re: The Healing Process

Quoting shelleybelly (99 days tg):“ Yes! My daughter and my growing baby are going to have very different upbringings to mine. Although ... [snip!] ... My Chloe is 9 and so far, I have, I hope done a good job and sheltered her from the things she doesn't need to see and know.”

Oh yeah im hoping to give Amory the life I never had. She will be able to talk to me, and I will share my stories with her, and I only have positive things to give her out of a negative past.

I was repeatedly molested and raped by my step-brother. It haunted me for years. It doesnt bother me as much know, what really bothers me, is that he had gotten me pregnant and my father forced me to have an abortion ( I was only 13 ) and I'm deathly afraid that this will cause complications in my pregnancy because I was pretty far along. (about 5 mos.) They basically had to induce me using cervical dialators. (the MOST painful thing i've ever been through) I have intense fears that this weakened my cervix or that there is scar tissue that will affect the baby... It scares me so much..

Quoting MRSH0LLYWO0D:“ I turned into a ball of tears when I read your replies   I did come out to my family when I was 12 and ... [snip!] ... that so many people have been abused and that justs builds up my anger for men... Wat the hell is wrong with me?????!!!!!!”

Your biggest problem is a refusal to do anything about your feelings. This is not meant as something to hurt you, but its a big dose of reality...
Things happen to people that they can't control. Things that have happened to you are horrible things... BUT, you CAN get through it. Waking up everyday and saying "Oh woes me....I just want it to go away" thats not going to work.
You made a post looking for help and healing, but everytime someone offers advice or help to you, you have an excuse. Its okay if somethings don't work for you, but you have to be willing to take control of your own life and give help an HONEST try. Its going to hurt, its going to be embarassing, its going to be uncomfortable... but its not going to be that way forever. You have to actually WORK through those feelings you stuffed down for years. If you don't make up your own mind and say "TODAY I am in control of MY OWN life!" and go in with a brave face... and try to say that everyday and mean it.... well... Your demons are going to follow you to the grave.
And you will miss out on so many great experiences because you were to busy hiding from your old ones. You have kids now and they deserve a parent who is willing to help them by helping themselves.
You are that strong. Don't lie to yourself and say that your not. The fact that you continue to take that next breath should tell you that you want to have a real life.
So get up.
Stop making the excuses.
Call someone who can help you. Keep calling and talking until you find a PERSON who works for you to speak with. Not all counselors are the same, sometimes yo gotta try them out a couple times before you find out if its working or not.
No more asking "what is wrong with me?" you are using that as an escape mechanism. Its time to stand up and fight back.

Quoting MommyMeri:“ Your biggest problem is a refusal to do anything about your feelings. This is not meant as something ... [snip!] ... or not. No more asking "what is wrong with me?" you are using that as an escape mechanism. Its time to stand up and fight back.”

As a drug and alcohol therapist who frequently works with women who have been sexually abused, I couldn't have said it better myself. Please remember that we teach people how to treat us and we should never give an abuser the power to control our lives. Please continue seeking help until you find someone you feel comfortable with. However, YOU have to do all the work and it will be a painful but liberating experience. Don't ever give up on yourself!

Quoting 1st time June mom:“ As a drug and alcohol therapist who frequently works with women who have been sexually abused, I couldn't ... [snip!] ... with. However, YOU have to do all the work and it will be a painful but liberating experience. Don't ever give up on yourself!”

I had a very serious drug problem... and I would still have one to this day if I hadn't finally become tired of the life I was living and decided to do something about it. And it sucked for awhile... Gallons of tears, facing my own problems, facing my own fears, and facing what I was doing to the people around me who I loved really HURT. I hurt so badly when I was talking about those things... I would feel completely lost and alone in the moments where I would talk about things that had happened or that I had done.... but the second I was done letting it out, I felt better. And every session was like that, only over the course of a few months, I wasn't crying as much... it wasn't as raw... it wasn't as painful... soon it was simply just a memory... and eventually I could say "Hey, I did this and that, and this and that happened, and it really hurt..." but it didn't hurt anymore.... I didn't have to cry or stuff back tears...
You have to look at helping yourself in the same way you look at deep cleaning a house....
If your house hasn't been cleaned in YEARS, odds are you have piles of things that need to be thrown out, nooks and crannys that need to be dusted and cobwebs taken down.... But in order to get that house clean, you have to sort through the mess first... Which means, its going to get MORE messy for awhile...Its intimidating, its overwhelming, but you KNOW it has to be done....
You pull things out of place and toss them into piles of "keep" and "toss" you remove books from shelves, and dust and mop and really scrub, then you put back all the good things you have decided to keep... they each go into their perspective place in your house where they belong...
After lots of hard work and maybe some moments of questioning "Do I really want to throw out this pair of Polyester carpenter pants that I wore when I was 14??? " You do it! You get it clean....

