my decision, and i was....but i just wavered a bit today i guess. im so upset i have to wait till next week, thats a long time to be mulling things overwhat

ever you choose I back you up...and im against abortion..but I have never been in the position to consider it.. so I commend you on thinking about it first and thinking about your family.*hugs*

Quoting Kailey & Kamryn's Mommy:" Are you scared of the process or does the thought of having an abortion in general bother you?"

im not scared of the process...i mean im only 4 or five weeks, so its as early as they can do it, and i will be doing the pill. not so scary i guess...
i mean, if it doesnt work i guess you have to go back in and have the surgical, im scared of that but thats another bridge that i probably wont even come to so im not worried yet.

i think im afraid of the abortion in general. having it done...perhaps on bad days or after bad dreams thinking of myself as a murderer. i think now i am ignoring these emotions that have been very relevant to me for a long time, because they are invalid. what if im wrong, and they are not just emotions but my true morals? i feel like im ignoring a lot, and i can detach myself pretty well....but what if its the side you arent supposed to detach from? if that makes sense....and it comes back so much harder later to torture me.
i guess im afraid of all my logic falling apart after the fact and being left not being able to forgive myself for what i may see as murder.

Quoting Megan *1 Of Each*:" ever you choose I back you up...and im against abortion..but I have never been in the position to consider it.. so I commend you on thinking about it first and thinking about your family.*hugs*"

thanks again. and i understand where you are coming from, trust me.
it hurts to think about people who dont want their baby, or are put in a position like this.
i have to admit, it does feel different than you would expect from this end though...

dreams and night mares while your pregnant can be so freaky, I wouldn't blaim it on the fact that you have an appt i'd assume it is probably pregnacy hormons messing with your dreams of things that bother you but the hormons make them 100x worst and now because of the dreams your even scareder.

I think that maybe you are trying to hold back a lot of emotions, and it makes sense because you are trying to be as strong as possible, but maybe it would be healthier to take a day to let your emotions out. That way, you have come completely to terms with your decision beforehand, and you won't be holding it all in until after the fact. (It seems to me that you are scared of having a breakdown after everything is done and over with). I hope that all makes sense. This is a big decision to make and a lot of thinking comes with it, but you know what is right for you and your family. Good luck with everything hun, just be strong *hugs*

Quoting BG Secrets:" im not scared of the process...i mean im only 4 or five weeks, so its as early as they can do it, ... [snip!] ... of all my logic falling apart after the fact and being left not being able to forgive myself for what i may see as murder."

If you think you'll regret it, don't do it! My MIL had two and my mom one ( both say it was bc their husbands wanted them to ) and both say they regret it!

Quoting BG Secrets:" thanks again. and i understand where you are coming from, trust me. it hurts to think about people ... [snip!] ... baby, or are put in a position like this. i have to admit, it does feel different than you would expect from this end though..."

I bet..but what I feel doesn't matter if you need someone to tell you that they have your back im your girl   just be sure