Abusive Relationship Support

After seeing multiple posts lately from women in abusive relationships with nowhere to turn, I felt it necessary to make a post about this very heavy topic.

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.
Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.

Do you:

• feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
• avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
• feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
• believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
• wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
• feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does your partner:

• humiliate or yell at you?
• criticize you and put you down?
• treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
• ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
• blame you for their own abusive behavior?
• see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Does your partner:

• have a bad and unpredictable temper?
• hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
• threaten to take your children away or harm them?
• threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
• force you to have sex?
• destroy your belongings?

Does your partner:

• act excessively jealous and possessive?
• control where you go or what you do?
• keep you from seeing your friends or family?
• limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
• constantly check up on you?

It Is Still Abuse If . . .

• The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
• The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship.Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.
• The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
• There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.

Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse
Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so.Economic or financial abuse includes:

• Rigidly controlling your finances.
• Withholding money or credit cards.
• Making you account for every penny you spend.
• Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).

• Restricting you to an allowance.
• Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
• Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly).
• Stealing from you or taking your money.
• 
  

The common cycle of abuse:

• Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
• Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
• Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.
• "Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
• Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
• Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.

Where can you go to get help?
Women Thrive
The Hotline can find help in your area.
Futures Without Violence
Domesticviolence.org
U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or
TYY 1-800-787-3224

Please feel free to post your stories and seek help from the wonderful women on this site to do what is best for you in your situation.


If you would like to post your story anonymously, please use the login below!


Login Email: bg_secretsop@hotmail.com
Password: bgsecrets

I will not post anything about ME but I will offer advice and support. This is a great idea.

Quoting ♥ B ♥:" I will not post anything about ME but I will offer advice and support. This is a great idea."

I understand, I also feel that people will be reluctant to post their situation for whatever reason, but if not, they can PM me or anyone else lending support in here. I just don't like to see women in abusive relationships whether physical or emotional. I think that some women don't even know their relationships are actually abusive because their partner is controlling or whatever. I hope some good comes out of this.

I was in an extremely abusive relationship for 4 years. I would also like to lend a hand if anyone needs anything at all.

Been in one for 5years.....trying to get the courage to get up and on the ball to support myself and my kids. Its not easy to leave like some people believe it to be.

I would be willing to try to support others going through this abusive relationships are hard to deal with and its not always as simple as leaving like so many people believe or just say sometimes its much deeper than that...... i think I had PM'd Mara asking about something like this not too long ago hopefully it will be made into a sticky and people can get help if needed!!

Maybe people can log into the BG secrets account or we can create another one specifically for this thread if needed so people can remain anonymous if they feel better doing so.

Quoting ~Spartacus~:" Been in one for 5years.....trying to get the courage to get up and on the ball to support myself and my kids. Its not easy to leave like some people believe it to be."

I understand that it isn't as easy as everyone thinks. While I was not in a romantic abusive relationship, I was abused by my mother and it didn't end when I moved out. It took me years to move on and learn to get away from her.

Quoting Neighborhood Pill Pusher:" I would be willing to try to support others going through this abusive relationships are hard to deal ... [snip!] ... we can create another one specifically for this thread if needed so people can remain anonymous if they feel better doing so."

I agree, I am still working on the OP and will add hotlines and websites for additional help. There are too many women on here who need someone to help in this situation.

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" I agree, I am still working on the OP and will add hotlines and websites for additional help. There are too many women on here who need someone to help in this situation."

i think that would be great to add! Let me know if you need any help or anything!

I've been very open and honest about what I've gone through with Ricky and think this is great!

out of those questions, i can answer 10 of them yes.

Quoting Neighborhood Pill Pusher:" i think that would be great to add! Let me know if you need any help or anything! "

Thank you sweetie, let's hope this sticks!

I was in a physical and mental abusive relationship/marriage for 5 and a half years. Everything you posted besides the sexual parts are what I went and still go through. And were not even together anymore! The best thing I ever did was get away from him. If I were still there I would be dead or very hurt. This is a great idea. I hope women realize and talk and get help!

This made me think of my mom, when I was 6 my mom used to be physically abused by my brothers dad I saw everything every day sometimes it would get better sometimes it would get worse until one day when my brother was one he beat my mom and left bruises she called the cops and got a restraining order against him. Worst part? He would beat the crap out of me too I was spanked so hard until I was barely able to sit that I never forgot that but some how manage to block the other stuff out and forget but I always had the same nightmare of him screaming and beating her I would wake up crying it wasn't until I was 12 that I decided to tell my mom about my nightmares and she told me everything I was so devastated then it all hit me at once like I was reliving everything hearing the screams my brother and my mom crying me crying terrified in a corner seeing everything it was painful. I don't know if for that reason my mother turn abusived as well I endured beatings its wasn't spanking it was more than that it didn't stop until I stood up for myself and even then she verbally abused me for years until I finally moved out and to this day it hurts to think about it. There's help out there people willing to lend a hand don't let anyone do that to you keep your head high and have the strength to put a stop to it. I know my story isn't as bad as others but I felt like sharing sorry for any misspellings.

Quoting Lilith's mommy:" This made me think of my mom, when I was 6 my mom used to be physically abused by my brothers dad I saw ... [snip!] ... the strength to put a stop to it. I know my story isn't as bad as others but I felt like sharing sorry for any misspellings."

Everyone's story deserves to be heard and respected. I am sorry that you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story.