re: Just a question (stepparenting)

Quoting Cowgirl47429:“ I can see what you are saying I would hate to be out and hear "oh thats my dad and his wife ______" ... [snip!] ... hate each other. Sometimes that makes a kid feel unloved because they are forced to hold a grudge even if they dont want to.”

I agree with that to the extent that if the child is young enough (like under 7 or so) that's how it should be.

Quoting Tara: Beautiful Momma:“ I agree with that to the extent that if the child is young enough (like under 7 or so) that's how it should be.”

Yeah if the child is older NOTHING should make them feel they "have" to do something they arent comfortable with. They are old enough to know the difference and they should be let come around in there own time but even in that case the child should be sat down and told mommy and daddy might say things about they others significant other but that does not mean in anyways that its not okay for them to like them. The child should be as comfortable as possible in there home no matter who is in it. If they are younger it is a good idea to encourage it because that makes it easier for them to understand its okay to like them. You could always do what a friend of mine does (and as I have seen in gay couples with children) using for example: Mommy and Mommy Deb or Daddy and Daddy Joe. That way they still see them as two different people but still see them in that role as a parent.

Quoting Cowgirl47429:“ Yeah if the child is older NOTHING should make them feel they "have" to do something they arent comfortable ... [snip!] ... Deb or Daddy and Daddy Joe. That way they still see them as two different people but still see them in that role as a parent.”

Thanks alot!! Your advice was great. I don't know how what I said got screwed up down the line, people saying I said girlfriend (I said fiancee') and I never said 'mommy' I said stepmomma. Anyways, thanks for what you said, I think you are very true, my stepdaughter knows who her real mom is. All kids do. and my stepdaughter's 3.

Quoting Jamie A.:“ Thanks alot!! Your advice was great. I don't know how what I said got screwed up down the line, people ... [snip!] ... for what you said, I think you are very true, my stepdaughter knows who her real mom is. All kids do. and my stepdaughter's 3.”

No problem. I had step-parents and step-brothers and sisters so I know who the kid feels. I try to relate that to post like this so people can see where I am coming from. Just because I am not a step-parent doesnt mean I dont understand.

Quoting Jamie A.:“ Let's say you have a baby, you and the father of your child have not been together for 3 years, now your ... [snip!] ... a problem with your child calling his fiancee' 'Stepmomma' ? And if the child did and you found out, would you try to stop it?”

i hate the thought of this, my eldest 2 see thier daddy every 2 weeks and i hate that his girlfriend is there playing happy families with my babies but i just grin and bear it! i cant expect him to stay single forever just for my sake. i wouldnt want my children using the word mama on anyone else but me even if it was stepmama. saying that tho my youngest calls his daddy dada and also calls my new partner (the father of the baby im carrying) dada, he chose to do this by himself so i probably wouldnt have a leg to stand on