Quoting Katie Lady:" I want too. But I'm so ashamed. Like I said I don't have much support. I don't know really where to turn..."
I've never been in your situation. But I can tell you that even as someone who has not felt that way it is clear that you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You are entitled to feeling the way you are and entitled to seek help.
I'm sorry you are feeling like this, really. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
Perhaps the clinic you went to would have connections fro professionals who have experience in these situations where you can seek help.
*hugs to you*