re: Rape and Sexual Abuse Survivors Thread

I would like to post my story but while telling it its still hard not feeling like its my fault.. I kno that at the end of the day that its not my fault but sometimes you cant help your feeling..

has anyone else been abused by thier own father?

Quoting Hayley C.:" i'm gonna try to post my story. or at least a part, someone told me it helped them a lot. it might be ... [snip!] ... me and punched me a few more times and wiped the blood and stuff off themselves on my hair. thats all i can post right now"

I'm so sorry hun!  
You are an amazing person for getting through that, I don't know if I ever could.
I personally think that you should definitely tell someone about that because if you were 14 then those men will get in to A LOT of trouble for what they did to you! I'm sorry that has happened to you, and you are so strong for getting through it!

Quoting ~Meeka~ Noahs Mom:" I would like to post my story but while telling it its still hard not feeling like its my fault.. I kno ... [snip!] ... of the day that its not my fault but sometimes you cant help your feeling.. has anyone else been abused by thier own father?"

I'm sorry you feel like it's your fault.  
It sucks feeling like that, I do all the time especially since my own mother tells me it is.
I haven't been abused by my own father but I know family who has and it breaks my heart to think that a father could abuse their child.  

Quoting ~Meeka~ Noahs Mom:" I would like to post my story but while telling it its still hard not feeling like its my fault.. I kno ... [snip!] ... of the day that its not my fault but sometimes you cant help your feeling.. has anyone else been abused by thier own father?"

many women have... i haven't.

but i can tell you right now: you were a child. it is not your fault. you would never EVER have engaged in those behaviors w/out his intiation.

you were innocent and he shat all over that. i'm always so hurt for people abused by their own parents... what an intense violation and betrayal to have to live with.

it was NEVER EVER your fault.

Quoting Mara:" many women have... i haven't. but i can tell you right now: you were a child. it is not your fault. ... [snip!] ... abused by their own parents... what an intense violation and betrayal to have to live with. it was NEVER EVER your fault. "

   

Quoting One Lazy Bitch:" I'm so sorry hun!   You are an amazing person for getting through that, I don't know if I ever could. ... [snip!] ... to A LOT of trouble for what they did to you! I'm sorry that has happened to you, and you are so strong for getting through it!"

thank you!

so here my story ladies...

when i was 16 i was dating this spanish guy.. he told me he wanted me to have his baby.. when i got pregnant he left me.. should have known that was coming...
I wanted to keep the baby but i couldnt.. My older brothers gf paid for the abortion but told me i had to pay her back.. Mind you i was 16 w/out a job.. i looked for a job.. couldnt get a job..

Pryer to all this happening my dad n step mom started fighting alot n going thru a divorce.. i can honestly say my dad lost his mind.. he would talk to himself randomly in the hallway.. he was always yelling.. it was waaaay different from how he normally was..
about 4 or 5 months after she left he started tell me how pretty i was and sayin things that a dad should never say to his daughter.. ever..

now fast forward to after the abortion.. my brothers gf one day slapped me n told me she would smurf me up if i didnt get her $180.....

THIS IS WERE I SAY IT WAS MY FAULT...

Because of how i knew my father felt i told him he could do what he had been sayin to me if he would give me the money.. He didnt slap me and tell me go away.. he agreed like i knew he would..

it last i think about a year.. at about the half way mark i tried to kill myself.. took a whole bottle of alieve.. i was taken to mental instatution.. they tried to get me to tell them what was going on but i never told anyone.. after about three or four weeks there they let me go home.. i can say maybe about a week being home it started again.. If i wanted to go with friends or with my new bf he would make me give him head.. yes gross i kno.. sorry if tmi..

One day i was at school n just the thought of goin home made me cry.. my best friend was with me and i finally told her what was going on.. she couldnt even comprehend what i was telling her at first.. she just didnt understand what i was sayin at all and i was like "how can you not understand what im tell you?! my father is having sex with me!!" she got it.. she almost throw up.. she came over my house everyday after that for along as she could..

i would also be havin talks with my dad tell him its not right that you have to stop and he would cry to me and say that he knows that its wrong that he cant help it.. that im just so sweet and so good..
during winter break i stayed out with my best friend in my apartment complex all day.. i didnt go home til like 10pm and he wouldnt let me in the house.. so i finally made up my mind n just left.. ni said smurf it.. why am i fightin to go inside to my hell? n that ended that...

i can honestly say that a few years later i forgve him for what he did cause i couldnt move on from it.. now its been almost ten years and i talk to him n have almost the whole time.. Ive had to move on with my life so i had to forgive but i will never forget and will KILL him if he ever touched my sisters or if i ever have a girl touch her! like i will be in jail n happy about it! =) thnaks for reading..

Ive lost count of how many times they raped me. sometimes it was just one, sometimes both, sometimes they let their friends join in. sometimes they put other things inside me...once it was a hammer, a beer bottle. i was like their little sex toy...they constantly told me i was a whore and they knew i loved it...sometimes they were more violent, like if they were high. they would put cigarettes out on me or burn me with a lighter. sometimes they could cut me with a knife or a razor and then rape me while i was covered in blood. i'm covered in scars from their 'experiments'.

i think the worst time was the first time they let their friends rape me too. there was eight of them and they all had a turn. this was right around the time i got pregnant with my son (i think) so one of them is his father... i go to school with one of them. he was 14 then too and he cried while he did it but his brother made him. he avoids me at school.

Quoting Hayley C.:" Ive lost count of how many times they raped me. sometimes it was just one, sometimes both, sometimes ... [snip!] ... to school with one of them. he was 14 then too and he cried while he did it but his brother made him. he avoids me at school."

omg! that is sooo sad! im sooo sorry you went thru that... i cant lie after my father started messin with me i would sneak out of my house at night have a guy i messin with come get me n id get high n drunk have sex with him but he'd have friends there n cause i was smurfed up he'd let them have sex with me too.. it sucks cause i knew it was happenin but i thought he wouldnt want to have sex with me anymore i didnt let them.. sickens me now to think about it..

its funny how much more you remember once you start thinking about it after not thinking about it for so long..

After last night, I've been thinking of using alcohol or sleeping pills again to alter how I am, just to be able to have sex.

I had been doing great. It's been some time since I had the flashbacks, but then they started last night.

I screamed so loud and hard, my throat hurt, and I woke up the girls. I knew where I was this time, but couldn't stop screaming. JJ was just saying, "It's ok Mary, it's ok. You are with me." I could hear him, but just couldn't snap out of it.

And the fear. That is new.
I don't even know why I'm typing this out. I guess just to get it out of me? Like I will magically feel better? I don't know.

Quoting (MAM) Lilah's milkbar:" "

*hugs* wow, it's been months since you posted, I thought everything was good. You know my inbox is always open, love.

Quoting Meg♥nbaby [Sluttt]:" *hugs* wow, it's been months since you posted, I thought everything was good. You know my inbox is always open, love."

Thanks <3

I'm actually going to PM you something now that has been on my mind, if you don't mind.

Quoting (MAM) Lilah's milkbar:" Thanks <3 I'm actually going to PM you something now that has been on my mind, if you don't mind."

Yes ma'am.

Quoting Meg♥nbaby [Sluttt]:" Yes ma'am."

It's super long.