Usually when my LO is taking a nap im cleaning or cooking. I feel like a wife from the old days this is not how I ever pictured myself. Its not like I HAVE to do it but I feel that since my SO works I should be doing something at home too, but my SO only works 3 days a week if that and its like pulling teeth trying to get him to get his face outta some sort of screen whether it be his phone or the computer or the tv. But I'll definitly have to talk to him about how i'm feeling I hate putting my hands on my LO out of anger and I hate yelling at him but I just feel as if he's not listening to me I know he understands the word "NO" he's heard it since he was 6 months old. and we went out and spent over $150 in baby gates and my LO has mastered the art of climbing over them.

Quoting BG Secrets:" Usually when my LO is taking a nap im cleaning or cooking. I feel like a wife from the old days this ... [snip!] ... he was 6 months old. and we went out and spent over $150 in baby gates and my LO has mastered the art of climbing over them."

no six month old child understands "no" like you and i do.

they start to truly learn to understand "no" as a word, after their first year.

but even still, it doesn't have the same meaning to them -- it simply means mommy or daddy are saying no, not they they should then "obey".

we'd all do well to realize that toddlers/infants/babies simply aren't on the same level as us at all -- and to get frustrated when they fail to "behave", is to believe they're more able than they actually are.

they're simply trying to figure this fascinating world out.

and moms stuck at home alone w/ their wee children all day NEED support from their partners when they get home.

hang in there mom, you're on the right track by seeking help!

Quoting BG Secrets:" Usually when my LO is taking a nap im cleaning or cooking. I feel like a wife from the old days this ... [snip!] ... he was 6 months old. and we went out and spent over $150 in baby gates and my LO has mastered the art of climbing over them."

RE: SO-
honestly, if hes only working 3 days a week, he needs to get off his ass and be an adult, and a parent, and a partner.

Besides that though- when you talk to him, maybe offer an option? Like "I need help with the house, and the baby. Which would be easiest for you?"

I know that sounds weird, but heres why:
My hubs LOVES his child, a million billion times over. But multitasking is not his thing, at all, and sometimes initiative isnt his thing either. So if I tell him I need help with the house, its easier for him, because those are really clear-cut things: he always does the trash, the dishes, a lot of vacuuming, the gardens, and walking the dogs.

That frees me up to not have to deal, so I can get some down time when Addison is asleep.....

And with her, he always does bath time. Its a clear cut "thing that needs to be done", that hes willing to do, and frees up time for me as well- I know that every night, I have about 30 minutes to clean up after dinner, or whatever, so once she goes to bed, I dont have to do it.

That was long winded, but you get my point? It seems to help to give him specifics. Hes more than happy to be involved, if hes knows exactly what needs to be done. But "i need help with the house/baby" doesnt get me far, because hes willing, but not sure what that specifically entails.

RE: monkey kid-
Hes right on the edge of really understanding things, and knowing how to respond. I think if you can get some time "off" from dealing with it, youll find it doesnt bother you as much when it does happen because youre not so stressed and tired.

And then, do you put him in time out? At 18mo, he could be in time out for a minute, minute and a half. If every time he climbed over a gate, he was put in time out- you would have one really smurffy day of LOTS of time outs, when you first start, but pretty quickly he would probably learn its not worth it to climb.

I don't know how active this is anymore, but I need to update and vent.
Back in the beginning, I shared my story about my uncle.

He was arrested at 2:30 this morning for 3 counts of sexual battery against me and my sister. He's going to be in jail all weekend. Now his daughter (my cousin who I love dearly) is giving me so much smurf, calling me and texting me and telling me not to do this and not to hurt the family. She's a complete hysterical mess.

I feel like a major piece of smurf, but I know this has to be done.

Quoting to mock a killingbird:" I don't know how active this is anymore, but I need to update and vent. Back in the beginning, I shared ... [snip!] ... not to hurt the family. She's a complete hysterical mess. I feel like a major piece of smurf, but I know this has to be done."

