I need some helpful advice...

This may be long so PLEASE bear with me....
I need some advice on how to deal with my MIL. We used to get along great but now she has been doing/saying things that I can not stand. I personally think there is alot of things that she does/says that is way out of line, and I would like some advice about how to handle it....Here is a list of things she has done/said that I just can not stand starting at when we told her I was pregnant...Keep in mind she is the only parent my husband has and we share a house right now...

1. She got mad that we waited to tell her at almost 5 months that I was pregnant, but it was becauseI had miscarried earlier in the year and didn't want anyone knowing incase the same thing happened(the first time everyone knew right away)!

2. Once she knew she wanted us to put the "nursery" up near her bedroom so that SHE could be closer to MY baby... 

3. She didn't want me nursing my daughter because she wanted to be able to come down during the nights and take her upstairs to her room, so she started saying everything and anything negative and mean about BF in hopes it would make me change my mind- it didn't!

4. When she was 1st born my MIL was coming down while we were all sleeping for the night and picking her up from between my husband and I(we co-sleep with amaya)...Of course this would wake my husband and I up instantly- I mean what parent wouldn't jump awake if someone was taking their baby in the middle of the nights. My husband put a stop to that Thank God!

5. If my husband was holding her she would come and take her away from him and that would have been the only time he would have seen my daughter before he left for work....Once when she did this she took her all the wayup into the living room to show her the christmas lights and my husband always kisses and tells her good-bye before he goes to work and this night he couldn't. Well when she brought her down to me about (5 minutes later) she had the NERVE to tell my baby that her daddy must not love her that much because she didn't even say good-bye to her!  Now she is not allowed to take my baby out of my site for saying that about my husband! ...

6. Instead of telling my newborn how much she loves her(like any grandparent I know does) and giving her hugs and kisses she was telling her about all the "mistakes" her father,/parents did (at least in her opinion-which would be anything not done HER WAY!) She is not going to wreck my child's persecptive(sp?) of us. Children thinking highly of their parents no matter what and she wrecked my stepsons view on his father by talking that way to him 

7. She thinks she should be allowed to claim our kids...My husband andI are the ones that pays for our kids, but she buys them alotof "gifts" and takes them out places(she does that with all her grandkids, except my baby because I won't let her have her), so I guess she figures she should get her money back at the end of the year for that....I am not quite sure. Of course, we don't allow her too because we use it to help are family just that much more...

And Last and I am sure not least ...

8.My daughter is almost 3 months old and for some reason SHE is already talking about what SHE is going to do for MY daughter's 1st Birthday!  I told my stepson (because he is the one that mentioned "grandma's plans" to me) that we would probably be up North visiting my parents for her birthday, and even if we are not I have EVERY intention of making my ownplans for her birthday- it's MY child and I already have ideas on what I want to do for her....

PLEASE if ANYONE has ANY advice I would greatly apperciate it!...I don't want my daughter to grow up being on of those disrespectful, mouthy, spoiled, kids who only want junk food and pizza.

Mae- sorry about your MIL. I dont have any advice really but I did want to tell you that you should tell her she can claim "gifts" on her itemized tax return lol. 

She seems very inconsiderate of you & your husband. I would tell her exactly how you feel about her & what you think. I would not put up with her at all. She can be in your daughters life without being up her ass. Is she jealous that you have a baby & she's most likely too old to have any more... so she's treating her grandkids as her own?

My only advice is to move out if you can afford it.
It seems that she is exacting control because it is her house and she feels she has the right. If you had your own place she would have no leverage to get her way.

Advice is to tell her what is up. Have your husband there and have him start the conversation. Let her know what is acceptable and what isn't. Treat her like a child and make her prove herself.

If she can't respect you and your wishes with YOUR daughter, then she obviously doesn't need to be in your daugther's life. Plain and simple!

