feeling hopeless? read me

I know I’m young but my walk to motherhood has been harder and beyond anything I ever imagined I would be called to do. None the less I know I was chosen to be an angel mother. It began almost six years ago, being only a senior in high school, I found myself pregnant with my first son. And as many of you here today, I too heard those heart wrenching words that shattered our dream of soon becoming a mother, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.” And I looked up at the sonogram screen of a once before flickering heart, that was now still. Just four days away from his due date my son Jayden Noah was silently born on October 10, 2006. I never dreamed I would be burying my son, but I did.
Then in December of 2008, after being married for a little over a year to Jayden’s father, we miscarried only a few weeks in. I acknowledged it as God saying it wasn’t quite my time yet, and I continued on still with much hope I was going to be a mother one day.
Then on our two year wedding anniversary we became pregnant with our second son. Little did we know our nightmare was about to play out again. Once again, only four days away from our due date, our son Tucker Steven was silently born on February 3, 2010. In shock and in tears I remembered thinking; I knew I could do this again, only because I had done it before. We then buried our son with his older brother in that small cornered section of the cemetery known as “baby land.” New fears now set into my heart, “was I really even meant to be a mother at all”. I’ve learned that angel mom’s seem to have the deepest desire to be mothers, not because it’s been our greatest challenge in life to get there but because God specially made us to have that desire to keep us going. And now my desire was stronger than ever.
Only nine short months later I took the hardest step in my life to try one more time. And although every day I knew it could end once again by burying my now third unborn son, in my eyes the dream of being a mother was worth the chance. Doctors couldn’t tell me why my otherwise perfectly healthy babies didn’t make it into this world but they could never tell me that it wasn’t possible. I knew there was always room in Heaven for such a tiny soul, but there was none left in my heart, and I hung on to the hope that I would become an earthly mom this time. This summer on June 17th, the silence of a lifeless angel in my arms was broken by the most beautiful cry I have ever heard. I had dreamed of this day so many times, and I cried tears of joy as I held my son Noah James in my arms for the first time. Although I am not here to say I know God’s will for you in your life, I’m here to say that there’s one thing for certain, “with God all things are possible.”

So sorry for your losses but happy you finally got your miracle!

Hugs!

Your story really touched my heart. I'm so happy you have your little man in your arms, and I'm sorry for your losses. <3

What a heartbreaking thing to go through! I'm so glad you got your miracle baby! You are an amazingly strong person!

What a beautiful story. I hope this has inspired someone who has lost hope. I really felt your emotions while reading this. Thank you for sharing. Only the most special moms are chosen to have children on Earth and in Heaven. I lost my son Micah a mere 10 days from my due date on 02/16/2004 and I now have a gorgeous 3 year old princess.

Wow you are a really strong women! Hugs*

That was a very beautiful story...I am really happy you finally got your little boy  

Beautiful Magen. You have been through so much and have leaned on God through the whole process, you are truly an amazing person. So thankful for sweet Noah! =]

Wow. This really touched me. You are such a strong indivisual.

Thanks for all the support you guys... my dream is to reach out to other angel moms or anyone for that matter and inspire them to turn thier pain into purpose. Ive always had such a strong desire to speak out to others but I suck at public speaking, but writing I feel Im rather good at. Tomorrow a pothographer is going to tape me telling my story and how it's built my faith, like a "I Am Second" video... Im freaking out! Hopefully I can tell it and say everything thats on my heart. Wish me luck, maybe it could take off on youtube and start something amazing  

I am late but you is so right all things are possible with God.

Your story gives me hope. Thank you and I'm so sorry for your losses.

I'm sorry for your losses and so happy you got your son Noah.
You truly touched my heart and gave some inspiration.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Miracle Mommy Magen:</b>" I know I’m young but my walk to motherhood has been harder and beyond anything I ever imagined I would ... [snip!] ... I know God’s will for you in your life, I’m here to say that there’s one thing for certain, “with God all things are possible.”"</blockquote>


I can relate about worrying/wanting to be a mother soo bad. Although I didn't have to have 2 silently born babies, I'm so sorry for your losses & happy that you got your son in your arms.! congratulations!

after my uncle and aunt lost their first daughter 6 years ago i will never forget that pain i felt of losing our little angel. im almost 19 weeks with my first child and im terrified of losing it everyday. your story is amazing and its amazing that you kept trying that im sure would take so much. you are an amazing mother. wow is really all i can say. congrats to you and your family.