Question? possibly touchy....

Hi everyone, I have a question /issue that I am seeking some support on. I suffered a miscarriage on 1/30, at 6 weeks 4 days. I have been very sad and distraught the last few weeks (obviously) anyway, I have a group of Mom friends that I am close with and I consider many of these women my closest friends. So with that in mind I was expressing my grief and sadness to them both in our group email list and on my myspace. Well, one of the girls who I thought was a good friend, sent me the cruelest email I have ever gotten. She was pissed at me and said that my calling this miscarriage an angel baby was a slap in the face to "true mothers of angel babies". she lost a twin at 3 months to SIDS. Now of course I respect and understand that is a horrific loss and my heart breaks for her. But, she sends me this message and basically says I am an awful person, disrespectful and she is disgusted by me "claiming" to have an angel baby. Her words...no heartbeat no baby. I meant no disrespect to her and I had no idea that there were criteria or rules in defining an angel baby. I did apologize to her for hurting or offending her, but at the same time....I am devastated right now and grieving deeply over this loss and to have someone who I thought was my friend attack me like that and I say I disgust her just breaks my heart. For me (and this is just me) Life begins at conception and in my heart it was my baby, regardless of the stage he/she was at when I lost him/her. I don't know maybe I am wrong. Was I out of line by using the term? I was only trying to express my grief and loss over this miscarriage, and now I feel like I am a fool or an idiot for it. I don't really know what I am looking for I was am just so hurt and confused right now........thanks for listening.

I don't think that you were wrong at all. I am so sorry for your loss. <hugs>

You're not in the wrong here. No matter at what stage you lose your baby, it still hurts and you still have the right and need to grieve. I don't know why she got so upset about you using that term, but she doesn't sound like a very good friend, imo. I would just cut her out of your life and find true friends to support you during this difficult time. I am sorry for your loss!

Im so sorry for your loss, but I also believe life begins at conception and you have every right to call your baby an angel. We are all equal in Gods eyes and that is your baby. I hope you start feeling better soon.

I don't think you can classify suffering. That's like saying that I shouldn't miss my grandmother as much after she died because she lived longer than your grandma. I think loss is defined by the person experiencing it. Your friend is probably just upset because she is in terrible pain like you and lashing out at others as a part of her grief. I am sorry to hear about your loss and surely if you think of the baby you lost as an angel, you are right to do so.

Quoting Calliesmommy27:“ Hi everyone, I have a question /issue that I am seeking some support on. I suffered a miscarriage on ... [snip!] ... for it. I don't really know what I am looking for I was am just so hurt and confused right now........thanks for listening.”

Wow she was jumpy down your throat, A loss of life can happen at any stage, I am sorry you went through that and I am sorry that she is immuture to see your hurting.

Quoting nurselisa_99:“ I don't think you can classify suffering. That's like saying that I shouldn't miss my grandmother as ... [snip!] ... her grief. I am sorry to hear about your loss and surely if you think of the baby you lost as an angel, you are right to do so.”

agreed

Quoting Calliesmommy27:“ Hi everyone, I have a question /issue that I am seeking some support on. I suffered a miscarriage on ... [snip!] ... for it. I don't really know what I am looking for I was am just so hurt and confused right now........thanks for listening.”

nope, you're not wrong. She sound like a little bit of a nut. Uh and i mean that in the most respectful way.   She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

I don't think you were out of line at all, by referring to your baby as an angel baby. All babies go to heaven when they die, regardless of gestational age or otherwise. I have suffered through 3 miscarriages myself--the first two occurred at 7 and 8 weeks and my most recent loss (April 07) occurred at 14.5 weeks. I, too, believe that life begins at conception andall of these losses hurt me just as deeply. I think your "friend" may still be grieving and it is understandable for her to be on the touchy side. I wouldn't take it to heart too much. As long as you know that you do have an angel baby and your loss is just as significant, then that is all that matters. Take care and I'm so sorry for your loss. God Bless

Many ladies who have lost children due to miscarriage call their babies angels (including me) . A loss at any stage in life wrecks havic on the parent's emotions. I don't think you can, and that it's not fair to, compair losses. Everyone greives differently and in their own way. She was wrong to jump down your throat, and at the same time it indicates that she's still grieving for her own loss.


I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

That's absolutey horrible!! I'm so so so sorry for your loss, and you have EVERY Right to be sad. There is no critera for an angel....your hurt is valid, and this woman has no right to tell you otherwise. Hang in there.

you are not wrong in any way!i believe a baby starts w/conception as well.i had a miscarriage and i thought it as a baby..my baby..regardless what someone told me.she is no friend if she has a comment like that to say rather than support!

No you were not in the wrong for refering to your baby as an angel. I'm sure that your friend is hurting as well and for some reason couldn't see your grief as well. I would definitely tell her how much her comments hurt you.

I have to agree with the general opinion i dont believe that you were out of line at all because it seems to me that someone that takes up enough time to be so cruel to lash out because you acknowledged your child as an angel baby really isnt paying enough attention to her other child a miscarriage hurts everyone no matter how far along you are considering im only a week further along then that and i have heard the heartbeat of my baby i would be extremely devasted if i had a miscarriage how dare she be cruel to you she still has the other child which is the best blessing that god could have given her its bad enough to lose one child why be so cruel to others.. noone knows why a child dies we can only hope that its peaceful and should ban together it seems your friend should seek some professional help she isnt coping correctily

That was horrendous of her to send you that message after you got done pouring out your heart. I lost my baby at 8 weeks, and I still refer to my baby as my "Angel". Just because you didn't get to hear/see a heartbeat, doesn't mean anything. I fell in love with my child the minute I saw the plus sign show up on that pregnancy test. Just because I never got to hear his/her heartbeat doesn't mean that he/she wasn't my child. I am sorry for you loss, and don't listen to her. You are the mother of an angel baby, no matter what anyone says.