A ray of Hope..
posted 2nd Mar '12
I randomly saw this website on my Fb newfeed and I thought I'd share my story. I am currently 22 years old, will be 23 this year - It's my final year at University (done a BAdeg in Psych) -
My story - I was 16 years old when I met a guy through mutual friends, Ryan (he was 4years older than me and working already) - as any other 16 year old I had butterflies and fell inlove. The memories I now have are of the joyful moments, he was my first love, our families liked one another etc - We were together (had our problems & made up) and dated till I was 19/20.
However, I had a feeling I was pregnant in my matric year of highschool, I was 18 turning 19 - the feeling was right - through various emotions (with fairly strict parents/grandparents/finances) - I was afraid and anxious about everything.. I was afraid of dissapointing them/everyone else (I was the girl who made the family proud). I knew I had University the following year and my bf, I think was not ready to be a father.. We decided to abort. From the moment the pregnacy test said positive, I knew my life changed. Mornings in the shower was bitter/sweet - I'd hold my hand on my flat belly, knowing what could have happened if circumstances were different. I was 6.5weeks when I had a surgical abortion. On that certain Saturday, within a few hours, I was 'Me' again - Prior my bf and I usuall argued over petty things (surprisingly none relating to the abortion - it was either jealousy or some random stupid argument); which escalated over the months into fights and an eventaul breakup.
It was one of the most difficult time in my adolecent life - I could not understand how he would leave me and how easy it was to let go of everything we shared together. Even though my 1st year on Uni went well (academic wise) - I had classes such as Ethics, with debates on abortions etc - mentally not my finest hours. I was never a 'party girl' but I tried that out for a few months to avoid certain issues, but soon realised that does not work. Spiritually I felt like I let God and myself down - reading all these internet blogs made one fearful.
During my 3rd year of Uni, I met a guy - it had been about 2/3years since ryan and I broke up. Long story short, we are currently dating just over 2years. During the time I have helped myself heal (think psychology lectures played its role), he has helped me to a point where I told him and my mother, but most importantly - I speak to God/Jesus on a regualar/daily basis - I sought refuge and religiously the Bible speaks about confession and letting go then. I can honestly say the hole I had in my heart, Jesus mended it bit by bit, He is merciful - I dont want to make this 'a religious post' - dont want to offened anyone, just really wanted to tell my story and give hope and a little ray of sunshine to all the females who went and is going through similar life stages.
It really does get easier, I dont think and fixate on the abortion 24/7 as I use to. I tried to forgive myself and to let go. I will always care and love ryan (that does not mean a romantic love) but we shared alot and he'll always be a chapter (more like a book) in my life lol.. Like I said I'm 22, havent been pregnant since, who knows what the future has in store for me.. I am in a content place and reading the stories on the site, just made me want to share my experience for the 1st time; in the hope that more people feel free to share theirs.
Hugs, love and best wishes to ALL I already know you a bunch of amazing women! God's richest Blessing xx MWAH
posted 2nd Mar '12
Your story was amazing. Having an abortion has never crossed my mind, but I like to come into AS and just read some of the stories because some of them, like yours, are absolutely amazing. quote
posted 2nd Mar '12
It sounds like you did what you had to do at the time....what was best for you. I'm glad you shared your story, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.. But it really does show how strong you are not dwelling on it everyday and moving on with your life. I personally have never had an abortion, but I have had several miscarirages. I know it's not the same, but I (in a way) know some of the feelings that you went through.
Again thank you for sharing you story