Don't continue to put up with it. Don't allow your husband to continue to put up with it either. Also, tell her if she can't say anything nice to your daughter then she doesn't need to talk to your daughter at all.

Granted at 3 months your daughter doesn't understand the words that are coming out of her mouth...but that doesn't give her the right to be rude and disrespectful towards you and your husband...

You have to move out... Unfourtinatly if your in her house you can't do anything about it.. If your not, she may be nicer if she wants access to your kids.

My mom is kind of the same way. Grandmas love to spoil them. Some of the things you listedare pretty bad though. My kids are spoiled rotten to the core by my mom, and it is driving me crazy too. I tried not to say too much at first because she does help me alot, but now it is out of control. My daughter (4yrs) is to the point where EVERY time my mom comes through the door she says "nanny what did you buy me?" I have talked to my mom about it, so now my daughter knows to hide things from me when nanny buys her stuff. My son (10yrs) doesnt take care of things because he knows nanny will just buy him another one, which pisses me off to no extent!!! I wish I would have tried harder from the begining to put a stop to it.

My mother-in-law is the SAME way. Luckily-we don't have to live with her. The controlling, manipulating, and over-stepping boundaries will only stop when you put an end to it. That was a really hard thing for me to do-since I am normally a people-pleaser and I don't like confrontation-but it had to be done and I am still reinforcing it to this day.
You and your husband need to sit down-privately-and decide what bounadaries need to be set. Those will need to be the things that she is confronted with.

Also-I am not sure if this applies to your situation, but I was given really good advice once. I was told "let your no's be no and your yes's be yes" Meaning if you say no-then no matter what-even if it is out of line-do not change your mind or be a push over to this womanz2
You can do it!!!

Nov.Mommy- She gets someone to do it professionally every year so maybe she does...heck, maybe she is just money greedy...she wants to claim my 2 nephews too and my SIL is a single mom... 

We are saving up to move out that's what the taxmoney is going towards..and we pay our way here...we buy everything we need to live ourselves, and sometimes her's! We pay the utilities so she only has to pay the house payment. We each pay for are own phone lines...and sometimes she even uses are's because we have long distance. Not to mention she has Lupus so if she gets sick she refuses to go to the hospital until she can't even move from bed, so at those times she needs us close by....
and even when my hubby lived on his ex-gf she still did stuff like that...I was told (even by her) that my hubby and his gf at the time was running a little late on the way home and the kids beat them to the house but just as they got off she came to their house and said" they can't be standing there"(it was going to be 5 minutes max!) and she took the kids with her in their van and didn't call them or anything they were so worried and I would have been too!

Quoting Mae9406:“ Nov.Mommy- She gets someone to do it professionally every year so maybe she does...heck, maybe she is ... [snip!] ... and she took the kids with her in their van and didn't call them or anything they were so worried and I would have been too!”

I think you can only claim 2 kids, 3 max this year on your tax return. After that I think they are useless lol. I could be wrong though.

Yea you can only claim up to 3...but we only have 3! And one gets claimed by his momma and we only plan on having one more...so its not like we have "spare kids" for her to claim you know? I mean that would be different....

Soon2BeMomTo3- My 10 yr. stepson is the same way and it drives my husband CRAZY. We bought him a DS last yr. for christmas(we we're trying to make isa special christmas). I thought it was something to expensive for him because of how he is with things, but I caved to hubby. A few months later, he LOST IT  like it was no big deal, he didn't even care! We haven't bought him anything expensive since! Heck he even thought a pet was something you could easily replace because he would be "sad" and then grandma wouldreplace it with a new different pet of his choice.

I REALLY don't want my daughter growing up like that....I want her to know love not objects...if she is going to be "spoiled" it will be with LOVE! Funny thing is, she has never once told me daughter she has loved her, for that matter I have never heard her say it to anyone...Maybe its just me but I tell my baby that all the time, and my hubby is her baby...my family tells me it all the time...IDK maybe my family is just mushy....