Surviving Abortion. Life After.

I survived having an abortion. Just. I never thought I would recover but I did.

Physically I survived. My body healed over quickly, within a few days my body felt fine. But my heart? My heart was broken. It was shattered. When I got home from having the abortion I ran to my bedroom and just cryed like I had never cryed before. I had lost something I could never get back. Ever. I couldnt go back in time and get my baby back, like my heart and soul ached to do.

I had an Abortion at 17 weeks on 20th of November 2010. Its funny the things you remember. I remember the time I was booked in 7am in the morning. I remember my mother pinching me under the arm whispering abuse to me threatening to leave me stranded in a strange place with no way home. ( the abortion clinic was 4 hours from where I lived) if I didn't go through with it then and there. She had tryed to force me to have an Abortion earlier in the pregnancy at around 9 weeks but I refused. She kicked me out. My partner and I didnt have anywere to live. We were living in a tent camping. We barely had food. Mum wouldnt let me go home. All I wanted was my mum to talk to me and to love and accept me, was doing this to make her happy the only way?
So I thought.
I still remember sitting in the clinic for 3 hours before the procedure. I was 17 weeks so they had to give me a drug which was inserted into the vagina to soften the cervix. I sat there for 3 hours with tears in my eyes. I went to the toilet a few times just to cry my eyes out in private. So I wouldnt upset the other patients. When I was sitting in the toilet I put my hand on my stomach and whispered " Im so sorry"
Finally my name was called and I was taken into theatre. The doctor made me lay on the table with legs open in the right position. Then another doctor gave me anasethetic and that was it I was out to it. No going back. I wish I had screamed at them to stop, done something to make it all stop.
I woke up on an uncomfortable reclining chair. with vomit on my dress and my pants soaked in blood. and intense pain in my stomach. I cried for the nurse to give me something for the pain. She refused saying I had already had something before I woke up and it should go away soon. It went away after awhile. I got up changed my clothes and said I want to leave. The nurse made me eat something and drink something before I left. I threw it up straight away. Wobbly legged I walked out the door. My mum was waiting for me outside. We got in the car and drove the 4 hours home. I vomited and cried the whole way.

So that was the abortion. What happened to me after? I went through alot of emotional hurt and pain. I tried to overdose. I was nearly successful if it wasnt for my sister finding me. I got put in phyciatric care. I was a mess. Nothing fixed with my mum she was still an abusive manipulative person to me. I started self harming. My partner could see the hurt in me and I could see it hurt him to. It strained us. Somehow I pulled through.

I got a job, We found a house together. Everyday still hurting from losing that baby. We tryed again. I found out I was pregnant in june 2011.
I am currently 32 weeks and we are expecting a boy on 10th of february 2012.
I would never give him up for the world. and I'll never ever set foot near an abortion clinic in my life ever again. I'll remember what happened for the rest of my life and carry the pain with me.
My mother and I are no longer on speaking terms. I'll never forgive her.

Going through this has made me stronger and I believe it will make me a better mother than I could of been the first time. I appreciate life so much more now.
I still cry sometimes for the baby I gave up, but I know God has given me and my partner a second chance. and I am grabbing it with both hands and never letting go,
But I wont ever forget what I went through on the 20/11/2010 at 17 weeks.

im sorry it was such a traumatic experience for you, but im glad you are doing better now and get to enjoy your little boy who will be here soon.

im so sorry you had to go through that.

i just have to ask, if you really live in australia, how on earth did they allow it to happen being so far along. i was under the impression that they wont do it past 12 weeks unless medically necessary.

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Quoting [Mika]♥Lili's Mum:" im so sorry you had to go through that. i just have to ask, if you really live in australia, how on ... [snip!] ... it to happen being so far along. i was under the impression that they wont do it past 12 weeks unless medically necessary. "

Yes I live In western australia. It was done at marie stopes international centre in Midland, Perth.
it cost over $1000 and apparently they do it up until 20 weeks gestation.
After that they will only do it if medically necessary at King edward memorial hospital for women.

There are other abortion clinics in Perth that only terminate pregnancies up until 12 weeks, some are extended till 15 weeks. but Marie stopes cut off his 20 weeks. the further along the higher the cost too.

Quoting Alannah Pimm:" I survived having an abortion. Just. I never thought I would recover but I did. Physically I survived. ... [snip!] ... grabbing it with both hands and never letting go, But I wont ever forget what I went through on the 20/11/2010 at 17 weeks."

I am so sorry you had to go through that, I hope you and your baby will do fantastically now anyway! Best wishes too you, you are a very strong person.

we had ours on the same day :[ I feel your pain sweetie. but we have so much to live for now with the path we chose.

I just cried my eyes out, reading this. I'm so sorry it was so hard for you hun. Just remember, it made you stronger. Congrats on the little boy!

I just seen that there was a forum for this kind of thing.
So I decided to write what happened to me to help anyone else who something similar may have happened to them. To show that you can get through it.
It was so hard its still hard to think about today.
I cant even talk about it to people, if someone asks me about it I will still cry.

I am just so glad that I got another chance. For a while I had thoughts that I wouldnt be able to ever have a baby again. I was scared the termination might have done something to me since the gestation it was performed at. But luckily it hasnt.
I cant wait to have my little boy in my arms. everything I went through will be worth it then.

That brought tears to my eyes just reading it. I'm sorry you were forced to go through all that.
You're such a strong woman for being able to go through all that and I'm sure you'll be an amazing mom.

You're kind of a inspiration to me now. With you going through all that, surviving and now seemingly having it all together and starting a family, it gives me a bit of hope for me. Thank you for sharing your story.

I wish you the best of luck with your baby boy and your life.

Quoting Kellen:" That brought tears to my eyes just reading it. I'm sorry you were forced to go through all that. You're ... [snip!] ... gives me a bit of hope for me. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best of luck with your baby boy and your life

It was really hard getting myself back together.
For awhile I was just a lost cause, I would sleep all day nothing to wake up to.
My family didnt understand, They just ignored what I had been through, like it was nothing, like the baby was nothing that it never existed. But all I wanted was to have someone that understood what happened. My mother was the worst she just treated me like what was my problem it was nothing it was easy to do you should be over this and just put me down even further.

Then I just realised I cant go back in time and get my baby. I thought that my baby wouldnt want me to be like this. I just carried on my life as best I could. and it might seem strange having another pregnancy so close to such an awful termination, but it has actually helped me heal emotionally. I will never be completly over what happened, but having this baby has helped me alot. something else to concentrate on and look forward to the future.

Hi I've never had an Abortion and don't plan to ever have one but I am always supportive and compassionate to anyone and all choices and experiences so I am sorry for you going through such a tough time. Also just wanted to point out I live in SA and I did know someone here who had an Abortion at 20 weeks so I'm not sure what the cut off time is exactly but yeh it does happen later than a lot of people expect.

Quoting Melz 85:" Hi I've never had an Abortion and don't plan to ever have one but I am always supportive and compassionate ... [snip!] ... Abortion at 20 weeks so I'm not sure what the cut off time is exactly but yeh it does happen later than a lot of people expect."

Yeah most people dont realise that abortions can be performed past 12 weeks. Although majority of them are done before 12 weeks there are still alot that are done after then.

Your story made me cry  

Good Luck :]