still needing words of comfort ...
posted 2nd Nov '11
"I was in love! <3 With, the best guy in the world! He taught me how to fish, go off roading, hunt!! So many things I never thought I'd be doing!! We would be able to have a confortable silent moment!! He was perfect in every way that a guy can be perfect!!
I come from a very traditional hispanic family. No dating until you finish school! You can't leave the house until the day you get married! You must be a virgin the day of your wedding!
But I fell in love!! You can't tell your heart what to do!! It happens!! We ended up pregnant.
Had I finished school? Nope, have one more year to go of Graduate School.
Was I married? Nope, and no longer a virgin.
Our plan was to move in together!
We were in love! And pregnant! What more can I ask for!?
My family thought other wise. In their eyes, he had "stolen" me and ruined my life. A baby is a gift! This baby is our gift! From God! Created with love!
Daniel and I tried talking to my family. Didn't turn out as expected. Everything went wrong that night. Dad got upset and started name calling. Daniel got upset as well. Next thing I know, I'm on the floor crying, my sister is on the phone with the cops, mom is holding dad back, and Daniel is outside yelling "COME OUT SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS SmUrfING OLD MAN!"
Why won't my family just be happy for me!?
Daniel blames my family. He has gone to my house twice, and broken car windows, and dented dad's truck with a rock. He has stolen my dogs. He has come to my work place and created a scene. I was told by my supervisor that if he comes one more time, I would lose my job. There are several police reports against him.
Months later, I find myself where I am today.
Dad refuses to look at any ultra sound pictures. Daniel has "moved on" and is now living with another girl, sharing the bed that he had once said belonged to me, raising her child.
If I get a text from him, its just to tell me that he goes and sleeps with random girls before going home to Jessica, that all girls are "whores", that I taught him that, "why treat them good" he says, and to demand I tell him when I am due.
I love him to death! And going to bed at night alone hurts as hell! I can't get the image of him sleeping with her! He said he loved me! And now he wants nothing to do with me and this baby that is coming to this world in 2 weeks! I just want to close my eyes and all this be a nightmare! Wake up by his side!
He has threatend that I don't deserve this child and that he will take her away, that he will get an attorney. That the court will give him custody because he has a house and a car and I still live with my parents.
I felt so stupid yesterday at a New Born Care class! Everyone had their husbands/boyfriends there and I was the only dork without a partner! Saturday I am going to a Delivery class and the instructor told us to take our partners! I don't have one! I am all alone.
His sister and mom keep messaging me in FB saying that they want to be part of this baby's life. I want him there the day I deliver soooo bad but at the same time I'm scared that he will create a scene or something.
I know he isn't happy with Jessica. He texted me 2 weeks ago asking me if I could send him a picture of me and the belly, that it would cheer him up. I did! I still love him! I thought I would invite him to my next ultrasound! But he said he had better things to do.
I get soo mad sometimes and just want to hurt him and this Jessica with her little boy! I've gone and asked at court what I can do for child support! I was told that since I don't have insurance and have been a self pay, that there is a possibility to make him pay 50% of all medical bills, and if he refuses, that the court would seize his assets! But then other times, I fall! I begged him like an idiot this passed weekend, asking him why we can't be together if we know we both love each other!
Just a heart broken mommy to be needing some words of comfort ....."
That was me 2 months ago. Today. I have a beautiful 2 month old baby girl by myside! She is my everything! But things still aren't going well.
Due to my diabetes, I was told my the DR that I was going to get labor induced. I went in on a Tuesday for a routine check up and the DR admitted me that afternoon to the hospital. They started all the things necessary to get labor started. Once it had started, there were complications. Baby's heart would stop beating everytime i would get a contraction. DR ordered an emergency c-section. The love of my life was born on Sept 8th at 122am.
my baby girl was born with cleft pallete and cleft foot. she was having a hard time breathing on her own. the hospital that i delivered at is very small, and they didn't have the equipment needed to help her breathe, so she had to get transferred to another city, 45 min away. they day she was born, i was unable to hold her. she got transferred right away, and i just saw as they wheeled her away, i didn't get to see or hold her. i got frustrated, she was at another hospital. i got released from the hospital sunday night. 4 days after she was born i was finally able to see her. she was at the NICU. sedated because she had a tube down her throat that was helping her breath. connected to all sorts of machines. i was unable to hold her. it broke my heart!
Daniel knew I had diabetes, and he knew i was going to be getting labor induced. when i checked in at the hospital to give birth, i asked to be registered at "private", i didn't want daniel or his family to know that i was having the baby. somehow, they found out.
the day i gave birth, him and his sister showed up, and all he had to say to me was "you look skinny". the sister told me that the mother wanted to see the baby, and i told him that she wasn't there, that she had gotten transferred to another hospital. they left. the DR came in so my family went outside to the lobby while i talked to him. well, daniel returned with his family. my family was in the lobby. daniel jumped and started attacking my dad, saying that he was going to kill him. that my dad was keeping his baby away from him. securtiy had to get called and they escorted daniel and his family outside.
when the birth certificate lady came, i didn't add him. she has my name and only i appear on the birth certificate. this was MY choice.
he had been sending me threats and black mailing over text. i went and talked to an attorney and he said that there is no judge in this world that would give him custody of my baby just because. i am the mother, she is my daughter. i just want what is best for her.
he keeps saying that he is going to kill my dad, that i will be seeing bullets flying through my windows.
he told me "next guy you mess around with, tell him your a diabetic bitch you has smurfed up babies"
MY BABY IS NOT SmUrfED UP!! SHE IS PERFECT!!
i did not let him meet her when she was in the hospital.
she got realeased 20 days later. she is perfect.
he called me saying he had a "sex vid" of us. that if i didn't let him see her, that he was going to show that to my family, my co workers, my supervisor and all my friends. i fell. i don't want to loose my job. i need my job. he met her for the first time last week. we met at a carls jr and i let him see her for a couple of minutes. it was like 30 minutes maybe. 3 days later he tells me he wants to see her again, but that this time i HAVE to take her to his house. uhh i don't trust him. he has told me he is going to take her away from me. that he wants to hurt me. seriously, i was not going to go behind close doors with him. i said no and told him to do whatever he wanted to do. he then texts me saying that he sin't going to hurt me even though i deserve it. well, to me that means he was lying about the vid. there is no vid.
he has told me he is doing cocaine, drinking, having random sex. last week, he told me he was going to kill him self.
i went to school, got a bachelors in finance and i am currently working at the university. i tried applying for medicaid for my baby and we dont qualify because "i make too much" $30,000 a year.
my baby has been getting weekly treatmeants for her cleft foot. she will be getting surgery for her cleft pallete. i applied for insurance at work, and got accepted, but they won't cover everything, i will be paying for part of everything. i am getting bills non stop daily in the mail. i still have bills that i owe from when i was pregnant.
i told daniel that he needed to help me with bills, and he said he was going to remain unemployed for a couple of years, said that if he didn't work, he didn't have to pay child support.
he is now texting me saying that he has a lawyer. that she told him that "i am a bad mother" because i am keeping her away from him. how does that make me a bad mother? i don't feel safe around him. he said he is going to fight for her and that the judge is going to give him custody because she is going to be better off with him. how is she going to be better of with a suicidal, alcoholic, cocaine / drug user, unemployed smurf she has as a father?! there is no way!
what would you do? still needing words of confort ......