*hugs* I am so, so sorry hun. You are NOT a piece of smurf, NOTHING is your fault, not one single bit of it is. Your cousin will come to terms with this, hopefully.

Quoting CallMeMoses:" *hugs* I am so, so sorry hun. You are NOT a piece of smurf, NOTHING is your fault, not one single bit of it is. Your cousin will come to terms with this, hopefully."

 

<blockquote><b>Quoting CallMeMoses:</b>" *hugs* I am so, so sorry hun. You are NOT a piece of smurf, NOTHING is your fault, not one single bit of it is. Your cousin will come to terms with this, hopefully."</blockquote>




I hope so. The is no one I have idolized more than her. She's 10 years older than me but we were so close. It tears me up inside to see her this hurt. Seeing her makes me remember why I never told anyone. But I have a baby cousin who is babysat I that house everyday, and I can't let anything happen to him. She's definitely trying hard to skew my perspective though. She even tried bargaining with me.

That really made me feel worthless.

Quoting to mock a killingbird:" <blockquote><b>Quoting CallMeMoses:</b>" *hugs* I am so, so sorry hun. You are NOT ... [snip!] ... definitely trying hard to skew my perspective though. She even tried bargaining with me. That really made me feel worthless."

shes just hurt and lashing out, because no matter what, its her dad.

give her some time to just be angry and scared...... those feelings will pass, and when they do, she will see clearly, and her horror will be FOR you, not TO you.

I'm trying to find a local (and free) support group for people like me who have gone through child abuse. Now that i have children of my own, I'm having a hard time getting through the past.
Does anyone know how I find a group like that?

Quoting Peace.Hope.Love:" I'm trying to find a local (and free) support group for people like me who have gone through child abuse. ... [snip!] ... that i have children of my own, I'm having a hard time getting through the past. Does anyone know how I find a group like that?"

I don't but if you want to PM me ever, I can offer some sort of support.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 3LittleMonkeys:</b>" I don't but if you want to PM me ever, I can offer some sort of support."</blockquote>
Thank you!

Quoting Peace.Hope.Love:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 3LittleMonkeys:</b>" I don't but if you want to PM me ever, I can offer some sort of support."</blockquote> Thank you!"

how are the babies? I think having twins amplifies any feelings you may have. If that makes sense?

Quoting 3LittleMonkeys:" how are the babies? I think having twins amplifies any feelings you may have. If that makes sense? "

They are good, talking like crazy. Of course the terrible two's have hit and man, I don't even know who these kids are anymore! I guess I just need to know that you can come from being abused, and your children will turn out perfectly fine..I am not continuing the cycle because I refuse to, but it's constantly in my mind that I'm going to mess up my children.

Quoting Peace.Hope.Love:" They are good, talking like crazy. Of course the terrible two's have hit and man, I don't even know who ... [snip!] ... fine..I am not continuing the cycle because I refuse to, but it's constantly in my mind that I'm going to mess up my children."

The 2's are horrible. It took everything I had in me to survive but I think we are finally coming out the other side now that they are 3. It's tough. BUT, you can stop the cycle. There's no reason you'll have to abuse them. There are so many other ways to deal with toddlers. It's just a matter of trying them and finding which works best for you 3. And, what works for 1 of them might not for the other. I have full faith in you that you will not put your babies through what you went through. I feel that way mainly because you are so determined to not do so. You're a great parent for even being aware of the risk that you may. Don't give in. It's a serious challenge dealing with two rotten toddlers but if you can remind yourself of them in their glory, you can get through the times where you just want to run away and hide. Remember their smiles. Remind yourself how good it feels to see them happy and love on them. You'll be fine and I know you'll do the best you can.

Quoting Peace.Hope.Love:" I'm trying to find a local (and free) support group for people like me who have gone through child abuse. ... [snip!] ... that i have children of my own, I'm having a hard time getting through the past. Does anyone know how I find a group like that?"

where do you really live? Ill do some research for you if you want....