And instantly, you feel better, more accomplished, and free....

Quoting MommyMeri:“ I had a very serious drug problem... and I would still have one to this day if I hadn't finally become ... [snip!] ... that I wore when I was 14??? " You do it! You get it clean.... And instantly, you feel better, more accomplished, and free....”

You always know what to say. I think you are a very intelligent woman, Mer.

And of course, you are right.  

Quoting shelleybelly (99 days tg):“ You always know what to say. I think you are a very intelligent woman, Mer. And of course, you are right.  ”

hey thanks. I try to spend more time being right than wrong these days  hahaha!

Quoting MRSH0LLYWO0D:“ I turned into a ball of tears when I read your replies   I did come out to my family when I was 12 and ... [snip!] ... that so many people have been abused and that justs builds up my anger for men... Wat the hell is wrong with me?????!!!!!!”

It is hard in certain cultures. A friend of mine was raped by her cousin and when she finally spoke up and said something her family told her she must have done something to want it. This was a mexican family where basically family is everything. She told a teacher at school who told the police and she had to come back and tell everyone it was a lie. I was involved in a date rape situation that I also turned to alcohol afterwards. There was so much stuff going on in my life at that time and this guy took total advantage of the fact I was drinking and he put something in my drink. Luckily I don't remember anything from that night well sometimes that isn't a good thing because I dont know what all he did to me. I jsut remember waking up in a pool of blood the next morning. I was angry for so long and it was part of the reason for the demise of my last relationship. I know that eventually i will tell McKenzie about it because I want her to know the risk is there and you never what peoples intentions are. I went to school with this guy since I was 5 and after I passed out in bed he told my best friend he was checking on me and raped me in the bedroom. I trust that my fiance will never do anything to harm our daughter but as someone else said if she ever tells me somebody touched her inappropriately I will believe her 100%. Luckily I know the signs to look for in children who have been sexually abused and I pray to god that is not something my child ever has to deal with.

That's just horrible! Your a strong woman because it happened when you were older...and for some reason I feel the older you are when it happens, the harder it is to go through it. Because everyone says when your a child you cant do anything about it, but when your older "you should know better".... trust me I've been told I lied to by my own mother after she cried when I told her. I'm just glad that a lot of us can get through it... and I hope that those that cant, stay strong and see that in the end it will get better...  

I was raped about 6 years ago, I was 13 at the time. The guy decided to lock me in his room and tied me down. I didn't think I would EVER see my family or friends again. The whole time my life was flashing before my eyes and even my own funeral...I definitely thought I was going to die at that point. But for some reason he dropped meoff atthe Dunkin Donuts on Cranston Street and I ran until I got to my BFF's house. I told her and her older sister but I told them not to say anything. The next day at school they happened 2 be talkin about rape and I burst out in tears. My teacher removed me from the room and I just blurred it all out and she took me 2 the school psychiatrsit. The psychiatrist called my parents who came in right away and she told them what had happened. My parents dismissed me from school and brought me 2 Women and Infants 2 get a rape kit done(and 2 take the morning after pill), the police showed up, and some counseler from a sexual assault center came 2 talk 2 me. Needless 2 say, I knew the guy and gave the detective all his info...a year later the detective came back wit a photo lineup and I couldn't pick him out. I told the detective to drop the case because he obviously couldn't do his job right, and I was with my now fiancee and pregnant with my son. I just wanted 2 moveon and start my family. I'm still fucked up in the head and anytime it seems like someone is trying 2 hold me down I freak out. I just thank god everyday that my life was spared, even though my dignity was taken. I have grown stronger from that experience and I won't ever let it happen again.